You Boys in Green Homepage YBIG Shop
Forum Home Forum Home : International : Republic Of Ireland
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - My Roy Keane Diary: 'A day in the life'
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Events   Register Register  Login Login


My Roy Keane Diary: 'A day in the life'

 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1 3334353637>
Author
Message
DeclanDaly View Drop Down
Liam Brady
Liam Brady
Avatar

Joined: 17 Oct 2013
Location: Boston, USA
Status: Offline
Points: 2640
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DeclanDaly Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Nov 2018 at 3:24am
hahah!
You asked if I'd be anyone from history, fact or fiction, dead or alive:
I said "I'd be Tony Cascarino, circa 1995"
Back to Top
Sponsored Links


Back to Top
Trap junior View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
Robbie Keane
Avatar
I wear a neck mask

Joined: 25 Jan 2010
Location: Wuhan, China.
Status: Online
Points: 33893
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Trap junior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Nov 2018 at 9:05pm
Aarhus. If you are thinking Madness you'd be right. But not the musical variety.  The team is struggling.  Pundits blamed us. Footballers are the last people in the world to look at themselves.  Blame anyone but themselves. The manager. The lack of footballs, the training, stones on the pitch. The small hotel rooms. The sh*t tactics. No.  The top players know where to look for answers.  We do too.  Players who slate the manager miss a trick. Sometimes, no, always, the answer to their own under performance lies in the mirror.  They were the problem. Not us.  We fly to Denmark the scenic route via Amsterdam.  Bertie Ahern is in Dublin airport to wish us well. ''f**k off''.
  Sunday.  Martin takes training.  Modern coaching preaches studying video of the opposition, coming up with a game plan to maximise our strengths, exploit the oppositions weaknesses.  Martin and myself having worked under Brian Clough have other ideas. Over dinner the previous night we had discussed ways Mr. Clough had prepared us for big games back in the day.  Martin recalls before a big European Cup game against Borussia Monchengladbach how Clough in an effort to relax the players had turned up drunk for training wearing wellies and carrying a spade. We chuckled. I remembered and told Mahhhhhhrtin  (Martin) before the final game of the season in 1993 facing a relegation showdown with Sheffield Utd, Clough turned up to the City Ground and gave the team talk dressed in a Mr. Blobby suit.  None of the players were worried about the game anymore. It totally relaxed us.  It was genius.  A masterclass.  Clough knew how to get inside the minds of players. And so do we.   We make the decision that this is exactly what we need. The press are hounding the team and this will take the players minds off things. 
Martin takes to the training pitch dressed as Mr. Blobby. Where he got the costume from at the last minute I will never know! Martin is a genius. He even managed to get the synthesizer device that alters your voice to sound like Mr. Blobby!  As he walked out onto the training pitch the players mouths literally dropped open.  I literally burst out laughing as O'Neill shouted at Matt Doherty to ''go wide!'' during the 5 a side but it came out as ''blobby blobby blobby!!'' as the device changed his voice. There he was standing on the touchline in a pink costume waving his arms shouting ''blobby blobby blobby!''  Mr. blobby was the good cop today.  I'm the bad cop.  I take to the training pitch in wellies, holding a spade, and wearing a flat tweed paddy cap.  I don't drink anymore but pretend to be drunk. I stand on the touchline angrily waving my spade shouting drunk abuse at the players while Blobby waves his arms. At the end of the session Martin takes the team talk.

Matchday.  Despite our best efforts the game is a disaster. We muster a total if no attempts on goal. The players are to blame.  We can't tell players how to play.  They are professionals.  They know what to do.  This doesn't stop the media having the knives out for us though.  O'Neill is obliged to do an interview with RTE's Soccer Correspondent Tony O'Donoghue after the game. 
''what happened tonight Martin?''
''We played well.  We were defensively solid and had a good shape about us.''
''We didn't really threaten the Danish goal though did we?''
''Tony. You may not think so. But let me tell you this. I would not have won what I did as a player and as a manager by being lectured by a little man like you.''
''I don't want to make this a personal issue for you Martin, I'm just trying to ask the questions the fans at home want answering.''
''Of course. Absolutely, Of course Tony, but you just go a wee bit too far I feel. A wee bit disingenuous.''
''There were reports that the players don't know their roles on the pitch''
''Reports from where?''
''I don't want to reveal my sources Martin but it was a player''
''Oh really?  Maybe you know more than me so''
''Some of the players feel a little confused out there.''
''And why do you feel that is Tony??  You seem to know it all''
''Well the player in question said you gave the team talk dressed as Mr. Blobby  and he couldn't understand you as you had a funny voice and all that you said were ''blobby blobby blobby!''
''Tony, the players were nervous. I don't know if you ever heard of Sir Matt Busby no?  Brian Clough?  Well Brian Clough did that and he wasn't a bad manager was he?''

