Signs you are getting old

Reflux ?

Sleep on your left side. Not sure you'll remember that after a feed of pints though. The left side helps clear up the acid build up better 

Went to wash the car last night and fancied a sneaky McDonalds drive thru afterwards - been sick the past week just getting the appetite back and a few calories to make up. 

Asked for a garlic chicken wrap and a medium vanilla milkshake, up pops on the screen a chicken and bacon wrap, nothing else. I said to the girl no it was a garlic wrap, she says OK. The screen doesn't change but I assume she's corrected it manually at her end. Drive on round, young fella opens the window and says so was yours just the chicken and bacon wrap. I said no it was a garlic chicken wrap and a medium milkshake. Pauses for a while then says we are going to have to just make that a wrap as the milkshake machine isn't working, no problem says I. 

Drive on round and get my wrap, drive off and open it and its a chilli chicken wrap. 

Dying of thirst, warm night and didn't get my milkshake so drove to KFC across the road, ask for a pepsi with ice. 

Drive on round to the window, young fella asks me - sorry did you say with ice or without ice, i clarify "with ice". 

Get my drink, drive off, put a straw in and drink it. No f**king ice. 

This country. 

What a rookie.

And when something doesn’t have subtitles as an option it’s not worth watching 

I’m trying to watch Godfather III and can’t hear a word they’re saying.