My Roy Keane Diary: 'A day in the life'
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Topic: My Roy Keane Diary: 'A day in the life'
Posted By: Trap junior
Subject: My Roy Keane Diary: 'A day in the life'
Date Posted: 11 Feb 2014 at 4:19pm
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''2014 started off like any other year. January. I hate January. Not many people dont. With a biting wind lashing across the land not everyone was up for it. Not every international assistant was up for it. I was. I learned the trick of creating atmpshere in my own head back on the FAS course. Now going to places like The City Ground you could hear a pin drop. Except for me. I heard a 60,000 roaring crowd. I was going to show those Dublin w**kers who could observe a game. I was there to see Andy Reid. Andy had been an outcast from the early days of the Trapattoni era. A Dublin lad. I generally dont like Dublin lads. Too cocky and in your face. I had signed Andy back when I was with Sunderland but hadn't had much contact with him as I was rarely at the training ground but I had gotten to know him better from our week together in the lovely Portmarnock Hotel. I had heard he liked a pint and a sing song. Hello? I thought. Andy had been setting the Championship alight and Martin had requested I go down to Nottingham to take a look. Some of the fans recognised me from my days with Forest. One guy came up to me and said ''Alright big man. When you going to be assistant manager at a big team? '' ''I am with a big team'' I said. Big man? He was looking down on me! ''Nah! A REALLY big team'' he said. I loved that. The Nottingham humour. The Club had given me a ticket for the Brian Clough stand. I took my seat. Who comes down and sits next to me? Only fooking Mick McCarthy! He was there to see Andy too. He wanted to sign him for Ipswich. ''For f**k sake'' I thought as he took his seat. Andy was playing well. He had Barnsley on the ropes. Was making crosses and playing lovely passes through the defence. Then in the 64th minute Andy went down clutching his ankle. He had lost his footing in the bumpy Nottingham turf. ''That pitch is like a car park'' I said ''No it's not Roy'' ''Its got pot holes in it.'' ''Roy it's fine'' ''Andy Reid just broke his ankle on it. It's dangerous Mick. You're a liar'' ''No he hasn't. he's faking it, look!'' ''Faking it??? What do you mean faking it???'' ''He's faking it to get out of the Serbia game. You'd know all about that Roy!'' ''You faked injuries you did'' ''WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?'' ''I said you faked injuries'' I had had enough of this imposter. I grabbed him by his lapels and flung him over the balcony of the upper tier into the crowd below. There was blood everywhere. But fook it. He's done my head in. ------------- Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more... 97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC) |
Replies:
Posted By: packiesglove
Date Posted: 11 Feb 2014 at 7:37pm
  ------------- When you're chewing on life's gristle, don't worry give a whistle.... |
Posted By: PanteirA
Date Posted: 11 Feb 2014 at 7:50pm
| Very good but a Cork man wouldn't have said the last line. And he would have called him a langer somewhere too probably |
Posted By: Baldrick
Date Posted: 11 Feb 2014 at 8:07pm
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I think you love Roy, Trapped. ------------- AKA pedantic kunt |
Posted By: Trap junior
Date Posted: 11 Feb 2014 at 11:32pm
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''I arrived on the first day into Dublin Airport as Ireland Assistant manager. The FAI had arranged for a driver to pick me up from the airport at 8.20pm Saturday night. I waited outside the Arrivals and there was no sign of the car. 'That's a good start I thought' and walked over to the taxi rank. All of a sudden this FAI emlazoned black Ford Focus nearly knocks me down he's driving so fast. It's my driver. He's all of 2 mins late. 'Bite your lip Roy' I thought. 'Lets not get off to a bad start already.' The drivers name was Tony, A Utd fan from Dublin, involved with the goons up in Abbottstown. I dislike him straight away. I flash him a dirty look as he apologises for being late. I say 'no problem' but inside I am seething. The journey commenced in silence. After a short while we entered Malahide. We arrived at the hotel in Portmarnock. I check in. The hotel staff are lovely. I get to my room, lock the doors. That's me done for the night. Next morning some of the players had arrived. We are due to take an afternoon training session up the road in Gannon Park, Malahide Utd's home ground. On first impressions it's better than Clonshaugh, and the old shambles we had under the bad old days of Jack and Mick. I quickly greet a couple of the players in the hotel lobby and head out to inspect the pitch. I start putting out the cones for the warm up and notice some fools hanging around the pitch looking for autographs. I blank them as I walk by. On my return some more idiots have arrived. This time with Man Utd 'Keano' flags. One arsehole approaches me ''Roy sign my flag'' he blurts. I quickly sign it and go back to the hotel. I hate pricks like him. Every arsehole invading your space. Lunch arrives in the suite the Hotel have arranged for the team. Martin welcomes the players and says a few words. We are having cheese sandwiches and pizza. ''Where's the pasta, cereals and rice???'' I ask. Martin pipes up: ''You should have asked for that stuff Roy''. ''w**kers '' I thought and went back to my room. I ordered a takeaway sweet and sour chicken with steamed rice from the local chinese. Theresa rings my mobile. Thank God for her. She tells me that one of the dogs needs its toenails trimmed down at the vets. I love my dogs. They dont lie to you like people do. They dont talk bullsh*t and are loyal to a fault. 'Maybe a dog to manage Ireland?' I thought. I'm getting sick of this job already. I go to Martin's room and knock on the door. ''I've had enough''. 'What's wrong Roy?' ''Ive had enough. I want to go home.'' ''Is it me?'' Of course I should have said it is you, the staff, the FAI, the whole f**king shambles. ''No it's just [personal reasons.'' We shook hands and I went back to my room. 20mins later Robbie Keane knocks on my door. ''We heard you are going back? What's wrong??'' ''I've had enough'' Robbie pleads with me to stay. I respected that. His argument is persuasive. I tell him I will stay. A few mins later Martin bursts in the door. ''What's all this about Roy? I've already called up Emile Heskey to come in to replace you as assistant.'' ''That was quick i thought'' ''Ok. Leave it as it is Martin. I'll go.'' I like Emile. But maybe I am entitled to change my mind too. ''Look which is it? Make your mind up'' ''Ok. I'll stay''. ...To be continued in next weeks 'Roy of the No Hopers' ------------- Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more... 97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC) |
Posted By: Sham157
Date Posted: 11 Feb 2014 at 11:43pm
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Posted By: Landon Donovan
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 12:58am
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Amazing |
Posted By: BigStrongMan
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 7:10am
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------------- PM me for all forum moderation queries. |
Posted By: Baldrick
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 7:15am
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a newspaper could do worse and have this in their paper as a weekly column. ------------- AKA pedantic kunt |
Posted By: PanteirA
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 7:31am
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Baldrick wrote:Posted By: 9fingers
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 8:10am
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Posted By: FREEWHEELER
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 9:22am
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You've missed your calling Trap Jr, outstanding son. Seriously should be a weekly newspaper column, well done. ------------- We'll never die, we'll never die, we'll keep the Green Flag flying high......Shamrock Rovers will never die, we'll keep the Green Flag Flying high. 19 Leagues and 25 Cups..... |
Posted By: RogerMilla
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 9:32am
TJ has come up with a couple of crackers lately , himself and waddle coudl make money out of this  ------------- The first time the Devil made me do it. The second time I did it on my own. |
Posted By: RogerMilla
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 9:34am
i have a feeling the editor would be getting a call from michael kenneddy ------------- The first time the Devil made me do it. The second time I did it on my own. |
Posted By: Boban
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 9:49am
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Posted By: McG
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 10:16am
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Class. Hurry up with the next one. ------------- YBIG Table Quiz winner 2016 & 2017 AS YOU WERE McGx |
Posted By: Trap junior
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 11:04am
