How much do you stick in a wedding card?

A free bar, and constant top of Moet champagne is expected to give it a good review when asked how was the wedding. 

Anyway unbeknownst to me one of the mates had a friend of his with him on the night yer wan first emerged and the dirty coont told his sister who turned out to know my mot and of course been a nosey coont she asked the mot had we broken up when she got back from Australia because i had not gone, to which the mot said no, and of course the nosey coont followed up with (yes you got it) Oh when i seen him with ***** ******* i though you's were finished, well you's know the rest and nothing was going to fix it.

Forward on 4 years and out 1 night with a girl we bump into the ex with her new fella and got talking for about half an hour and something in me head was saying i know yer man from somewhere so i asked the ex and lo an behold it was only the fcker that had been in our company on the night i met the bird in the pub the coont that squelt to his sister the dirty coont, anyway the ex starts getting a bit soppy and asks would it be okay if we meet up to have a chat well i'm a free spirt and say yes, so to cut a long story short we meet over a couple of drinks and i get the feeling there is still something there between us but she tells me your man asked to to marry him and what did i think, i just said sure if you are happy why not and if you are not say no, have to say i got out of there and was quiet sad that i had fcked all this up as i knew by the way i felt that i still was mad about her.

After numerous phone calls and not having the balls to tell her how i felt and her not willing to do the same the date was approaching for the wedding and an invitation was giving to me but just for myself no plus 1, the girl i was knocking off at the time was not impressed but she did not know the extent of the link between us, she said to me you are not going to a wedding without me and i agreed (did not think i would be able to stomach it anyway, watching the girl i wanted but fcked it all up) anyway 2 days before the wedding i was due to go to a party with the mot and pulled the oul i am dying sick with the flu, sher go with your mates it will be grand i said as i decided to plot going to the wedding.

So anyway day of the wedding and i am still will i wont i, so say fck it a day out i will know most there and they will know me sure what could go wrong, proceed to the church and am welcomed with open arms by most of her family, i got on really well with them anyway especially her brothers who were sound and her sisters who were good craic, sure we used to babysit their kids (many's a good night had in their houses when the kids had gone asleep ) so we proceeded to the hollybrook hotel for the festivities and after the dinner and all the usual shoite speeches in which the coonts groomsman made a passing remark in which i was mentioned and got a good laugh from his half of the room, one of the ex's brothers said to me are you going to let him get away with that, i did not know what to say never mid what to do i just wanted to leave but i was convinced to stay, anyway i was making my way back from the jacks to the bar when the ex called me in the hallway to talk to me and was trying to apologise for the w**ker putting shoite like that in the speech (i wont lie i felt the tears welling up in my eyes as i looked ah her standing there and thinking that it should be me in the room sitting at the top table in my wedding suit but i just held them back but she could see i was hurting) she took me by the hand and we walked to the reception area and had a heart to heart and i let her know how i felt but wished her all the very best in marriage but she said why did i not do this before hand i was sad that i had said this now but she would not let it go, so i had to say what was bugging me about the incident back those years ago and how that sneaky coont had wormed his way to her by fckin squealing on me and then moving in for the kill (would probably do it myself if i liked the girl enough ) the coont was now coming out to the reception area with a couple of his gobshoites to ask what was going on and what i was at so i said just having a chat with a very good friend and she backed me up to which he replied well everyone is waiting on her and she should get back in the room, she said she would be a few minutes as we were not finished talking and sent him on his way to my glee  her brother had come out to make sure nothing physical was going to happen "ahem" as he said to me you should have clocked the coont, the sneaky coont certainly was not a family favourite  the brother said to us to take our time. Next thing i know we are walking upstairs holding hands and i find myself standing at her door with lips locking horns, enter the room and straight onto the bed jaysus some job banging a bird in a wedding dress and her not wanting to get "anything on it" it was a great ride fairly quick but great  we headed back to the reception area about 15 after the event where she proceeded to walk back intothe room and i just hung back and all i could see was her brother standing there looking at me with a big smirk on his face and then saying "i meant get the fcking groomsman back not the fckin groom but sure fck it he is a coont too " we just laughed and wandered back in, i had a huge smile on my face everytime i looked at the smug coont kissing his bride knowing where my cock had been just a short time earlier

 They broke up about 5 years later she was never happy