The interview ends. Mahhhhrrrtin walks over and looks exasperated.  Just then we both receive simultaneous text messages.  It's John Delaney.  ''Meeting Ritz Hotel London. Tuesday 8pm.''
''What the f**k does he want?'' we wonder.





With Martin O'Neill as Steve Guppy looks on.  Martin had an uncanny knack of being able to relax players before a big game by doing something unexpected. Here he is dressed as Mr. Blobby before the Nations League game in Aarhus 19 November 2018.






Edited by Trap junior - 23 Nov 2018 at 4:01pm
To win a YBIG Forum Posting Starter Kit:

Your:
You're:

There:
Their:
They're:

If you think you know the correct meaning of these words put your answers on a post to win this fabulous prize.

Back to Top
kearney304 View Drop Down
Liam Brady
Liam Brady
Avatar
Clown Probationer

Joined: 25 Feb 2014
Location: Cork
Status: Offline
Points: 1912
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote kearney304 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Nov 2018 at 10:52pm
LOL
Back to Top
mully_85 View Drop Down
500 Club la la la
500 Club la la la


Joined: 15 Jul 2011
Location: Omagh
Status: Offline
Points: 644
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mully_85 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Nov 2018 at 11:30pm
when can we have MON Dairies LOL
Back to Top
Charlton's Child View Drop Down
Liam Brady
Liam Brady
Avatar

Joined: 30 Oct 2014
Status: Offline
Points: 2652
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Charlton's Child Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Nov 2018 at 6:55am
LOLLOLLOL
Back to Top
Bob Hoskins View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar

Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Status: Offline
Points: 20116
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bob Hoskins Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Nov 2018 at 2:42pm
LOL 
Romario 2016: And the ticket mafia gets caught! Well, four years ago I had already told the government.
Back to Top
McG View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar
SISAO? What the hell is SISAO?

Joined: 27 Jan 2008
Location: Christmas Island
Status: Offline
Points: 23385
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote McG Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Nov 2018 at 3:33pm
f**k sake LOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOL
YBIG Table Quiz winner 2016 & 2017
AS YOU WERE McGx

Back to Top
Trap junior View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
Robbie Keane
Avatar
I wear a neck mask