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''The next day we had our first full training session with the team. Some of the lads had played the live tv game on the Sunday on Sky. Stoke had played Hull in an uneventful 0-0 and Glenn Whelan, Paul McShane, Marc Wilson, Shane Long and Robbie Brady had arrived later than the rest. So had Jon Walters. I had had problems with Walters during my time at Ipswich. 'Maybe this time things would be different' I thought. 'Let by gones be by gones Roy'. Down at breakfast Martin is sitting chatting with some bloke called Steve Guppy. 'What's he doing here?' I thought. Guppy had been appointed as 'set piece expert' by O'Neill and this immediately set the alarm bells ringing in my head. I wasn't consulted over the decision. As part of the management staff I decided to sit down next to them. The conversation is strained. A new goalkeeping coach Seamus McDonagh completes the staff. He was someone who I barely knew of but was prepared to give him a chance. Then he opened his mouth. It was the last time I didn't hate him. Its 9.45am. We are boarding the bus to make the short journey up the road for our training session. It's scheduled for 10am. But there's a problem. Some of the lads are late. It quickly becomes apparent that it's some of the lads who arrived late last night. ''We'll give them 2 mins Martin''. For once Martin agrees with me. Most of them just make it. Except Jon Walters. 'Hello?' I thought ''f**k him. We are going without him.'' I instruct the driver to go. Late for his first day of training. I remember my first day of training for Utd. I paid a taxi driver to drive ahead of me to show me the way to the training ground in case I would be late. I was an hour early. I know it's only a small thing but stuff like that usually betrays an attitude to the job. Walters timekeeping told me something deeper about his character. I would file that away. For once an Ireland training session is properly structured. I had been up at 4am setting out the cones before going back to bed for a few hours sleep. Under Mick and his shadow Ian Evans some of the players were standing around idle while they set up the posession games. A f**king farce it was. I was going to show them bastards what a proper training session was like. During the warm up a taxi arrives. It's Jon Walters all of 15 mins late. He storms up to the training pitch. He's angry. I tell him to hurry up and join the rest. Later on in the session Martin sets up an 11 v 11 game. Bibs v non bibs. I immediately regret my decision to stay. Glenn Whelan and Paul McShane are f**king useless. I offer some encouragment but its' wasted on these fools. Glenn has been a regular in the Stoke team. I couldn't see why. Pass after pass went astray. ''will you f**king find your man!!'' I shouted He looked at me with a blank stare. ''Hello? Is anybody home?'' I thought McShane is worse. Couln't mark a statue that lad. I decide to join in the second half. Im now on Whelan's team. Walters is on the other side. After a few mins Walters comes at me with an over the top tackle. He's obviously pissed off at us leaving without him. He catches me on the ankle. I went down. I'm ok although I have am badly bruised. I continue. The balls finds walter over by the touchline. I hit him hard. ''Take that ya ****!'' I catch him with a kung fu kick that catches him in his chest and sends him flying. ''Don't ever be late for a bus again you scouse ****. And tell your pal Wilson hecan fook off aswell.'' Martin runs over. ''There was no need for that Roy'' he said ''Go f**k yourself'' ''I could have you shot you motherless free state gobsh*te'' he said ''Sorry Martin.'' ... to be continued ------------- Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more... 97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC) |
Posted By: Sham157
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 11:09am
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Posted By: theheff1989
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 11:43am
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Been off this for a few days but this is a quality thread.
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Posted By: The Huntacha
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 11:49am
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Brilliant ------------- Jimmy Bullard - "Favorite band? Elastic." |
Posted By: BigPodge
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 12:29pm
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Superb work TJ ------------- 
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Posted By: Claret Murph
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 12:33pm
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Only one thing missing TJ , who makes the TEA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ------------- Lansdowne Road debut aged 52 and 201 days . |
Posted By: McG
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 12:47pm
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This is sensational stuff "Hello" ------------- YBIG Table Quiz winner 2016 & 2017 AS YOU WERE McGx |
Posted By: cm79
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 1:06pm
Brilliant TJ 
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Posted By: BigStrongMan
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 1:09pm
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------------- PM me for all forum moderation queries. |
Posted By: keitho5
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 1:16pm
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------------- Oooooooooohhhhhh yes sir...... |
Posted By: El_nino
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 1:17pm
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Top class
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Posted By: Roberto Baggio
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 1:25pm
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First one 4/10 Second one a solid 7/10
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Posted By: SteviesGranny
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 1:27pm
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Does anyone else read these in a Roy Keane accent! Briliiant stuff |
Posted By: Trap junior
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 2:09pm
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chapter 5: My last week at United ''October 29 2005. United are playing an important Premier League game away to Middlesbrough. I have to miss the game with injury sustained against Liverpool a month earlier. Its a f**king shambles. United lose 4-1. It's embarassing. Due to contractural obligations it's my turn to do an analysis of the game for the club's tv channel MUTV. The now infamous interview was tame in truth. There was nothing in that interview that was out of order. I told it like I saw it. As the presenter Steve Bower showed me the goals on the video I felt ashamed to be associated with those players. The fans who paid our wages had to go into work on Monday morning and endure the taunts, the sneers. I wasn't about to sugarcoat my words. I made comments about various players that were fair and accurate. The full interview is included at the end of this chapter and I stand by it. The next day I'm called to the managers office. Alex Ferguson had been the most successful manager in recent times but he had lost the drive. I felt after the league title triumph in 2003, he had lost the hunger, was going through the motions. He made a string of poor buys. Guys like Heinze, Kleberson, Djemba Djemba and Alan Smith arrived at the club. We were Manchester United. We were supposed to be winning championships and Champions League titles with these players?? United had been the top force in British football for a decade. Now Arsenal and Chelsea had stepped up their games. We had fallen behind. Mourinho's Chelsea were the new top dogs and looked almost unbeatable the previous season. They were signing top talent. Making a real go of it. We were going backwards. Buying rejects from the bargain basement of world football. I knock on the managers door. The manager had a go at me. I wasn't about to accept this from him. I told the truth. Told him he was losing the hunger. Said I wanted the interview to be shown to the players. That I stand by it. He agreed. That day we sat in the room while the interview was shown to the players. A couple walked out. Views were exchanged. Some of the players sat there and never said a word. 'Cowards' I thought. It was clear that most of the players resented my comments and at the end Carlos Quiroz tried to step in and be the big man. 'Why was he butting in now?' I thought. I told him exactly what I thought of him. Van der Sar told me I was out of order. I told him to 'go f**k himself' and left the room. The manager summoned me to his office the following morning. I called Michael Kennedy. Michael's been a good friend and knows how to deal with things like this. He managed to make David Connolly the highest paid footballer in Holland. He could sell ice to the eskimos. 9am we entered the managers office. Ferguson sat opposite me looking sheepish. ''We are going to have to let you go Roy'' ''The interview crossed the line and you have lost the trust of your teammates'' I said nothing. Sat there silently listening to the spin this clown was spouting. ''I thank you for your 11 yrs service to the club and we wish you well in the future.'' ''You're a liar Alex. It was 12 yrs service.'' I said 'Why was he deliberately getting his timeline wrong??' I thought We shook hands and I left the ground. Michael Kennedy stayed behind to work out a severance package. I sat in my car and cried for maybe 2 mins then thought ''f**k him. He betrayed me. He sold me out.'' Ferguson the man was ruthless. A non human. He had fallen out with Incey, Ruud and Becks. Uses you then throws you away when you are of no use to him. 'He'll get what's coming to him' I thought. I arrived home. Triggs greeted me at the gate. Thank God for her. She knows the way it is. She stood by me through Saipan, and she will stand by me now. She will never betray me. I told Theresa what happened. She was great. I put on my wellies and paddy hat. ''Lets go Triggs. We're going for a walk.'' On Rio Ferdinand: “Just because you are paid £120,000 a week and play well for 20 minutes against Tottenham you think you are a superstar.” On Edwin van der Sar, who let in the first goal against Boro from 30 yards: “He should have saved that.” On John O’Shea: “He’s just strolling around but he should be bursting a gut to get back.” On Darren Fletcher: “I can’t understand why people in Scotland rave about Darren Fletcher.” On Kieran Richardson: “He is a lazy defender who deserved to get punished.” On Alan Smith: “He is wandering around as if he is lost. He doesn’t know what he is doing.” On Carlos Quiroz: ''You're the worst coach I've ever worked with.'' On Ruud Van Nistelrooy: ''He should be more concerned with scoring goals than playing with his hair.'' ------------- Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more... 97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC) |
