My Roy Keane Diary: 'A day in the life' |
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Devrozex
Jack Charlton Joined: 23 Oct 2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 7676 |
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Posted: 13 Jun 2022 at 12:10pm |
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Trap junior
Robbie Keane YBIG Minister of Doom & Gloom Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Irish Riviera Status: Offline Points: 39840 |
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TOP GUN - Manchester Plot: Roy Keane is a maverick footballer with a past of not playing by the rules. He has been called up by Pep Guardiola at Man City to do some coaching of the young up and coming talent. Guardiola has tasked Keane with an assault on the European Cup and to teach the young guns the mentality that has so far been lacking in these talented yet wimpy players. The European Cup remains an elusive target that has so far evaded City.Little does Keane know one of the recruits is one Erling Haaland, son of 'Goose' Haaaland who still blames Keane for the death of his father Alfie during a ruthless tackling exercise. |
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Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more...
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amccarten313
Davey Langan Joined: 29 Mar 2015 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 991 |
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"he was an informer" great work as always
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Trap junior
Robbie Keane YBIG Minister of Doom & Gloom Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Irish Riviera Status: Offline Points: 39840 |
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Roy Scarface Keane In April 2002 I approached McCarthy about bringing my strength and conditioning coach from Manchester United Mick Clegg to the World Cup. It did not end well. (A week prior): I travelled to Bolivia with Niall Quinn to meet Clegg. He was the main man at giving athletes explosive strength. His stuff was good. Quinn had trepidation about the trip. Christ! Clegg welcomes us onto his property. He gives us a lunch as we sit outside in the hot sunshine. Everything is fine. We discuss a deal whereby Clegg will come to the 2002 World Cup Finals in Japan and Korea. Its my belief that this man will turn us into the SAS. A massive boost to the team which could see us take the trophy home. Quinn buts in. ''Roy I am down on Mick's authority to sanction any deal. Mick needs to get to know Mr. Clegg first.'' ''Let him propose a proposition and then we will talk some more'' I say. ''MrClegg. I am down on Mick's authority to sanction any deal.'' Quinn says. ''Why don't you go home and talk to Mick'' Clegg says ''Oh you can leave your friend here.'' ''Tell Mick I am keeping this guy on ice for him'' I say. Quinn is seething as he is escorted away by Clegg's associates. ''I like you Roy'' Clegg says. ''There is no lying in you. i think you speak from the heart. Unfortunately I can't say the same about the rest of your organisation. Your friend Quinn is an informer.'' Clegg hands me a pair of binoculars as I look up to find Quinn being hanged from a helicopter.'' ''Eh Clegg! I never liked that guy. Lets get one thing straight. I never f**ked anybody over in my life. Didn;t have it coming to me. That guy is a snake.'' 'Dont you ever try to f**k me Roy. Don;t you ever try to f**k me.'' I nod in understanding. 'Go back to Mick and we will talk next week'' A few days later I meet with Mick.... Mick: What the f**k happened to Quinny!? Me: He was an informer. Mick: You say he is an informer purely because Clegg said so?! Maybe you and Clegg know something I don't know! Me: 'Like what'? I say angrily Mick: You stole your deal with Clegg! What about Casper Gomesz? What about the Diaz brothers?! Me: f**k Casper Gomez and f**k the f**king Diaz Brothers!! f**k em all!'' Mick: Let's just say I want things to remain the same just as they are for now. Clegg wont e coming to Japan. I am the boss. Me: Ok Mick. Keane and David Connolly leave the scene: ''That guy is soft'' I say. Edited by Trap junior - 22 Mar 2022 at 7:32pm |
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Trap junior
Robbie Keane YBIG Minister of Doom & Gloom Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Irish Riviera Status: Offline Points: 39840 |
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Christmas 2021 We got through 2021. I don't know how but we did it. Christmas Eve. Off to Cork now for Christmas. Now myself Caragh, Aidan and the rest are meeting in Manchester airport. The Ma has booked us on an Aer Lingus flight to Cork via Amsterdam. The scenic route. Typical Ma. Trying to save a few bob. Every one of them in your face wanting something from you and that's before the public start coming up to you for autographs and selfies. We hauled our own luggage and checked ourselves in. The place was a circus. On top of that some of the grandkids come to the airport to see us off. Mickey f**king Mouse. My nightmare trip had begun. Earlier in the year I met my Ma in a hotel to discuss Christmas preparations this year. We agreed to do it right this time. The flights, the accommodation, the facilities and food. f**king bluffer. My nightmare trip was beginning to unfold. Our flight to Amsterdam is interrupted by arseholes looking for selfies. I read the papers and read a story about I had snubbed Santa Claus at a kids function at Santa's Grotto at the Trafford Centre. I'm in foul humour as we touch down in Amsterdam. A 4 hour stopover. Christ! My mood is further worsened by the news the Aer Lingus flight is delayed further due to the pilot coming down with Covid. They are scrambling to find a replacement. A weary 6 hrs later we touch down in Cork. We walk out of the arrivals hall. We were supposed to be collected. Instead we haul our bags into the boot of a taxi. 'Mayfield driver'. We arrive at the Keane house. Its the end terrace house. I ring the door bell. No answer. The lights are on. I ring again. Eventually the Ma answers. 'Ah Roy. You made it!'. We have a cursory cold hug and we go inside. Its late so a small snack and we go to bed tired. Christmas morning. Theresa and myself go downstairs to find the Ma making the Christmas dinner. We exchange presents. Theresa and myself present a 16 piece crockery set from Harrods. Ma then looks a bit sheepish and tells me my present hasn't arrived yet. She had ordered it from a Chinese website. 'They've let me down Roy' she says. 'Ma it should have been here two weeks ago!' 'Two weeks ago!' 'Fail to prepare, prepare to fail!' Typical Cork. I decide I want to leave. 'Is it me Roy?' she says. Of course I should have said 'yes it is you! The crap preparation, the late presents, the whole f**king lot!' but instead I say 'No, just personal reasons.' I go to my room to pack. 10 mins later Theresa comes to my room. Says I have two minutes to make up my mind whether to stay or go. Ma is about to call up Johnston to come for Christmas instead. 'I'll stay'. 'f**k it Roy. It's Christmas. Try and get along.' I say to myself. Christmas dinner. I sitting next to Aidan who says he didn't sleep well, that the bed was lumpy and dangerous with the bed springs beginning to penetrate through he tired old mattress. Theresa puts on some Christmas music . Ma serves up the dinner. Out comes bangers and mash. 'What the f**k is this?' I say 'Where's the turkey and ham??!' Ma's sister MA's shadow Aunt Mary pipes up 'You should have asked for that stuff Roy'. Jesus was I talking to the wall or what! We had agreed to do it right this year. 'Do you think Jimmy Floyd Hasselbank is eating bangers and f**king mash tonight!' 'You're a crap host , a crap mother and you can stick your Christmas dinner up your hole!' 'Well if you don't respect me I don't want you under my roof!' And with that I got up and left. Merry f**king Christmas. Edited by Trap junior - 03 Jan 2022 at 1:57pm |
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Trap junior
Robbie Keane YBIG Minister of Doom & Gloom Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Irish Riviera Status: Offline Points: 39840 |
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Many happy returns!
