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Crap Joke of the Day

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Topic: Crap Joke of the Day
Posted By: Metal Paul
Subject: Crap Joke of the Day
Date Posted: 06 Oct 2010 at 2:24pm
A blonde gets a job as a teacher. One day she notices a boy in a field standing alone whilst all the other kids were running around having fun.
She took pity on him and asked " you ok ??"..... " Yes" he replies... "You can go and play with the other kids you know"...... "its better if I stay here", he insisted.... "but why ??" asked the blonde.....
"Because I'm the feckin goalkeeper Miss"!!


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"There are no chicks with dicks Johnny, just guys with tits."



Replies:
Posted By: Conor Messi
Date Posted: 06 Oct 2010 at 2:27pm
TAXI!


Posted By: GoneToShowgies
Date Posted: 06 Oct 2010 at 2:42pm
Hang your head


Posted By: eire32
Date Posted: 06 Oct 2010 at 2:44pm
That worst than my portlaoise joke!!!!


Posted By: WindBag
Date Posted: 06 Oct 2010 at 3:05pm
Clap


Posted By: AntrimMan
Date Posted: 06 Oct 2010 at 4:04pm
I liked it!

And Eire...No. No it wasn't!


Posted By: The Lurker
Date Posted: 06 Oct 2010 at 4:38pm
The missus just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline.

She hit the roof.


Posted By: Trapped
Date Posted: 06 Oct 2010 at 5:18pm
Paul 4/10

Edit Lurker that's up to 8/10 in light of the general standards here


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67% points to games ratio at the last Euro's (better than Portugal's)


Posted By: BigPodge
Date Posted: 06 Oct 2010 at 5:31pm
Originally posted by The Lurker The Lurker wrote:

The missus just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline.She hit the roof.


Love it!!

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Posted By: BigPodge
Date Posted: 06 Oct 2010 at 5:33pm
Originally posted by Metal Paul Metal Paul wrote:

A blonde gets a job as a teacher. One day she notices a boy in a field standing alone whilst all the other kids were running around having fun.
She took pity on him and asked " you ok ??"..... " Yes" he replies... "You can go and play with the other kids you know"...... "its better if I stay here", he insisted.... "but why ??" asked the blonde.....
"Because I'm the feckin goalkeeper Miss"!!


Meh

Not the worst but the standards on this site are very very low!!

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Posted By: Daz
Date Posted: 06 Oct 2010 at 5:35pm
Originally posted by The Lurker The Lurker wrote:

The missus just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline.She hit the roof.



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YBIG - Where everyone is a fooking expert :)


Posted By: eire32
Date Posted: 06 Oct 2010 at 6:00pm
Originally posted by The Lurker The Lurker wrote:

The missus just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline.

She hit the roof.
 
Take a Bow sonClap


Posted By: Cookie Monster
Date Posted: 06 Oct 2010 at 11:53pm
A cavan man's wife dies and he wants to put her death notice in the local paper. He rings up the paper and asks how much it is per word.

The girl replies "50 cent per word"

cavan man tearfully says "I've only got 2 euro so can I just say "Mary O'Reilly is dead"

the Girl feels sorry for him and says, "actually I can give you a 2 for the price of one offer on this so you can put in 4 more words for the 2 euro"

Cavan man thinks for a few seconds and then says "ok, "Mary O'Reilly is dead. Ford Fiesta for sale"


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I used to be a schizophrenic.......and so was I


Posted By: GREEN GIANT
Date Posted: 07 Oct 2010 at 4:31pm
Originally posted by Cookie Monster Cookie Monster wrote:

A cavan man's wife dies and he wants to put her death notice in the local paper. He rings up the paper and asks how much it is per word.

The girl replies "50 cent per word"

cavan man tearfully says "I've only got 2 euro so can I just say "Mary O'Reilly is dead"

the Girl feels sorry for him and says, "actually I can give you a 2 for the price of one offer on this so you can put in 4 more words for the 2 euro"

Cavan man thinks for a few seconds and then says "ok, "Mary O'Reilly is dead. Ford Fiesta for sale"


LOL LOL Thumbs%20Up Classic Cookie
Clap

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Oh, so they have internet on computers now!


Posted By: forzacity
Date Posted: 07 Oct 2010 at 4:50pm
Cookies One - 7/10
Pauls One - You should be ashamed

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Cork City FC - Our City, Our ClubAGAINST MODERN FOOTBALL!!! http://ramblersforum.forums-free.com - http://ramblersforum.forums-free.com/


Posted By: Steve Amsterdam
Date Posted: 08 Oct 2010 at 3:56am
 Brilliant one Cookie!

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Molly Malone's pub- The home of YBIG in Amsterdam!