Posted By: RogerMilla
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 2:19pm
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hang on a sec TJ that last bit is all true ------------- The first time the Devil made me do it. The second time I did it on my own. |
Posted By: Trap junior
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 2:25pm
I think I am staring to believe Im Roy Keane ------------- Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more... 97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC) |
Posted By: Trapped
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 2:51pm
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Quality work TJ. ------------- 67% points to games ratio at the last Euro's (better than Portugal's) |
Posted By: El_nino
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 6:30pm
Guilty
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Posted By: SteviesGranny
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 7:38pm
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He managed to make David Connolly the highest paid footballer in Holland
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Posted By: The Count
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 9:45pm
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we want more, we want more ------------- 
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Posted By: FREEWHEELER
Date Posted: 12 Feb 2014 at 10:01pm
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Great stuff son ------------- We'll never die, we'll never die, we'll keep the Green Flag flying high......Shamrock Rovers will never die, we'll keep the Green Flag Flying high. 19 Leagues and 25 Cups..... |
Posted By: Trap junior
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 12:05am
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Ch 14 Punditry ''I had always sworn I would never be a pundit. In 2008 Sky came looking for me to do a Man Utd game at Old Trafford. I had always hated the idea but they put up big money so I called Michael Kennedy. He knows how I am. ''Go for it Roy. why not?'' he said I reluctantly agreed. Michael made the arrangements. A few weeks later I arrived at Old Trafford. I had started to hate the place ever since I left United. I felt like I was going to place of betrayal. Kick off was 4pm but Sky require you to be at the stadium from 11am for make up and rehearsals. I am met at the security entrance by a Sky crew member. He escorts me up to the Sky studio whereupon I am greeted by sky anchorman Richard Keys. I dislike him immediately but I think ''bite your lip Roy, try to get on with it.'' He is wearing jeans and a white shirt with black suede shoes. He looks like he has stepped out of a MArks and Spencer's catelogue. The one where some gimp has his jacket hanging off the back of his shoulder with his index finger. I had only ever seen him wearing suits before fromwatching the tv coverage from my home. He looked like a clown. He greeted me waith a smarmy handshake ''Welcome Roy'' he said as he told me to have a seat. He handed me a few A4 sheets of paper which had the script for todays broadcast. ''What the fook is this?'' I thought ''Are we in a panto or analysing a f**king football match??'' I said to Keys. He just laughed like a moron. I gave him a hard stare. The one where it looks like red lasers are coming out of my eyes burning a hole in his face. Keys gives me a quick run down of how he wants things to go today and I just wanted to leave. ''Don't do it Roy. Don't take the bait'' I thought. ''Lets go down the canteen for some grub Roy'' ''No I'm ok. Theresa gave me a breakfast.'' ''Well we usually eat at 12 Roy then come back up around 1.30 for make up.'' ''ok''. ''Great'' he said. ''Jamie should be along shortly''. I rolled my eyes. He was referring to Jamie Redknapp. Footballs pretty pin up boy. I played against him many a time. I thought he was a coward. We entered the canteen under the main stand. Keys ordered a Lasagne and chips. I went for a bowl of water and lumps of raw meat. It's what I used to have before a game. After a while in walks Redknapp looking like a complete fool. He's wearing skin tight ripped jeans, a black shirt and a scarf. It's indoors and early September. He has one of those haircuts that just screams 'punch me'. It's a hairdo Theresa would pay good money for. HE has brought his hair straightener along and a multitude of hair products. I know this is going to be one of those days where I will find it hard not to smash him through the window. I am feeling uncomfortable being among these muppets. Then in walks the gruesome twosome. Martin Tyler and Andy Gray. Tyler looks like a pall bearer. All the character of a slug and his scottish sidekick is the Mouth of the Clyde. I hate the pair of them. I made my way to the toilet and stayed there for half an hour. Anything to avoid talking to these fools. When I came back they were s*****ring. ''Have a dose of the old Guinness trots Roy!?'' I felt my hand clench into a fist. Just then the sky make up girls come over to the table to tell us its time to get ready. Keys is saved by the bell. I am already wearing my suit but Keys and the other fool have to go off to change into their Armani suits and Rolex watches. I sit in one of those directors chairs while the girls do their thing. They are lovely but I dont like wearing make up. 40mins till we go on air. We are all in the studio. Keys is drining a cup of tea talking about some tart that worked in Sky Sports News. Redknapp is giggling like a schoolgirl. ''I'd like to smash her backdoors in'' Keys boasts like a pubescent prick. ''Why dont you shut your mouth or I'll smash your face in'' R.Keane can be cutting too. Keys sits stunned. Nobody''s ever pulled him on acting like a sexist pig before. I have a mother, a wife and daughter. Pricks like him degrading them. Keys and the other muppett sit in silence like choir boys until we go on air. The game is a snorefest. At half time Keys wants us to go over the highlights of the 1st half. ''Highlights?'' I thought . I was nearly asleep. I was getting sick of this imposter. A 58 year old man acting like a horny kid. I grabbed him by the hair on the back of his hands and stuck him a headbutt from across the table. Redknapp ran like a girl in terror. I'd get him another day. People were scurrying for cover. Security was called. I made my getaway down the gantry stairs. Luckily I brought my trusty basball cap. I pulled it down over my face. No one recognised me as I left the building. Then all of a sudden... ------------- Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more... 97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC) |
Posted By: Sham157
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 12:14am
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Posted By: Claret Murph
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 7:21am
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" Bowl of water and raw meat " and still no sign of a Tea Bag , but there is still time . ------------- Lansdowne Road debut aged 52 and 201 days . |
Posted By: RogerMilla
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 7:25am
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He has one of those haircuts that just screams 'punch me'. ------------- The first time the Devil made me do it. The second time I did it on my own. |
Posted By: FREEWHEELER
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 8:22am
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Superb, Roy O Carroll Kelly ------------- We'll never die, we'll never die, we'll keep the Green Flag flying high......Shamrock Rovers will never die, we'll keep the Green Flag Flying high. 19 Leagues and 25 Cups..... |
Posted By: Barna Bee
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 8:48am
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very good , you are a bit of a talent .....keep it up! ------------- "in di cup for Tottinghang!" |
Posted By: McG
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 9:07am
Absolute gold. I'll get it linked on the twitter machine. ------------- YBIG Table Quiz winner 2016 & 2017 AS YOU WERE McGx |
Posted By: FREEWHEELER
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 9:35am
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"Tyler looks a pallbearer", ha ha....... ------------- We'll never die, we'll never die, we'll keep the Green Flag flying high......Shamrock Rovers will never die, we'll keep the Green Flag Flying high. 19 Leagues and 25 Cups..... |
Posted By: Flanno7hi
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 9:41am
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I went for a bowl of water and lumps of raw meat. It's what I used to have before a game.