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Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more...
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Het-field
Roy Keane By Appointment to His Majesty The King Joined: 08 Mar 2016 Status: Offline Points: 10656 |
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Happy Christmas, TJ!
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Mr. Snrub
Liam Brady Joined: 12 Mar 2016 Location: Co. Dublin Status: Offline Points: 2074 |
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"Here's Robbie Keane...... yeeeessss! That is no more than Ireland deserve!"
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greenshoots
Kevin Kilbane Joined: 08 Jun 2021 Location: Limerick Status: Offline Points: 450 |
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very good!
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Claret Murph
Paul McGrath Hmmm, Goodness, I must say Joined: 16 Apr 2009 Location: Tibet Status: Offline Points: 15748 |
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Good one TJ
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Lansdowne Road debut aged 52 and 201 days .
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Artie Ziff
Ray Houghton Joined: 10 Oct 2007 Status: Offline Points: 3619 |
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It would damage this forums' reputation
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Trap junior
Robbie Keane YBIG Minister of Doom & Gloom Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Irish Riviera Status: Offline Points: 39840 |
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Christmas. I sometimes ask myself 'what's it all about?' Its a load of nonsense. People enjoying themselves? Do me a favour. People getting excited! Believing in Santa Claus. Wearing matching pyjamas! Get excited if you win the lotto! People seem to think I am this sort of loner who sits in his house miserable all the time. Its all lies. Listen. I'm not a total scrooge. I do enjoy the odd Christmas movie. Home Alone. It's one of them movies you just have to watch isn't it? If it's on I'll give it a watch with a cup of tea and a bit of chocolate. That Kevin lad annoys me though. Imagine missing your flight! Fail to prepare, prepare to fail. I might have a thought 'Go easy on him Roy. Small child of 8 being left at home at Christmas. Not his fault.' Then I would think 'no'. 'He acted the maggot the night before, got sent to the attic. Spoilt little brat. He got what he deserved. Then there's Harry and Marv. More like Harry Maguire! Totally incompetent! They are supposed to be professional burglars! That's their job! Can't even break into a near empty house occupied by a little brat. I tell you, if I was the other burglar I'd be swinging punches at that Harry. I always feel a little sad when his mother turns up at the end. He gets away with murder! And of course he gets all the praise from the family after. Do me a favour. If I was his dad I'd kick him out of the bloody house! Theresa tells me to stop yelling abuse at the tv. What do you want me to do? Not get angry? Not challenge him? They're all a bloody disgrace! Theresa says its only a film and to calm down. What the f**k would she know. Edited by Trap junior - 23 Dec 2021 at 1:10am |
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Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more...
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Artie Ziff
Ray Houghton Joined: 10 Oct 2007 Status: Offline Points: 3619 |
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It would damage this forums' reputation
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McG
Moderator Group SISAO? What the hell is SISAO? Joined: 27 Jan 2008 Location: Christmas Island Status: Offline Points: 27001 |
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I have learnt from my past failures and decide I need a top coach with lots of experience and big stature who the players will instantly respect so have decided to bring in Tony Loughlin and Phil Starbuck.
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YBIG Table Quiz winner 2016 & 2017
AS YOU WERE McGx |
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whitesideOnside
Liam Brady Joined: 24 Mar 2009 Location: Ireland Status: Offline Points: 1202 |
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McG
Moderator Group SISAO? What the hell is SISAO? Joined: 27 Jan 2008 Location: Christmas Island Status: Offline Points: 27001 |
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YBIG Table Quiz winner 2016 & 2017
AS YOU WERE McGx |
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ConorMac77
Ray Houghton Joined: 22 Apr 2015 Location: Newry Status: Offline Points: 3691 |
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Brilliant
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The nation holds it's breath...YES, WE'RE THERE!!!
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Claret Murph
Paul McGrath Hmmm, Goodness, I must say Joined: 16 Apr 2009 Location: Tibet Status: Offline Points: 15748 |
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Top notch TJ
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Lansdowne Road debut aged 52 and 201 days .
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