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Overheard in Dublin

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Denis Irwin View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Denis Irwin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Overheard in Dublin
    Posted: 11 Jul 2010 at 8:59am
As I walked up North circular road one day I noticed a gang of junior lags waiting outside the prison. At the same time a 'husky' boy of 10 or 11 was huffing and puffing past with two large bags of shopping. As is expected with junior lags one of them pipes up "Ya fat bastard ya" and they all laugh. Cool as you like the boy places his shopping down, looks at them and replies "I'm only a fat bastard cos yer ma giz me a slice of cake everytime I ride her", picks his shopping up and continues on his way.

What a hero. 
 
 
 
 
LOL
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Bill O'Herlihy: Ah ye can't be saying that now Eamonn
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Metal Paul Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jul 2010 at 9:17am
On Dublin bus, at bus stop a little old lady gets on to enquire when her next bus will be arriving:
Old lady to driver: "Will the next bus be long?"
Smartass Driver: "About the same length as this one luv"
Old Lady(without a moments hesitiation): "Really? And will it be driven by a little bollicks like you?"

Priceless!!
"There are no chicks with dicks Johnny, just guys with tits."
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Guf10 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jul 2010 at 9:47am
Originally posted by Metal Paul Metal Paul wrote:

On Dublin bus, at bus stop a little old lady gets on to enquire when her next bus will be arriving:
Old lady to driver: "Will the next bus be long?"
Smartass Driver: "About the same length as this one luv"
Old Lady(without a moments hesitiation): "Really? And will it be driven by a little bollicks like you?"

Priceless!!
LOLLOL
2 in a row, 2 in a row, 2 in a row

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Ray Houghton
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaddyBourke2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jul 2010 at 9:48am
Originally posted by Denis Irwin Denis Irwin wrote:

As I walked up North circular road one day I noticed a gang of junior lags waiting outside the prison. At the same time a 'husky' boy of 10 or 11 was huffing and puffing past with two large bags of shopping. As is expected with junior lags one of them pipes up "Ya fat bastard ya" and they all laugh. Cool as you like the boy places his shopping down, looks at them and replies "I'm only a fat bastard cos yer ma giz me a slice of cake everytime I ride her", picks his shopping up and continues on his way. What a hero.
LOL
he probably got battered by them after doin that
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Daz View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Daz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jul 2010 at 9:50am
On a Ryanair Flight to Edinburgh a few weeks ago. The air hostess kept pausing during the safety demonstration. "In the event of a drop in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down. Pull mask down and place over your face". Pauses. Young lad down the back shouts "AND INSERT 2 EURO FOR OXYGEN!" The whole plane was in stiches-everyone except for the air hostess!

LOLLOLLOL

What a hero Thumbs%20Up





LOL
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Ray Houghton
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaddyBourke2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jul 2010 at 9:54am
Originally posted by Daz Daz wrote:

On a Ryanair Flight to Edinburgh a few weeks ago. The air hostess kept pausing during the safety demonstration. "In the event of a drop in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down. Pull mask down and place over your face". Pauses. Young lad down the back shouts "AND INSERT 2 EURO FOR OXYGEN!" The whole plane was in stiches-everyone except for the air hostess!LOLLOLLOLWhat a hero Thumbs%20UpLOL
what a legend
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Daz View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Daz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jul 2010 at 9:56am
Originally posted by johnny ccfc johnny ccfc wrote:

Originally posted by Daz Daz wrote:

On a Ryanair Flight to Edinburgh a few weeks ago. The air hostess kept pausing during the safety demonstration. "In the event of a drop in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down. Pull mask down and place over your face". Pauses. Young lad down the back shouts "AND INSERT 2 EURO FOR OXYGEN!" The whole plane was in stiches-everyone except for the air hostess!LOLLOLLOLWhat a hero Thumbs%20UpLOL
what a legend


At a well known tourist bar in Temple Bar the musicians are trying to get the crowd going.

MC: "Is there anyone her from Germany?"
Germans: "Yeahhhhh!!"

MC: "Is there anyone here from England?"
English: "Yeahhhhh!!"
Irish: "boooo!!"

MC: "Is there anyone here from Cork ?"
Cork People: "Yeahhhhh!!"

etc. etc.

MC: "Is there anyone here from Limerick?"
Limerick People: "Yeahhhh!!"

MC: "Well the rest of yiz, mind your bleedin' handbags!"