hahahaha ------------- Our City. Our Community. Our Club IG @flanno_7hi |
Posted By: BigStrongMan
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 10:29am
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------------- PM me for all forum moderation queries. |
Posted By: Baldrick
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 10:32am
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Roger Millla made reference to Keane's solcitor having an issue with this. Can SuperDave or Gerk or someone advise as to why this could not be put into a newspaper under a parody article and use that as defence. Surely this would be comedy gold for a newspaper to print once a week. ------------- AKA pedantic kunt |
Posted By: FREEWHEELER
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 10:55am
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Surely if you changed the various names to something else, there couldn't be any issues, not that there should be anyhow, it's only a piss-take, I'd say Roy would even laugh. ------------- We'll never die, we'll never die, we'll keep the Green Flag flying high......Shamrock Rovers will never die, we'll keep the Green Flag Flying high. 19 Leagues and 25 Cups..... |
Posted By: Baldrick
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 10:59am
Or maybe it could be read out loud on radio like the way Joe O'Connor had his slot on Drivetime on Radio 1. Cork Accent would be a pre-requisite though ------------- AKA pedantic kunt |
Posted By: McG
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 11:18am
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Gift Grub dont have any issues with their portrayal of Roy. And as FW said, Roy would have a good chuckle at this stuff. Someone tweet it to Alfie Haaland there. ------------- YBIG Table Quiz winner 2016 & 2017 AS YOU WERE McGx |
Posted By: t_rAndy
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 11:23am
| Started off brilliant. Like a lot of good screenplays it seemed there was a difficulty wrapping it up and it felt a little rushed with the McCarthy bit |
Posted By: t_rAndy
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 11:29am
| Just read the updated diary with keys and gray. Now that was classic! |
Posted By: El_nino
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 11:41am
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Bowl of water and lumps of raw meat Quality work
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Posted By: McG
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 11:42am
 ------------- YBIG Table Quiz winner 2016 & 2017 AS YOU WERE McGx |
Posted By: SuperDave84
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 11:48am
Not a defamation expert but it is parody so no reason why you shouldn't be allowed to say it. It helps that it's funny. ------------- 
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Posted By: Baldrick
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 11:51am
Yeah the legal argument as far as I know around parody is could anybody honestly believe that the real Roy Keane is behind it. I think it manages to be realistic without being truly believable that it is actually Keane behind it. This should be given more exposure. ------------- AKA pedantic kunt |
Posted By: Just saying like
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 11:59am
I read this thread for the first time today and all I can say is wow. Fair play pal it's class and I agree with everyone else who said you have a great talent for this. Keep it up  ------------- I don't know what more we can do in terms of being open and transparent - John Delaney |
Posted By: Gaz
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 1:49pm
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in stitches reading the last one Great stuff TJ ------------- I dont email the count anymore, its been 9 months : ( He even sent me a YBIG scarf for my Birthday |
Posted By: Trap junior
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 2:06pm
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ch 20 Eamon and me Eamon Dunphy was the ghostwriter for my last autobiography published in 2002. Ironically it was released shortly after the Saipan incident. Sales were very high and it was ultimately nominated for Sports Book of the Year both in the UK and Ireland. I had chosen Eamon to write the book because I had always admired his go for broke style on RTE. He was outspoken, gave his opinion and had attitude. We were a good match. Eamon came to my house near Manchester in June of that year to commence work on the project. I dont let people come to my house. No one is allowed in. But I made an excepton for Eamon. Eamon came to fame amongst the public in 1990 where he was very critical of Charlton and his tactics against Egypt. The Irish public, most of whom wouldn't know a football from an eggtimer were outraged. Here was little Ireland on the worlds football stage amongst the great nations of the world. What could possibly be wrong with that? Fools. I had long held the public with little respect. Most of them dont have opinions. Could they not see the hoofball they were watching?? Go with the flow. Dead fish. Eamon told it like it was. I respected that. We sat down in my lounge. Eamon had a dictaphone and a pen and scratchpad. We chatted for 3 hours about Mayfield and my childhood. Eamon probing memories that I otherwise forgot. He did a good job. Eamon came to my house 6 times during the summer and the book was ready for launch in early September. I went to Eason's in Dublin for the booksigning. Many came which surprised me considering I dont like many people. The FA had a problem with the book. I was called before a disciplinary committee to explain the chapter where I had apparently premeditated an assault on Alf Inge Haaland. Eamon came with me. He explained to them that I hadn't actually told him this but that he used journalistic licence and freedom to embelish the story. Nonetheless I was given a hefty fine. In 2003 Eamon had a new tv chat show. It was on TV3. Rte's rival station. It clashed with the long established and popular Late Late Show broadcast on RTE. Eamon was no shrinking violet! He knew what he was doing. Michael called me to tell me that Eamon was keen to have me on the show. I was reluctant to do it. I felt Eamon was trying to earn money and credibility from our relationship. The seeds of doubt about him were planted in the mind of R.Keane. When I appeared on the show Eamon was a complete sycophant. He was gushing over me like a schoolgirl would for a member of Westlife. My estimation of him plummeted as he brown nosed me. The interview went ok but I made a decision about Eamon. No more communication with this muppet. As I gave Eamon the cold shoulder for the next few years he gradually got the message. 'f**k off!' He slowly began to get more critical of me in his 'articles' and his tv appearances. When I became a manager he criticised me heavily for my work at Sunderland and Ipswich. I would remember that. ''He'll get what's coming to him'' I thought. In 2011 I was over for my annual visit. Guide dogs for the Blind in the Radisson Hotel near Stillorgan. I like dogs. They dont betray you like humans do. They dont sh*te talk. Dont try to make money and fame from knowing you. Triggs eventually crossed the line when she did an autobiography and she was subsequently removed from my inner circle. The day is going well. Its sunny. I am wearing sunglasses. Then I spot him. Dunphy. He is sniffing around looking for quotes from his pals in the media. I watch him closely. After a while I see him move towards the gents toilet. I excuse myself and follow him in. He's taking a piss in one of the urinals. I approach him from behind and grab him by the neck and push his face into the wall. '''Dont you ever sl*g me off again you ****!!'' ''I'm sorry Roy!'' he pleaded like a girl I said ''drink your own piss and we'll call it even'' ''I hate piss Roy''. I handed him a pint full of it. ''Drink it'' ''Yes Roy'' and down she goes It was why Dunphy was more positive about myself and Martin's appoinment in November 2013. He knows not to mess with R.Keane. ------------- Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more... 97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC) |
Posted By: Funsize Crouchy
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 2:42pm
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Excellent work TJ
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Posted By: Flanno7hi
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 2:53pm
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Triggs eventually crossed the line when she did an autobiography and she was subsequently removed from my inner circle.