Joined: 25 Jan 2010
Location: Wuhan, China.
Status: Online
Points: 33893
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Trap junior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Nov 2018 at 8:38pm
20th November.  We are summoned to meet that man (I refuse to name him) in the Aviva stadium.  We were initially told to meet in London and after booking our flights that man then tells us we are meeting in Dublin instead. Typical FAI.  Mickey f**king mouse.  I had told Theresa to pick me up from Heathrow and now have to tell her I won't be home after all.  We meet at 6pm.  Some clown from the FAI brings us to the room where the meeting will take place. We enter and there is a cage dividing the room in two. That man is on the other side.  He informs us we are to be relieved of our duties. I make a run for him but run head first into the cage. I'm foaming at the mouth.  Not to be deterred I repeat it 5 or 6 times. But it's no use.  That man is protected.  Coward.   He leaves but has instructed the staff to keep us locked in for 30 mins to give him a chance to disappear to destinations unknown.
After a while we are free to leave.  Martin says ''that's it Roy.''  We hug but I get a bit too excited and bite him.  We are making our way through the lobby doors when a black car arrives and Mick McCarthy gets out from the back seat. He's making his way into the stadium.  He looks cocky. He's dressed up wearing an expensive suit.  Looking smug. Martin says ''what are you doing here?'
''I'm after the field''
I pipe up: ''You'd be well advised not to''
''Oh? Why's that?'' he replies
''You could be inviting a lot of trouble for yourself''
''Oh? From whom?''
''From me and my kind.  This field is mine.'' 
''Well we'll soon see about that.' he replies
Martin interrupts:  ''Eh our field Roy.'
'Shut up Martin''
I continue:  ''No outsider will bid for my field boy!  Be a good little Mick and go home''
That lovely green grass and you want to take it away from me and in the sight of God I can't let you do that! And no collar, no uniform or weapon will protect the man that stands in my way''
''Can't you find another field?'' Mick says
''Another field??!! Another field!!!?? 
And just then I unleash Martin on Mick.  ''Go on now Martin.  I know you've got it in you''
Martin throws a few slaps but Mick is tougher than I thought and kicks the crap out of Martin.
I grab Martin's and Micks hair and smash their heads together. 
''Will I ever make a man out of you!!!''
''Go home Mick for the love of God go home!''
''You're crazy Roy''
''You've come to shame me in front of my own people!!'' (just then I remember Seamie McDonagh)
''Seamie! Seamie Seamie!!!' as I continue to hit Micks head off the concrete.
Martin is screaming:
''Stop!  Stop! Stop!''
I get up and walk away.
''He's not well''  Martin says
''He's fine! He learned a lesson tonight! The lesson of the land''


Related imageRelated image

Image result for the fieldImage result for mick mccarthy suit


Edited by Trap junior - 23 Nov 2018 at 8:55pm
To win a YBIG Forum Posting Starter Kit:

Your:
You're:

There:
Their:
They're:

If you think you know the correct meaning of these words put your answers on a post to win this fabulous prize.

Back to Top
Gary McKay View Drop Down
Roy Keane
Roy Keane

Yo Adrian

Joined: 21 Jul 2007
Location: Ireland
Status: Offline
Points: 13323
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gary McKay Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Nov 2018 at 9:30pm
You’re not right in the head LOL
"Smalling and Jones.... have the potential to be the PL’s best ever pairing in my opinion." - SlurAlex
Back to Top
Trap junior View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
Robbie Keane
Avatar
I wear a neck mask

Joined: 25 Jan 2010
Location: Wuhan, China.
Status: Online
Points: 33893
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Trap junior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Sep 2019 at 10:49pm
Sky deal:

In September 2019 I got a text message from Gary Neville.  ''Hey Roy just thought I'd give you a heads up about a call you might be getting later today. Gaz.'' At the end of the text there were emojis. Gary loves emojis.
It's Monday. Bin day.  I have to wheel out 3 f**king bins on Monday due to the various bins now for recycling and what not. This is what the world has become. The Snowflake Generation.  Greta Thunberg is on tv today sailing across the world in a boat. Theresa thinks she's great ''she's a great kid isn't she Roy?''
I mumble a disinterested ''oh right yeah''.  She has made her parents become vegan. A load of nonsense!  I won't be giving up eating lumps of raw meat Theresa throws onto the kitchen floor for me anytime soon.
Time for a walk with the dogs. Theresa bundles us into the back of the Range Rover. We're off to Carr's Park near Wilmslow.  Theresa pops open the boot and we jump out excitedly running straight for the pond and go for a swim.   
3.00pm.  Back at home.  My phone rings. My ringtone is  ''It's Got to be Perfect'' by Fairground Attraction.  I like little reminders like that. No dropping of standards. Complacency. The enemy of success.  I even got Theresa a framed quote from the Everton Crest and got her to hang it above the cooker. ''Nil Satis Nisi Optimum''.  - 'Only the best will do.'
It's Barney Francis. ''Hey Roy it's Barney Francis from Sky Sports.''
''Oh right yeah'' I say blankly.
''Roy we want you to work for us on Sky Television. I want you back on the telly.''
''oh right yeah'' I say blankly.
''We basically want you to do punditry on Sky's marquee Premier League games alongside our team of experts.''
''Experts? The only thing Carragher is an expert at is failure.''
''Eh right. anyway Roy we'd be delighted to have you and we have a contract here for you waiting to be signed. It's a 1 year rolling contract worth 1 million pounds''.
''Oh right yeah.''
''You don't sound very enthusiastic Roy. I thought you'd be happy.''
''I don't do happy.''
Happiness is the enemy of success. Happiness is the mental state of the unwise. A dangerous state. A luxury reserved for the folly.  The day I become happy is the day I become unhappy.

