My Roy Keane Diary: 'A day in the life' |
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Claret Murph
Paul McGrath Hmmm, Goodness, I must say Joined: 16 Apr 2009 Location: Tibet Status: Offline Points: 15748 |
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Only one thing missing TJ , who makes the TEA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Lansdowne Road debut aged 52 and 201 days .
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BigPodge
Paul McGrath I'm the Gaffer Joined: 18 Feb 2008 Location: 123 Fake Street Status: Offline Points: 17370 |
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Superb work TJ
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The Huntacha
Roy Keane Joined: 27 Mar 2012 Location: Dubai Status: Offline Points: 12781 |
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Brilliant
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Jimmy Bullard - "Favorite band? Elastic."
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theheff1989
Ray Houghton My name badge won a prize Joined: 08 May 2012 Location: Wexford Status: Offline Points: 4667 |
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Been off this for a few days but this is a quality thread.
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Sham157
Moderator Group Joined: 17 Jul 2009 Location: Monaghan/Dublin Status: Offline Points: 33210 |
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Trap junior
Robbie Keane YBIG Minister of Doom & Gloom Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Irish Riviera Status: Online Points: 39835 |
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''The next day we had our first full training session with the team. Some of the lads had played the live tv game on the Sunday on Sky. Stoke had played Hull in an uneventful 0-0 and Glenn Whelan, Paul McShane, Marc Wilson, Shane Long and Robbie Brady had arrived later than the rest. So had Jon Walters. I had had problems with Walters during my time at Ipswich. 'Maybe this time things would be different' I thought. 'Let by gones be by gones Roy'.
Down at breakfast Martin is sitting chatting with some bloke called Steve Guppy. 'What's he doing here?' I thought. Guppy had been appointed as 'set piece expert' by O'Neill and this immediately set the alarm bells ringing in my head. I wasn't consulted over the decision. As part of the management staff I decided to sit down next to them. The conversation is strained. A new goalkeeping coach Seamus McDonagh completes the staff. He was someone who I barely knew of but was prepared to give him a chance. Then he opened his mouth. It was the last time I didn't hate him. Its 9.45am. We are boarding the bus to make the short journey up the road for our training session. It's scheduled for 10am. But there's a problem. Some of the lads are late. It quickly becomes apparent that it's some of the lads who arrived late last night. ''We'll give them 2 mins Martin''. For once Martin agrees with me. Most of them just make it. Except Jon Walters. 'Hello?' I thought ''f**k him. We are going without him.'' I instruct the driver to go. Late for his first day of training. I remember my first day of training for Utd. I paid a taxi driver to drive ahead of me to show me the way to the training ground in case I would be late. I was an hour early. I know it's only a small thing but stuff like that usually betrays an attitude to the job. Walters timekeeping told me something deeper about his character. I would file that away. For once an Ireland training session is properly structured. I had been up at 4am setting out the cones before going back to bed for a few hours sleep. Under Mick and his shadow Ian Evans some of the players were standing around idle while they set up the posession games. A f**king farce it was. I was going to show them bastards what a proper training session was like. During the warm up a taxi arrives. It's Jon Walters all of 15 mins late. He storms up to the training pitch. He's angry. I tell him to hurry up and join the rest. Later on in the session Martin sets up an 11 v 11 game. Bibs v non bibs. I immediately regret my decision to stay. Glenn Whelan and Paul McShane are f**king useless. I offer some encouragment but its' wasted on these fools. Glenn has been a regular in the Stoke team. I couldn't see why. Pass after pass went astray. ''will you f**king find your man!!'' I shouted He looked at me with a blank stare. ''Hello? Is anybody home?'' I thought McShane is worse. Couln't mark a statue that lad. I decide to join in the second half. Im now on Whelan's team. Walters is on the other side. After a few mins Walters comes at me with an over the top tackle. He's obviously pissed off at us leaving without him. He catches me on the ankle. I went down. I'm ok although I have am badly bruised. I continue. The balls finds walter over by the touchline. I hit him hard. ''Take that ya ****!'' I catch him with a kung fu kick that catches him in his chest and sends him flying. ''Don't ever be late for a bus again you scouse ****. And tell your pal Wilson hecan fook off aswell.'' Martin runs over. ''There was no need for that Roy'' he said ''Go f**k yourself'' ''I could have you shot you motherless free state gobsh*te'' he said ''Sorry Martin.'' ... to be continued |
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Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more...
97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC) |
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McG
Moderator Group SISAO? What the hell is SISAO? Joined: 27 Jan 2008 Location: Christmas Island Status: Offline Points: 26998 |
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Class.
Hurry up with the next one.
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YBIG Table Quiz winner 2016 & 2017
AS YOU WERE McGx |
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Boban
Kevin Kilbane Joined: 24 Jan 2014 Status: Offline Points: 394 |
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RogerMilla
Moderator Group #TEAMJAVIER #ENGANCHE Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Location: Delaney Park Status: Offline Points: 34858 |
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i have a feeling the editor would be getting a call from michael kenneddy
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The first time the Devil made me do it. The second time I did it on my own.