hahaha ------------- Our City. Our Community. Our Club IG @flanno_7hi |
Posted By: The GerK
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 2:55pm
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Think we will start running these as blogs with pics etc |
Posted By: Trap junior
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 3:49pm
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Euro 2012 As part of contract with ITV I was scheduled to be a member of their 3 man panel in the studio for their coverage of Euro 2012 in Poland and Ukraine. Ireland had unexpectedly qualified for Poland after 10 yrs without qualifiying for anything. I wasn't surprised it was so long. You have muppets running the game in the country. You reap what you sow. Giovanni Trapattoni had taken the Ireland job in May 2008. It had raised eyebrows in Europe partly because Trapattoni had been a top coach and Ireland were a footballing backwater. I was surprised the FAI could arrange contracts. I wouldn't trust them to wash my car. It would probably go on fire. I had done Champions League coverage with ITV but now I would have to comment on my country. I wasn't about to mince my words. Ireland had been handed a tough draw. Spain, Croatia and Italy were in their group. To be fair to Trapattoni it was probably the hardest group to be drawn in and Spain were World Champions and reigning European Champions. Italy had won the World Cup before Spain back in 2006 and Croatia had knocked England out of qualifying for Euro 2008. Still. My feeling was 'if you want to be the best you've got to beat the best.' On June 10 Ireland play their first game of the tournament in Poznan. Poland. Our studio is based in Warsaw so I get to look at the game objectively without the hoolabaloo from 30,000 Irish fans in the streets clouding my judgement. Adrian Chiles ITV's presenter asks me how the Irish will do in the tournament. 'I expect the Irish to win the tournament' I say. Chiles looks at me like I have 3 heads. Lee Dixon the former Arsenal defender is the other analyst. When I say analyst I use that term loosely. The man's a fool. He's there because he's got a nice haircut and says bland pleasantries. ''I think Roy's right'' he says. I roll my eyes. What else would you expect this clown to say. He's been like an echo ever since we've been working together. I make a point of never looking him in the face. I have more regard for a turd. ''You really expect the Irish to make a run at the Euros Roy?'' Chiles interjects I give him a hard stare for maybe 7 seconds. Chiles is looking very uncomfortable and is dying to break the silence, the dead air that TV anchormen dread. ''Why not?'' I say, giving him a filthy look ''I always expect to win. The Irish will make it hard for Croatia. Trapattoni's got the defence looking mean, which I like and I expect us to give it a right good go.'' ''I think Roy's right''. Dixon sticks his nose in with another echo that makes me think we are broadcasting from within a cave. Chiles interupts us to go to the match commentators and national anthems. After 3 mins Ireland are behind to a tame Mandzukic header from 12 yds out. Shay Given, Irelands goalkeeper takes an age to get down. Nobody can believe it when it hits the net. Given had been Irelands first choice keeper since 2001. Personally I thought he was a greedy child. He was a cap collector. I thought he wanted to be the first footballer to get to 1000 caps the way he was going. Played in every friendly. That was Shay. Give the other lads a go? No chance. Ireland lose 3-1. Its a f**king farce. They make me look bad after my pre game talk. I'm in no mood for Punch and Judy here beside me in the studio. After the broadcast I go back to my hotel room. I f**king trashed the place. Passers by may have seen a Panasonic Vieira flying out from the 20th story of the Holiday Inn, Warsaw amid a shower of glass. The mini fridge was next to go colliding into the roof of a Toyota Prius on the ground below. Lamps, Picture frames, you name it came to a tragic death. I sat looking at the wall for 10mins. There's a knock on the door. ''Who the f**k is that?'' I thought. ''Jest Policja'' I didn't understand but was guessing it was the police. I opened up the door. It was 2 police men and the hotel manager. The cops didn't speak english so the manager translated. ''was it you who threw the tv and fridge out the window?'' ''I gave him a hard stare. ''yeah. What's your probelm.'' ''you destoyed a guests car'' ''It was a f**king Toyota Prius. I've done him a favour. It's a piece of sh*t. He'll get over it'' I said. ''you'll have to come with us'' ''I'm going nowhere'' Within a minute two more policemen arrive on the scene. ''Hello?'' I thought Suddenly they have grabbed me by my arms and legs. Im still wearing my grey suit. One man to each limb. They are carrying me down the stairs. I am trying to kick and punch but these Polish ****s are too big and strong. They look like Ivan Drago's brothers. I am bundled into a police van and.... ...to be continued: Next: Ireland v Spain ------------- Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more... 97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC) |
Posted By: McG
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 4:16pm
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Excellent ------------- YBIG Table Quiz winner 2016 & 2017 AS YOU WERE McGx |
Posted By: Roberto Baggio
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 4:17pm
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Posted By: Boban
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 4:49pm
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Dixon sticks his nose in with another echo that makes me think we are broadcasting from within a cave. |
Posted By: The Huntacha
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 5:11pm
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said it before but brilliant ------------- Jimmy Bullard - "Favorite band? Elastic." |
Posted By: Gaz
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 6:37pm
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------------- I dont email the count anymore, its been 9 months : ( He even sent me a YBIG scarf for my Birthday |
Posted By: savo01
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 6:42pm
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''It was a f**king Toyota Prius. I've done him a favour.