Posted By: The Lurker
Date Posted: 08 Oct 2010 at 4:55am
I recently suggested to my wife that she try masturbating with fruit.

She went f**king bananas.


Posted By: forzacity
Date Posted: 08 Oct 2010 at 10:54am
Originally posted by The Lurker The Lurker wrote:

I recently suggested to my wife that she try masturbating with fruit.She went f**king bananas.
Your a disgrace to your country!

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Cork City FC - Our City, Our ClubAGAINST MODERN FOOTBALL!!! http://ramblersforum.forums-free.com - http://ramblersforum.forums-free.com/


Posted By: OnionBag
Date Posted: 08 Oct 2010 at 11:38am
Originally posted by The Lurker The Lurker wrote:

I recently suggested to my wife that she try masturbating with fruit.

She went f**king bananas.
 
LOL
ClapClap


Posted By: BigPodge
Date Posted: 09 Oct 2010 at 5:04am
Originally posted by The Lurker The Lurker wrote:

I recently suggested to my wife that she try masturbating with fruit.She went f**king bananas.





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Posted By: ScruffyR
Date Posted: 09 Oct 2010 at 5:09am
Originally posted by The Lurker The Lurker wrote:

I recently suggested to my wife that she try masturbating with fruit.

She went f**king bananas.
 
Ahahahahahahahaha i'll definetly be using that today Big%20smileLOLLOLLOL


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"Football isn't a matter of life or death, it's much more important than that."


Posted By: lassassinblanc
Date Posted: 26 Oct 2017 at 7:41pm

I’ve developed a taste for fabric conditioner.

My doctor says I’m fine, I’ve just been comfort eating.



Posted By: SuperDave84
Date Posted: 26 Oct 2017 at 8:00pm
Why did the psychic have no trouble finding clothes that fit?

Because she was a medium.


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Posted By: Sligo Hornet
Date Posted: 26 Oct 2017 at 8:05pm
Originally posted by SuperDave84 SuperDave84 wrote:

Why did the psychic have no trouble finding clothes that fit?

Because she was a medium.


Medium sized clothing is regularly the size that sells out quickly in shops , making it actually more difficult for your psychic to find clothes that fit


Posted By: Steve Amsterdam
Date Posted: 26 Oct 2017 at 8:36pm
All the old threads making a comeback!

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Molly Malone's pub- The home of YBIG in Amsterdam!


Posted By: ShamtheRam
Date Posted: 26 Oct 2017 at 8:50pm
Paddy's out the back garden and he sees the next door neighbour throwing seeds all over the garden.

"Jaysis Mick, what are you at now?"

"Well Paddy, just throwing out some elephant repellant"

"There's no elephants around here Mick!"

"I know Paddy. Super stuff isn't it!"

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YBIG NPF founder and CEO


Posted By: reddladd
Date Posted: 26 Oct 2017 at 9:04pm
I've killed a few black widows. That's why they wouldn't let me in to Nelson Mandela's funeral.

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I could agree with you but then we'd both be wrong.


Posted By: stokeirish
Date Posted: 26 Oct 2017 at 9:17pm
2 parrots sat on a perch. One says to the other, can you smell fish


Posted By: TonyNotJack
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 12:09am
I took a vegetable to the library last week.


That was a turnip for the books.


Posted By: ShamtheRam
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 9:00am
Two sausages in the pan. One turns to the other and says 'phew it's bloody hot in here'... The other one goes 'jesus Christ a talking sausage'

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YBIG NPF founder and CEO


Posted By: Bob Hoskins
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 2:08pm
Some cracking jokes in here. None of which are from Shamtheram I might add

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Romario 2016: And the ticket mafia gets caught! Well, four years ago I had already told the government.


Posted By: SuperDave84
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 2:16pm
Cavan man joke

Jimmy and Paddy are sitting in the pub having a pint. Jimmy turns to Paddy and says "I'm in an awful state Paddy. The wife's after turfing me out of the house."

Paddy: "Ah that's awful altogether, Jimmy"

Jimmy: "And sure I don't even have anywhere to live. I've been sleeping in the park."

Paddy: "Ah that's shocking Jimmy, sure you know if I had two houses, I'd give you one."

Jimmy: "Ah I know, I know. It's not even that. Sure if I had the car, I could sleep in the car and get around and that. But sure hasn't she kept the car as well"

Paddy: "Ah that's awful Jimmy, sure you know if I had two cars, I'd give you one."

Jimmy: "Ah I know, but it's not even that. I wouldn't even need a car, sure if only she hadn't taken the pushbike"...

Paddy: "You know I have two bikes, you bastard!"