I am due to do Super Sunday a couple weeks later. West Ham v Man Utd. On air at 1pm. Idle sh*te talk then the game. Blah blah blah.  The game ends 2-0.  Another defeat for Utd.  Am I surprised? No.  Christ this job is getting on my nerves already.  4 or 5 hours in the company of these muppets. More sh*te talk.  Mourinho beside me. The man just irritates me. He says ''I sink'' so much I thought he was captain of The Titanic.
Off air at 6pm.  Into the Range Rover. Back on the M6 towards Manchester.  I stop at a Welcome Break somewhere south of Birmingham.  Check the phone. My spat with Jon Walters is back int he media again. McAteer has had a pop. ''I'd rather have a coupe of mates thana couple of medals.''   'I wish his dad had a couple of Mates and used them as contraception the night he was conceived' I thought.  I must remember to use that line next time I'm on the circuit and asked about my reaction to that. Should get a laugh. 



Edited by Trap junior - 20 Oct 2019 at 5:33pm
To win a YBIG Forum Posting Starter Kit:

Your:
You're:

There:
Their:
They're:

If you think you know the correct meaning of these words put your answers on a post to win this fabulous prize.

Back to Top
Devrozex View Drop Down
Jack Charlton
Jack Charlton
Avatar

Joined: 23 Oct 2010
Location: Dublin
Status: Online
Points: 7267
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Devrozex Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Sep 2019 at 9:45am
LOL

"This is what separates the men from the fagg*ts." Dec. Jerry Lynch
Back to Top
BigStrongMan View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
Robbie Keane

Just Modding Like

Joined: 22 May 2009
Location: Ireland
Status: Offline
Points: 104989
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BigStrongMan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Sep 2019 at 10:15am
LOL
PM me for all forum moderation queries.
Back to Top
DUBLIN DOC View Drop Down
Jack Charlton
Jack Charlton
Avatar
The F The F The FAI

Joined: 30 Jun 2009
Location: Abbottstown
Status: Offline
Points: 9155
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DUBLIN DOC Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Sep 2019 at 10:21am
LOLClap
Back to Top
Croftman View Drop Down
Liam Brady
Liam Brady
Avatar

Joined: 18 Aug 2014
Status: Offline
Points: 2503
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Croftman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Sep 2019 at 10:33am
LOL
Some people just deserve a slap
Back to Top
Bob Hoskins View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar

Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Status: Offline
Points: 20116
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bob Hoskins Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Sep 2019 at 4:34pm
The day I become happy is the day I become unhappy.

LOL LOL LOL
Romario 2016: And the ticket mafia gets caught! Well, four years ago I had already told the government.
Back to Top
Crosby87 View Drop Down
Kevin Kilbane
Kevin Kilbane
Avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2009
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 170
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Crosby87 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Sep 2019 at 6:35pm
Hilarious. I thought you were going to say he went and lapped up the water from the pond. 
Back to Top
kearney304 View Drop Down
Liam Brady
Liam Brady
Avatar
Clown Probationer

Joined: 25 Feb 2014
Location: Cork
Status: Offline
Points: 1912
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote kearney304 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Sep 2019 at 1:48pm
LOL
Back to Top
lassassinblanc View Drop Down
Roy Keane
Roy Keane
Avatar
Cheese, it’s not just for eating

Joined: 27 Sep 2010
Location: Clairefontaine
Status: Offline
Points: 14211
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lassassinblanc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Sep 2019 at 10:29am
LOL

Lumps of raw meat had me in hysterics

You can motorboat but no whistling
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1 3334353637>
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down

Forum Software by Web Wiz Forums® version 12.00
Copyright ©2001-2018 Web Wiz Ltd.