------------- Jackie Charlton, Eoin Hand Johnny Giles. Ireland Mick McCarthy, Stephen Staunton Cascarino Tony Galvin, Niall Quinn Packie doesn't let em in North of Ireland South of Ireland Only one can go |
Posted By: jinky
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 7:06pm
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------------- tir gan teanga ,tir gan anam |
Posted By: Trap junior
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 7:24pm
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....for once I felt ashamed. I'd let ITV down, my parents, kids and Theresa. Normally I cut myself some slack. 'That's who I am. Take me or leave me' sort of attitude But not this time. 'What would Theresa think??' 'Will the Polish come down hard on me?' We arrive at the police station. I am put in a cell for a few hours to cool off. I feel remorse. I know I've done the wrong thing, but f**k it Ireland were so sh*t. After a few hours I am let out on bail. I have a court appearance in the morning. The police warn me that if I do not turn up that I will be caught and given a severe kicking. I nod. These guys aren't like the cops back home, who are more or less straight shooters. These boys mean business and are a law unto themselves. They look forward to dishing out a few beatings. I call Michael. He's already on the way to the airport. News has filtered home via twitter that I've been arrested. He tells me not to worry. He'd sort everything. It put my mind at ease. I check into another hotel under the alias 'Rodney Trotter'. I can't have the press hounding me and need to keep a low profile. I check in and get to my room. It's luxurious. Ive got a dvd player. I put on some Fawlty Towers. Good old Basil. He can always make me laugh. 'Maybe HE could manager Ireland?' I thought. Next morning I appear in court before the judge. I plead guilty, pay a hefty fine and agree to buy the gimp with the Prius another one. 'What a waste. I'd rather drive a Lada' I thought. I am ordered to return to the hotel to issue an apology and pay up for the damage I caused. It amounts to 48,000 plz which is roughly 12,000 euro. Michael is great. It's going to be fine. He makes sure that the press think its only a twitter rumour. It's a close escape. Theresa doesn't have to know. Michael tells me that I need to calm down. For once I agree. He says he's going to stay with me for the rest of the trip. I appreciated that. He knows what I'm like when I'm away from home, away from my wife and kids. Sometimes I need to let off a bit of steam. As far as ITV know, I've had a quiet night in. But I need to sort myself out before my next appearance in 3 days time when Ireland take on Spain in Gdansk. Will I make it unscathed? I've had enough of my behaviour. I go to the ITV sport executive producer and offer up my resignation. Maybe that will lessen the pressure on me. We agreed 'no'. He says I am taking these performances too personally, taking on too much responsibility. 'Take a few days off and come back fresh for the Spain game Roy'. ------------- Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more... 97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC) |
Posted By: FREEWHEELER
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 7:25pm
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Breaking me bolix laughing here at the last chapters! ------------- We'll never die, we'll never die, we'll keep the Green Flag flying high......Shamrock Rovers will never die, we'll keep the Green Flag Flying high. 19 Leagues and 25 Cups..... |
Posted By: garytwigg21
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 7:30pm
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Just seeing this. Magical stuff ------------- This time next year........ |
Posted By: 9fingers
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 7:50pm
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Great work TJ
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Posted By: El_nino
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 8:58pm
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In stiches here reading the latest installments
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Posted By: BigStrongMan
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 9:00pm
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TJ ------------- PM me for all forum moderation queries. |
Posted By: irish_stokey
Date Posted: 13 Feb 2014 at 11:05pm
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Crying at the Lee Dixon parts ------------- COYBIG |
Posted By: Trap junior
Date Posted: 14 Feb 2014 at 12:56pm
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Ireland had got off to the worst possible start. A 3-1 defeat to Croatia had dashed hopes of qualifying for the knock out stage. Yet, there was still a slight chance. A victory against Spain and Italy would get Ireland through. A big ask but not impossible. I've always felt Ireland should be challenging for major honours, not just there to make up the numbers. Not everybody thought like me however. The mood coming from the Irish camp was not good. During the press conference the usual positive lines were trotted out. ''We fear no one and we are here to win.'' I didn't feel much energy or urgency coming from the lads though. ''Is this the attitude these lads bring into battle?'' I thought. One of the first rules in sport is that you go into games feeling you are as good, if not better than the opposition. Whether that is the case or not is irrelevant. As players you have to think this way. Trick the mind. At Manchester United no one was allowed feel inferior. If you did you were out the door. Mourinho one of the best managers in the world inflates his players confidence. He had Paulo Ferreira believing he was a top class player! Got him playing out of his skin! Paolo f**king Ferreira! The same could be said of Premier League journeymen Wayne Bridge and Joe Cole. They were no world beaters but under Mourinho they believed it. There were rumours coming fromt he camp that Trapattoni had overtrained them pre tournament. Aidan McGeady amongst others had complained of the intensity and wanted a day off. ''Hello'' I thought. Did they think they were going on f**king holidays for 3 weeks or something?? You've come to a tournament to try to win it. You should be working hard. I relished the hard work of training. As a player I felt the warm glow of satisfaction that only comes at the end of the day after a hard days training. I felt good, that I had justified my existence as a professional. That I had repaid the fee Manchester United had paid for me. Yet here were these cowards afraid of getting tired. It had been the same old story when I played for Ireland. In Saipan Alan Kelly and the goalkeepers wanted to sit out a training game because they had practised for half an hour! I wasn't surprised the mentality of the squad was so weak with lads like Shay Given still on board. Afraid of graft! Trapattoni had given in and let the lads have a day off. If it was me I would have had Aidan McGeady up against a wall and told to him to train hard or f**k off home. The day of the game comes round fast. Once again I am in the studio in Warsaw. I am joined by Chiles and Gareth Southgate. Southgate had been a defender for Crystal Palace in 1995 when I stamped on him in an FA Cup semi final at Villa Park. He told me he still has a Hi-Tec logo imprinted on his chest fromt he incident. I tell him to ''go f**k himself''. To be fair to Southgate he wasn't a bad lad, but the sort of geeky mate you might be embarassed to have next to you on a night out. Still, it doesn't stop him getting on my nerves. Chiles had beeen drafted in from the BBC One Show. He had an unusual style. I didn't hate him but I didn't like him either. Too goofy and relaxed for serious football discussion. He was more suited to presenting programmes like Pet Rescue and Antiques Roadshow than international football. He asks me for a prediction. My head says Spain but I am not going to show these English bastards that the Irish are here to lose. ''Ireland 2-0'' I say. Southgate goes for Spain. I flash him a filthy look. After 2 mins Torres has Spain 1-0 up. ''Was this f**king Groundhog Day?'' I thought. ''Can these bunch of so called professional footballers not go 10mins without conceding from the kick off??'' I was digusted. The Irish are slaughtered first half yet somehow its only 1-0 at half time. We're back on air. ''Well Roy, not