Understanding politics and the economy |
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AidoM
Ray Houghton Real life Fr Austin Purcell Joined: 22 Apr 2009 Location: M50 Status: Offline Points: 3590 |
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Posted: 01 Dec 2011 at 5:19am |
COMMUNISM
You have two cows. The state takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM You have two cows. The state takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM You have two cows. The state takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM You have two cows. The state takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot and block the roads, because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called "Cowkimon" and market it worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a democracy. AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go to the pub for a few beers to celebrate. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. A GREEK CORPORATION You have two cows. You borrow against the cows from the Germans. You kill the cows and make souvlaki. You can't pay the interest, so the Germans lend you more money. You can't pay the interest, so the French lend you more money. You can't pay the interest, so the Italians lend you more money. You can't pay the interest, so the Spaniards lend you more money. You can't pay the interest, so your people hold a general strike. You can't pay the interest, so the EU bails you out. You drink more ouzo. |
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But what they do have and no-one can deny this now, they have the finest collection of boilers in the world! And I include Canada in that!
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Del-Piero
Jack Charlton Joined: 19 Oct 2011 Location: Galway, Ireland Status: Offline Points: 7074 |
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fantastic!
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packiesglove
Jack Charlton Joined: 25 Jul 2007 Location: piccadilly Status: Offline Points: 5650 |
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When you're chewing on life's gristle, don't worry give a whistle....
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RogerMilla
Moderator Group #TEAMJAVIER #ENGANCHE Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Location: Delaney Park Status: Offline Points: 34858 |
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IRISH CAPITALISM
You have two cows , the government tells you the price of cattle will rise for ever.
you travel round the world buying loads of cows , some of these cows are inferior cows.
the government doesnt tax you so you have loads more money to spend on cows.
the price of cattle goes through the roof , you are the king of all cow traders, the government says this will go on forever.
cattle prices fall. some cows get sick , you lose most of your money , the new government you voted in now decides to tax you even more than it did during the boom.
you now have one cow , you owe the bank 5 cows and the government wants a half a cow as well.
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The first time the Devil made me do it. The second time I did it on my own.
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Steve Amsterdam
Jack Charlton I love buses Joined: 06 Jan 2009 Location: Amsterdam Status: Offline Points: 7381 |
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You made that Irish one yourself Rog? Like it!
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Molly Malone's pub- The home of YBIG in Amsterdam!
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RogerMilla
Moderator Group #TEAMJAVIER #ENGANCHE Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Location: Delaney Park Status: Offline Points: 34858 |
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The first time the Devil made me do it. The second time I did it on my own.
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t_rAndy
Robbie Keane Joined: 06 Feb 2008 Location: Ireland Status: Offline Points: 26255 |
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Some good ones there. Particularly the Indian one
Edited by t_rAndy - 02 Dec 2011 at 7:37am |
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samscafe
Liam Brady Joined: 01 Nov 2009 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 1295 |
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The Greeks have got it right
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Certain mods are complete wankstains
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