YBIG - Where everyone is a fooking expert :)
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Ray Houghton
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaddyBourke2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jul 2010 at 9:58am
thats only average
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BigPodge Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jul 2010 at 10:04am
queuing up in a chipper and a guy walks in and orders a whole cooked chicken, a couple of minutes later the door opens and one of his kids runs in and says "Daddy, daddy can I have the leg of the chicken?" the father replies "yeah just get back out to the van so off he goes. 2 seconds later the door opens and another kid runs in and says " Daddy can I have the other leg of the chicken?" he replies " yeah , will yis just wait in the van" so he goes off back to the van, within seconds there's another kid tugging at his leg and he says "Daddy can I have a leg from the chicken?" the Father replies "will you ever F**k off back out to the van, its not a f**kin spider I'm orderin"
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Daz View Drop Down
Ray Houghton
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Daz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jul 2010 at 10:06am
Originally posted by BigPodge BigPodge wrote:

queuing up in a chipper and a guy walks in and orders a whole cooked chicken, a couple of minutes later the door opens and one of his kids runs in and says "Daddy, daddy can I have the leg of the chicken?" the father replies "yeah just get back out to the van so off he goes. 2 seconds later the door opens and another kid runs in and says " Daddy can I have the other leg of the chicken?" he replies " yeah , will yis just wait in the van" so he goes off back to the van, within seconds there's another kid tugging at his leg and he says "Daddy can I have a leg from the chicken?" the Father replies "will you ever F**k off back out to the van, its not a f**kin spider I'm orderin"


Irishman in New York

Not overheard in Dublin but Irishman' windup of an American Lady in NYC.

January of this year, a blonde girl (35) in my office from New York came in one morning with a shopping trolley, like the oul'ones in Dublin used to have. She was complaining that it was very hard for her to push her trolley from the Upper Westside down to midtown Manhattan where our office is in 3 feet of snow. (She wanted to get groceries on her way home that evening.) Quick as a light I told her to go to K-Mart at lunchtime and get a four-wheel drive trolley, much better for getting through the snow. It was early in the morning, no one else was in yet so I left it at that and thought nothing more of it.

I had completely forgotten about it until after lunch she came storming back into the office, slamming doors and shouting, "Where's that smartass Irish bastard". Apparently she took me seriously and actually went to K-Mart in Midtown Manhattan and asked every assistant she saw where she could get a four-wheel drive shopping trolley!!! Apparently she only realised she made an idiot of herself when one of the assistants brought her to the Store Manager and he started laughing at her. Anyway looking for sympathy she shouted the whole story of her going to K-Mart all over the office, thinking that our co-workers would back her up and tell me how terrible I was. She was shocked to look around for backup and find people literally falling off their chairs with laughter. She got even more irate when she was having a go at me and realized that the tears in my eyes were from laughter and not remorse.

She was apparently so traumatized by the experience that she called her therapist and he told her to take the rest of the week off. She still won�t talk to me to this day, her friend told me her therapist told her to avoid me because I was an emotionally disturbed foreigner.

Only in America�.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BigPodge Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jul 2010 at 10:07am
We have a winner.......

Hill 16, Croke Park, Dublin playing Westmeath and Jason Sherlcok becomes embroiled in a fight with the Westmeath corner back right in front of the Hill.
One wag shouts out....

"Go on Jason, hit him with your wok!"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote grazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jul 2010 at 7:04pm
Originally posted by BigPodge BigPodge wrote:

We have a winner.......

Hill 16, Croke Park, Dublin playing Westmeath and Jason Sherlcok becomes embroiled in a fight with the Westmeath corner back right in front of the Hill.
One wag shouts out....

"Go on Jason, hit him with your wok!"



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote deise316 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jul 2010 at 7:09pm
Film on in the UCI in Tallaght, dark in the cinema, Dub voice from the back shouts:
' Is there a doctor in the house, I need a Doctor, is there a doctor in the house?'
Voice from down the front
'Yes , I'm a doctor'
Dub:
'sh*t film, isn't it?'
 
Cinema cracks up laughing....
 
 
Picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.....
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote grazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jul 2010 at 7:10pm
Was in a chippie one night when a middle-aged pikey couple came in, both well oiled. He stood at the counter and ordered burger & chips while she gave him a right good ear wagging.
"You don't love me, you don't love me" she screamed at him repeatedly.
To which he replied:
" Of course I love you, don't I ride ya and buy you chips" - end of argument!!

Fookin' hilarious sh*t, nearly fell over laughing
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Ray Houghton
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaddyBourke2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jul 2010 at 7:13pm
Originally posted by grazza grazza wrote:

Was in a chippie one night when a middle-aged pikey couple came in, both well oiled. He stood at the counter and ordered burger & chips while she gave him a right good ear wagging. "You don't love me, you don't love me" she screamed at him repeatedly. To which he replied: " Of course I love you, don't I ride ya and buy you chips" - end of argument!! Fookin' hilarious sh*t, nearly fell over laughing
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gavintheslob Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jul 2010 at 7:37pm
great thread some good stories in there
Its very frustrating being a Slob
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Carmody 10 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jul 2010 at 7:45pm
Have the two books.
Some mad stories aswell LOL
Out of order
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote McG Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jul 2010 at 3:28am
Originally posted by BigPodge BigPodge wrote:

We have a winner.......

Hill 16, Croke Park, Dublin playing Westmeath and Jason Sherlcok becomes embroiled in a fight with the Westmeath corner back right in front of the Hill.
One wag shouts out....

"Go on Jason, hit him with your wok!"
 
LOL
 
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