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RogerMilla
Moderator Group #TEAMJAVIER #ENGANCHE Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Location: Delaney Park Status: Offline Points: 34858 |
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TJ has come up with a couple of crackers lately , himself and waddle coudl make money out of this
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The first time the Devil made me do it. The second time I did it on my own.
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FREEWHEELER
Robbie Keane sPICE UP YOUR LIFE Gwan MONROY Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Location: Ireland Status: Offline Points: 24595 |
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You've missed your calling Trap Jr, outstanding son.
Seriously should be a weekly newspaper column, well done.
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We'll never die, we'll never die, we'll keep the Green Flag flying high......Shamrock Rovers will never die, we'll keep the Green Flag Flying high. 19 Leagues and 25 Cups.....
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9fingers
Paul McGrath Ballymun Resident #MONKEANO Joined: 30 Jan 2010 Status: Offline Points: 16144 |
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PanteirA
Jack Charlton Joined: 29 Jul 2012 Location: Ciarrai Status: Offline Points: 6744 |
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Baldrick
Robbie Keane Peyton-tly Pedantic Joined: 18 Sep 2008 Location: Ireland Status: Offline Points: 32783 |
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a newspaper could do worse and have this in their paper as a weekly column.
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AKA pedantic kunt
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BigStrongMan
Robbie Keane Just Modding Like Joined: 22 May 2009 Location: Ireland Status: Offline Points: 107633 |
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PM me for all forum moderation queries.
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Landon Donovan
Paul McGrath Sheldon Cooper Joined: 27 Aug 2010 Location: Neutral Zone Status: Offline Points: 15708 |
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Amazing
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Sham157
Moderator Group Joined: 17 Jul 2009 Location: Monaghan/Dublin Status: Offline Points: 33210 |
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Trap junior
Robbie Keane YBIG Minister of Doom & Gloom Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Irish Riviera Status: Online Points: 39835 |
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''I arrived on the first day into Dublin Airport as Ireland Assistant manager. The FAI had arranged for a driver to pick me up from the airport at 8.20pm Saturday night. I waited outside the Arrivals and there was no sign of the car. 'That's a good start I thought' and walked over to the taxi rank. All of a sudden this FAI emlazoned black Ford Focus nearly knocks me down he's driving so fast. It's my driver. He's all of 2 mins late. 'Bite your lip Roy' I thought. 'Lets not get off to a bad start already.' The drivers name was Tony, A Utd fan from Dublin, involved with the goons up in Abbottstown. I dislike him straight away. I flash him a dirty look as he apologises for being late. I say 'no problem' but inside I am seething. The journey commenced in silence. After a short while we entered Malahide. We arrived at the hotel in Portmarnock. I check in. The hotel staff are lovely. I get to my room, lock the doors. That's me done for the night.
Next morning some of the players had arrived. We are due to take an afternoon training session up the road in Gannon Park, Malahide Utd's home ground. On first impressions it's better than Clonshaugh, and the old shambles we had under the bad old days of Jack and Mick. I quickly greet a couple of the players in the hotel lobby and head out to inspect the pitch. I start putting out the cones for the warm up and notice some fools hanging around the pitch looking for autographs. I blank them as I walk by. On my return some more idiots have arrived. This time with Man Utd 'Keano' flags. One arsehole approaches me ''Roy sign my flag'' he blurts. I quickly sign it and go back to the hotel. I hate pricks like him. Every arsehole invading your space. Lunch arrives in the suite the Hotel have arranged for the team. Martin welcomes the players and says a few words. We are having cheese sandwiches and pizza. ''Where's the pasta, cereals and rice???'' I ask. Martin pipes up: ''You should have asked for that stuff Roy''. ''w**kers '' I thought and went back to my room. I ordered a takeaway sweet and sour chicken with steamed rice from the local chinese. Theresa rings my mobile. Thank God for her. She tells me that one of the dogs needs its toenails trimmed down at the vets. I love my dogs. They dont lie to you like people do. They dont talk bullsh*t and are loyal to a fault. 'Maybe a dog to manage Ireland?' I thought. I'm getting sick of this job already. I go to Martin's room and knock on the door. ''I've had enough''. 'What's wrong Roy?' ''Ive had enough. I want to go home.'' ''Is it me?'' Of course I should have said it is you, the staff, the FAI, the whole f**king shambles. ''No it's just [personal reasons.'' We shook hands and I went back to my room. 20mins later Robbie Keane knocks on my door. ''We heard you are going back? What's wrong??'' ''I've had enough'' Robbie pleads with me to stay. I respected that. His argument is persuasive. I tell him I will stay. A few mins later Martin bursts in the door. ''What's all this about Roy? I've already called up Emile Heskey to come in to replace you as assistant.'' ''That was quick i thought'' ''Ok. Leave it as it is Martin. I'll go.'' I like Emile. But maybe I am entitled to change my mind too. ''Look which is it? Make your mind up'' ''Ok. I'll stay''. ...To be continued in next weeks 'Roy of the No Hopers' |
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Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more...
97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC) |
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