quite what we were hoping for from the Irish was it?'' ''The games not over yet. At 1-0 there's always hope.'' I say The second half is worse. A f**king shambles. Yet again Ireland concede straight from the kickoff. I decide to go to the toilet. I take a load of toilet paper and stuff it in my mouth and let out a scream of anger and frustration. No one can hear me. I kick out at the toilet seat sending it flying off its hinges into the wall. I compose myself to go back out and watch the rest of the game. When I return its 3-0. ''For f**k sake''. Not long after its 4-0. I am mortified. the sneers and mocking from these English pricks will be hard to bear. Im Irish. A proud Irishman. These sort of taunts just eat into my soul. There's 10 mins left to play. Theres 35,000 Irish in the stadium. They are singing like they have won the world cup. The 'Fields of Athenry' is sung by everyone over and over until the final whistle. I am disgusted. Losing 4-0, the country shamed beyoned belief and these eejits dressed as leprechauns are dancing and singing like it's f**king St.Patricks Day. They should be smashing up the stadium, and waiting to assault the the players after the game. Same old same old. Typical Ireland. Mickey f**king Mouse. Take defeat lightly. Not me. I will be going back to my hotel to brood for the rest of the night while these muppets hit the town for a few beers and a singsong. Chiles wants my reaction. I am calm but scathing. I decide to tell a few home truths. ''Robbie Keane, Shay Given, Damien Duff and Richard Dunne are the supposed senior players. Not one of them has turned up to this tournament! I think they are still waiting for their legs to come through customs!'' ''Not one player can come out of this with any credibility. Shay Given: sh*te Richard Dunne : sh*te John O'Shea: sh*te Sean St.Ledger: sh*te Stephen Ward: f**king useless Cox: muppet Duff: A disgrace Whelan and Andrews should forget football and think about being a nocturnal security officer in a car park or something coz all they are good for is standing around looking stupid doing f**king nothing! I dont think Glenn Whelan knows what a football is! Someone should tell him its a round thing that is supposed to be rolled along the ground to your team mates. He thinks it's a f**king weather balloon he's kicking it into the air so often. Is he trying to get a f**king read out of the air temperature or something??!! Adrian his performance was like a f**king lead balloon never mind a weather balloon. Aidan McGeady??: Is he really a pro footballer?? I played with him at celtic and let me tell you that he is as bad now as he was then. I dunno if he is playing with a full deck to be honest. We must have told him a million times to beat the first man with his crosses. I think we have a clip of him here trying to cross the ball tonight. First cross here: Bam! hits the first man. Second one: Bam! hits the first man. Third one: Bam! hits the first man. Fourth example: Bam! hits the first man. This goes on and on. I don't think that lad could cross a bridge. Robbie Keane: Showed about as much class tonight as Jodie Marsh on a night out in Essex wearing a mini skirt and se through f**king knickers! There's a reason he is playing in Hollywood Adrian. No one f**king wants him. Waving his his hands in the air like he is at a f**king pop concert. No wonder he always has injured shoulders, he's probably got repetitive strain from waving all day! I think he's been listening to 'Maniac 2000' a bit too much. Maybe he's trying to start a mexican wave? Kevin Doyle: He's been relegated more times than Accrington Stanley! Useless! A waste of space! Jon Walters: I got rid of him at Ipswich. He hasn't a brain in his head. A complete dope! He runs into more walls than George Michael drink driving! People blaming the manager! Nah! The players should betaking a good hard look at themselves! No Wonder Trapattoni has no hair anymore, he must have been tearing it out for the last 5 yrs! And the muppets in the stand singing away! Listen I dont agree with that nonsense! Let's not go along for the craic and a singsong every now and then. We need to change the mentality in Ireland. Not good enough. Chiles is sat there mesmerised by what I've just said. For too long now I've played the PR game. Don't say anything controversial Roy. Play the game. That will get you back into management. Well f**k that! I was told by some that only a fool would let me back into management. Then John Delaney called. Say no more... ------------- Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more... 97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC) |
Posted By: Roberto Baggio
Date Posted: 14 Feb 2014 at 1:45pm
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Posted By: Stillhuntinghenry
Date Posted: 14 Feb 2014 at 1:47pm
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best yet!!
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Posted By: McG
Date Posted: 14 Feb 2014 at 1:48pm
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The player ratings ------------- YBIG Table Quiz winner 2016 & 2017 AS YOU WERE McGx |
Posted By: RogerMilla
Date Posted: 14 Feb 2014 at 1:55pm
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then delaney called , genius ------------- The first time the Devil made me do it. The second time I did it on my own. |
Posted By: Flanno7hi
Date Posted: 14 Feb 2014 at 1:59pm
Magic  ------------- Our City. Our Community. Our Club IG @flanno_7hi |
Posted By: Stillhuntinghenry
Date Posted: 14 Feb 2014 at 2:01pm
| I notice trap is unscathed so far, surely RK has a view on him |
Posted By: FREEWHEELER
Date Posted: 14 Feb 2014 at 2:02pm
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Sunderland/Quinner chapters please! ------------- We'll never die, we'll never die, we'll keep the Green Flag flying high......Shamrock Rovers will never die, we'll keep the Green Flag Flying high. 19 Leagues and 25 Cups..... |
Posted By: Bob Hoskins
Date Posted: 14 Feb 2014 at 2:18pm
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That last one is brilliant. Classic Roy put downs Robbie Keane: Showed about as much class tonight as Jodie Marsh on a night out in Essex wearing a mini skirt and see through f**king knickers! There's a reason he is playing in Hollywood Adrian. No one f**king wants him. Waving his his hands in the air like he is at a f**king pop concert. Kevin Doyle: He's been relegated more times than Accrington Stanley! Useless! A waste of space! Jon Walters: I got rid of him at Ipswich. He runs into more walls than George Michael drink driving! ------------- Romario 2016: And the ticket mafia gets caught! Well, four years ago I had already told the government. |
Posted By: BigPodge
Date Posted: 14 Feb 2014 at 2:29pm
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Just gets better and better -------------
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Posted By: MC Hammered
Date Posted: 14 Feb 2014 at 2:33pm
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This is absolute gold TJ ------------- El Puto Amo |
Posted By: El_nino
Date Posted: 14 Feb 2014 at 2:41pm
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Robbie Keane: Showed about as much class tonight as Jodie Marsh on a night out in Essex wearing a mini skirt and see through f**king knickers! Brilliant
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Posted By: 9fingers
Date Posted: 14 Feb 2014 at 3:05pm
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Whelan and Andrews
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Posted By: Claret Murph
Date Posted: 14 Feb 2014 at 3:36pm
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Hummmmm attacking Robbie , slow it down TJ you are on thin ice ------------- Lansdowne Road debut aged 52 and 201 days . |
Posted By: Trap junior
Date Posted: 14 Feb 2014 at 3:38pm
Go f**k yourself  ------------- Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more... 97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC) |
Posted By: Trap junior
Date Posted: 14 Feb 2014 at 8:58pm