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Posted By: Roberto Baggio
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 2:18pm
So why doesn't Paddy just give Jimmy the other bike then?
 
 


Posted By: Trap junior
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 2:21pm
Martin O'Neill walks into a crowded pub. Orders a whiskey and due to his luck a seat becomes vacant at the bar and sits down.  After a few mins a man order a pint through the 3 deep crowd.  The barman takes his money and puts the pint down on the bar.  The man taps MON on the shoulder and says ''could you pass me that pint?''  ''Pass it? I don't do passing'' says MON.  So he tells yer man to go down to the end of the pub near the wall and he boots the pint 30 yds through the air to him.  The pint glass spins in the air but due to centripetal force it lands in yer mans hand without spilling a drop.

True story.


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Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more...

97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC)


Posted By: rolo
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 2:45pm
Originally posted by Roberto Baggio Roberto Baggio wrote:


So why doesn't Paddy just give Jimmy the other bike then?
 
 


Hahaha was thinking the same thing.



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"I'm off to see the Queen tomorrow too, don't forget that"


Posted By: Baldrick
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 2:51pm
thick thread lads

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AKA pedantic kunt


Posted By: GB 1HughJarse
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 2:56pm
Originally posted by Trap junior Trap junior wrote:

Martin O'Neill walks into a crowded pub. Orders a whiskey and due to his luck a seat becomes vacant at the bar and sits down.  After a few mins a man order a pint through the 3 deep crowd.  The barman takes his money and puts the pint down on the bar.  The man taps MON on the shoulder and says ''could you pass me that pint?''  ''Pass it? I don't do passing'' says MON.  So he tells yer man to go down to the end of the pub near the wall and he boots the pint 30 yds through the air to him.  The pint glass spins in the air but due to centripetal force it lands in yer mans hand without spilling a drop.

True story.


(I like MON, and want him to stay as manager, still a good joke)


Posted By: rolo
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 3:04pm
Trapattoni walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink. The bar man says "I tell you what, make me laugh and I'll give you this drink for free". Trapattoni
starts rabitting on in Italian. Manuela, his personal assistant, personal translator, and very own personal shadow, translates: "martin o'neill walks into a pub and orders a whiskey" - "heard that one earlier says the bar man. "Have to do better than that".

Trap sets off again, rapid Italian and hand gestures and gesticulation. Manuela translates: "football is football. Football no a show. You want show go to la scala. You want football watch my team". Someone quips from across the bar "anyone know where I can get tickets to la scala lads?" Cue a lot of laughter. Barman tells them to hush. "Useless" he says.

Exasperated, and deperate for a free drink, Trap tries again.
Manuela translates: "when I was Irish mananger I didnt care about the 2 million a year, i took the job for the love of the game and I worked really hard". The bar man bursts out laughing, is hunched over as if gripped by a hysteria, the rest of the customers are in absolute stitches, eventually the bar man manages to compose himself and says "jaysis, havent laughed like that in years. Free drinks for the night on me"

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"I'm off to see the Queen tomorrow too, don't forget that"


Posted By: Denis Irwin
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 3:08pm


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Eamonn Dunphy:"I'll tell you who wrote it, Rod Liddle, he's the guy who ran away and left his wife for a young one".

Bill O'Herlihy: Ah ye can't be saying that now Eamonn


Posted By: McG
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 3:12pm
Originally posted by Trap junior Trap junior wrote:

Martin O'Neill walks into a crowded pub. Orders a whiskey and due to his luck a seat becomes vacant at the bar and sits down.  After a few mins a man order a pint through the 3 deep crowd.  The barman takes his money and puts the pint down on the bar.  The man taps MON on the shoulder and says ''could you pass me that pint?''  ''Pass it? I don't do passing'' says MON.  So he tells yer man to go down to the end of the pub near the wall and he boots the pint 30 yds through the air to him.  The pint glass spins in the air but due to centripetal force it lands in yer mans hand without spilling a drop.

True story.

LOL


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YBIG Table Quiz winner 2016 & 2017
AS YOU WERE McGx



Posted By: Bob Hoskins
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 3:20pm
Trap Jnr joke > Rolo joke

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Romario 2016: And the ticket mafia gets caught! Well, four years ago I had already told the government.


Posted By: horsebox
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 3:33pm
Originally posted by Bob Hoskins Bob Hoskins wrote:

Trap Jnr joke > Rolo joke


+1

Rolo's attempt comes across as a childish little rant.

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It was far across the sea,
When the devil got a hold of me,
He wouldn't set me free,
So he kept me soul for ransom.
na na na na na na na na na
na na na na na na na na.
I'm a sailor man from Glasgow to


Posted By: MC Hammered
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 3:48pm
I liked both efforts 

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El Puto Amo


Posted By: Steve Amsterdam
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 4:30pm
Good effort by both yeah! LOL

-------------
Molly Malone's pub- The home of YBIG in Amsterdam!


