joke
Printed From: You Boys in Green
Category: Other Forums
Forum Name: Whatever!
Forum Description: Anything else going on
URL: https://forum.ybig.ie/forum_posts.asp?TID=2797
Printed Date: 25 Apr 2024 at 2:10am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.00 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: joke
Posted By: The Count
Subject: joke
Date Posted: 26 Jun 2008 at 10:03am
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A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf
course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, 'Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix.' The wife teed up and shacked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, 'I told you to watch out for the houses. Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost.' They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, 'Come on in.' They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, 'Are you the people that broke my window?' 'Uh, yeah. Sorry about that.' the husband replied. 'No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes-I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself.' 'OK, great!' the husband said. ' I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.' 'No problem-it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?' the genie said, looking at the wife. 'I want a house in every country of the world,' she said. 'Consider it done.' the genie replied. 'And what's your wish, genie?', the husband said. 'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife.' The husband looks at the wife and said, 'Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care.' The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, 'How old is your husband, anyway?' '35.' she replied. 'And he still believes in genies?....That's amazing ------------- 
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Replies:
Posted By: tirchonaill
Date Posted: 26 Jun 2008 at 10:20am
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One day a hippy gets on a bus full of nuns. He looks around and sees one that is looking particularily good. He got all excited and went up to the nun and said "I want to **** you." "No!" Replied the nun I am a woman of the lord I will never sleep with you The hippy was really depressed, but on his way off the bus the bus driver told him that the nun goes to the church to pray everynight at midnight. All he had to do was get a God mask and tell her to screw him. At exactly midnight the hippy spotted the nun go into the church, he put on his mask, approached the nun and said, "I am God **** me." The nun then replied " Ok God, but only up the bum though." The hippy agreed and they were at it for ages. When they were done the hippy took off his mask and shouted "Ha, Ha I'm the hippy!" The nun then took off her mask and said "Ha, ha, I'm the bus driver." |
Posted By: The Count
Date Posted: 26 Jun 2008 at 10:26am
haha great stuff tirchoanill! 
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Posted By: RogerMilla
Date Posted: 26 Jun 2008 at 10:42am
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brilliant TC ------------- The first time the Devil made me do it. The second time I did it on my own. |
Posted By: McG
Date Posted: 26 Jun 2008 at 11:17am
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Quality jokes lads! ------------- YBIG Table Quiz winner 2016 & 2017 AS YOU WERE McGx |
Posted By: tirchonaill
Date Posted: 26 Jun 2008 at 4:56pm
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its the honeymoon of an english guy and his beautiful thai bride. after a real long sex session, she lies there stroking his cock. he says to her "you really like my cock don't you" she replies "no i am just missing mine". |
Posted By: Donal Cullen
Date Posted: 26 Jun 2008 at 11:42pm
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Stephen Ireland and John Terry were walking along a country road when they saw a sheep with his head stuck in a fence. Quick as a flash, Terry pulls down his trousers and has at the poor sheep stuck in the fence. After he had his evil way with the poor animal he turns to Stephen Ireland and says "Now its your turn!" So Stephen pulls down his strides and sticks his head in the fence....
------------- There are friendlier places to drink. |
Posted By: tirchonaill
Date Posted: 27 Jun 2008 at 4:56pm
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THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. 'If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds'. Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. 'How long will this take?' I asked. 'They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies. I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?' Without missing a beat he says, 'Worked for your arse, didn't it? |
Posted By: FREEWHEELER
Date Posted: 01 Jul 2008 at 8:07am
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Newly wed couple, virgins, arrive at the hotel for their honeymoon.
They're extremely nervous and the receptionist asks the new bride, "Have you reservations?"
The bride shifts uncomfortably but eventually answers........"Erm, yes, I won't take it up the arse........." ------------- We'll never die, we'll never die, we'll keep the Green Flag flying high......Shamrock Rovers will never die, we'll keep the Green Flag Flying high. 19 Leagues and 25 Cups..... |
Posted By: tirchonaill
Date Posted: 02 Jul 2008 at 5:43am
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How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be open when she brings it. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is a Launderette a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. ------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..." ------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. ------------------------------------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. ------------------------------------------------------------------- What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told. ------------------------------------------------------------------- I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do men die before their wives? They want to. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Women will never be equal to men until they can >walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. ------------------------------------------------------------------- In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. |