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I officially retired from professional football in 2006 after 5 months with Celtic. My hip had been at me and it was becoming a struggle to get through the 90mins. It took me longer to recover from games even with the latest sports science methods. In the summer of that year Niall Quinn and his Drumaville consortium had taken over Sunderland AFC. Ireland was awash with money during the so called Celtic Tiger years. Every fool thought he was a property developer. I despised these muppets. Lost the f**king run of themselves. The sports cars, the Rolex watches, the houses. Forgot the f**king people who got you the Rolex watches, the cars, the houses. Arseholes. The Drumaville consortium was full of them. I despised them straight away. Niall Quinn was the new chairman. Quinn had played for Sunderland for a few years. I wasn't too popular up that way after missing his testamonial there in 2002. Quinn was struggling to appoint anyone to manage the Mackems. This didn't surprise me. Piss up and brewery came to mind. Quinn had to take charge of the first team and was manager for the first 4 games. It was a joke. They lost all 4 and were rock bottom of the Championship. It was 'Carry on up the Stadium of Light'. Quinn was desperate to get out of the dugout and renewed his search for a proper manager. Michael phoned me in August to tell me that I was going to be contacted about the position. I had no time for Niall Quinn. We had been team mates for ireland under JAck and Mick McCarthy. He was a goody twoshoes. I had jokingly called him 'Mother Theresa' back in 2002 but the name stuck. He had sided with McCarthy during the Saipan fallout. To me he was a traitor. He knew the shambles on that went on on that island and he stuck by the man who arranged it all. I wanted to get into management. f**k it. I was willing to forgive but not forget. That was enough. Michael arranged a meeting with Quinn at a house in County Kildare. We shook hands after a brief yet cordial meeting. He offered me the job and I accepted it. A press conference was called a few days later and I was presented to the media. Football is a strange business. Chairman, managers and players are pragmatists at the end of the day. They'll work with the devil himself as ameans to an end. I was the devil in Mother Theresa's dugout from where he could look down on me from above. I was happy with the role. I am in the stand for the first game. Sunderland win 2-0. I am in charge at Leeds a few days later. We win 3-0. Things are looking up. The playing squad is poor. Results pick up but we are languishing mid table. Some of the players are f**king clueless. I knock on Quinns office door. I tell him we need a whole new squad. He promises me cash to spend. It's going to be hard to get top talent so I go for some Irish rejects. David Connolly, Graham Kavanagh, Liam Miller along with Dwight Yorke, Stan Varga and Ross Wallace. In January I sign Anthony Stokes, Carlos Edwards and Martin Fulop the goalkeeper. The Man utd duo Danny Simpson and Jonny Evans arrive to bolster the defence. We go onto win the league. we romp to a clinching 5-0 win away to Luton Town. The players are popping champagne in the dressing room after the game saying they didn't care if they won another trophy. ''Hello'' I thought. Was that it we have won the Championship, now we pack it in? ''Let the lads enjoy it Roy'' I thought but something bothered me. No matter how many people tell me I deserve that championship medal, I know I don't. I am already planning for next season. Sunderland had been a yo-yo club for years. Now Quinn was pulling the string I was determined we were going to stay up. But first we needed more signings. Next: My Premier League years with Sunderland ------------- Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more... 97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC) |
Posted By: PanteirA
Date Posted: 14 Feb 2014 at 10:58pm
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Keep them coming
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Posted By: Trapped
Date Posted: 14 Feb 2014 at 11:57pm
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------------- 67% points to games ratio at the last Euro's (better than Portugal's) |
Posted By: Stoked Up
Date Posted: 15 Feb 2014 at 5:35am
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TJ, take a bow son. You've found a calling. This will run and run. And yes, I'm another reading these with an R.K. Cork accent. |
Posted By: FREEWHEELER
Date Posted: 15 Feb 2014 at 11:45am
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I was the devil in Mother Theresa's dugout from where he could look down on me from above. Tremendous. ------------- We'll never die, we'll never die, we'll keep the Green Flag flying high......Shamrock Rovers will never die, we'll keep the Green Flag Flying high. 19 Leagues and 25 Cups..... |
Posted By: Trap junior
Date Posted: 15 Feb 2014 at 1:41pm
 A strong squad is a vital tool in the fight to stay in the Premier League. I felt while we had done ok in the transfer market we needed to strengthen further. Greg Halford, Michael Chopra and Kieran Richardson arrived at the club. Later on in the summer I persuaded Paul McShane, Dickson Etuhu and the Scottish 'Peter Schmeichel' Craig Gordon to join the club. Craig had been getting some stick for being a scottish goalkeeper. It had been a long running joke in the game that scottish keepers were liabilities. Craig would turn out to be my best signing. A snip for £9million. Andy Cole, Kenwyne Jones, Roy O'Donovan, Danny Higginbotham and Ian Harte joined before the deadline. Still, I felt we hadn't a big enough squad and needed more signings. I felt we might struggle with such a threadbare squad. Quinn had promised me a treasure chest to sign the talent we needed. Now the board were pinching on the purse strings. We had only signed 12 players in the summer transfer window. Not enough to survive a long hard season. I could tell straight away the premier league would be an uphill struggle. Still we started promisingly with a last minute home win against Spurs on the opening day of the season. A draw away to Birmigham wasn't the worst result before we went on a bad run. A 3-0 away defeat to lowly Wigan followed by defeats against Liverpool and Manchester United. The tie against United at Old Trafford had been much anticipated given my past with Ferguson. Sky were televising the game live. It was hyped up beyond belief. Sky were promoting it with their usual PR bullsh*t. ''Was this a game of football or is the pope coming to visit?'' I thought . When we arrived at Old Trafford, I had no feelings of regret. I had no feeling for the club. Football is a business. A cruel business. They were a business. Mancheter United was a ruthless company ran by a heartless dictator who wanted complete control of the club and everyone in it. He was as ruthless as Stalin. I had as much feeling for Ferguson as I had for a a used tissue. It's 3.55pm. The bell rings which is the signal for us to take our places in the tunnel for the 4pm kick off. I hadn't seen Ferguson yet but now its going to be unavoidable. I barely look at him as we shake hands prior to kick off. I want to show this f**ker we are here to win. We lose 1-0. I dont take defeat lightly. At full time I single out Chopra and Higginbotham. ''You two fools call yourselves professionals???'' ''You'll never play for this club again.''. I kick a teapot in their direction. The pot hits the walls about 1 ft obove their heads. They dont make a move as tea drips down over their faces. Manchester United weren't going to get off lightly either. Before catching the team bus home I take a ridiculous sh*t all over the bathroom floor smearing into the walls. There's a picture of Fred the Red on the wall. He'd do. I smeared sh*t all over his smug corporate face. ''Take that ya ****!'' Ferguson wanted a glass of wine up in his office with me. ''What the fook is this?'' ''Were we football managers or f**king lovers?'' I thought Football had become way too poncy. I rememeber with Rockmount we would purposely walk home barefoot throught streets of broken glass after a defeat. Now people had a glass of wine. I was expecting Jeremy Beadle to jump out and tell me I was being set up. No this was for real and I was beckoned to fergusons office. This sh*t was not what I am used to. I feel about as comfortable as Andy Reid in a gym. I knock on the door. ''Come in'' the voice of Stalin orders. It's going to be an interesting few minutes... ------------- Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more... 97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC) |
Posted By: Gaz
Date Posted: 15 Feb 2014 at 1:55pm
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Fred the Red ------------- I dont email the count anymore, its been 9 months : ( He even sent me a YBIG scarf for my Birthday |