Posted By: SuperDave84
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 4:35pm
Originally posted by rolo rolo wrote:

Originally posted by Roberto Baggio Roberto Baggio wrote:


So why doesn't Paddy just give Jimmy the other bike then?
 
 


Hahaha was thinking the same thing.



Ah here lads, that's the f**king joke!


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Posted By: rossieman
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 4:54pm
Originally posted by SuperDave84 SuperDave84 wrote:

Originally posted by rolo rolo wrote:

Originally posted by Roberto Baggio Roberto Baggio wrote:


So why doesn't Paddy just give Jimmy the other bike then?
 
 


Hahaha was thinking the same thing.



Ah here lads, that's the f**king joke!

LOLLOL


Posted By: reddladd
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 5:06pm
Threw a boomerang at a ghost the other day. Knew it would come back to haunt me.


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I could agree with you but then we'd both be wrong.


Posted By: ShamtheRam
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 5:09pm
Originally posted by Bob Hoskins Bob Hoskins wrote:

Some cracking jokes in here. None of which are from Shamtheram I might add

Well this is the crap joke thread...

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YBIG NPF founder and CEO


Posted By: rolo
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 5:51pm
Originally posted by ShamtheRam ShamtheRam wrote:

Originally posted by Bob Hoskins Bob Hoskins wrote:

Some cracking jokes in here. None of which are from Shamtheram I might add

Well this is the crap joke thread...

I thought your joke about the talking sausage was good.


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"I'm off to see the Queen tomorrow too, don't forget that"


Posted By: rolo
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 5:51pm
Originally posted by SuperDave84 SuperDave84 wrote:

Originally posted by rolo rolo wrote:

Originally posted by Roberto Baggio Roberto Baggio wrote:


So why doesn't Paddy just give Jimmy the other bike then?
 
 


Hahaha was thinking the same thing.



Ah here lads, that's the f**king joke!

haha oh dear. I get it now. Embarrassed


-------------
"I'm off to see the Queen tomorrow too, don't forget that"


Posted By: drog addict
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 6:44pm
Guy pulls a moth when out on the piss one night. Bales back to hers and gives her a shot. Wakes up the next morning and pulls open the curtains and realises he in a halting site. He turns to yer one and says "i thought you were a nurse". "No" she says, "i told you i am a Ward sister".


Posted By: Denis Irwin
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 6:53pm


-------------
Eamonn Dunphy:"I'll tell you who wrote it, Rod Liddle, he's the guy who ran away and left his wife for a young one".

Bill O'Herlihy: Ah ye can't be saying that now Eamonn


Posted By: Bob Hoskins
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 8:39pm
Originally posted by rossieman rossieman wrote:

Originally posted by SuperDave84 SuperDave84 wrote:

Originally posted by rolo rolo wrote:

Originally posted by Roberto Baggio Roberto Baggio wrote:


So why doesn't Paddy just give Jimmy the other bike then?
 
 


Hahaha was thinking the same thing.



Ah here lads, that's the f**king joke!

LOLLOL

I wasn't sure if they were taking the piss...maybe notEmbarrassed


-------------
Romario 2016: And the ticket mafia gets caught! Well, four years ago I had already told the government.


Posted By: Bob Hoskins
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 8:40pm
Originally posted by ShamtheRam ShamtheRam wrote:

Originally posted by Bob Hoskins Bob Hoskins wrote:

Some cracking jokes in here. None of which are from Shamtheram I might add

Well this is the crap joke thread...

LOL true that


-------------
Romario 2016: And the ticket mafia gets caught! Well, four years ago I had already told the government.


Posted By: stokeirish
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 8:58pm
How many professional wrestlers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just the one, but it will take him really long to climb the ladder


Posted By: Bob Hoskins
Date Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 10:26pm
Originally posted by stokeirish stokeirish wrote:

How many professional wrestlers does it take to change a light bulb?


Just the one cause the rest are all dead


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Romario 2016: And the ticket mafia gets caught! Well, four years ago I had already told the government.


Posted By: stokeirish
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2017 at 2:35am
Originally posted by Bob Hoskins Bob Hoskins wrote:

Originally posted by stokeirish stokeirish wrote:

How many professional wrestlers does it take to change a light bulb?



Just the one cause the rest are all dead




Posted By: barcabhoy
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2017 at 8:20am
What's red and invisible?

No tomatoes

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For these games, you must keep a cold heart no, a warm heart and a cold mind no, head! So you must have a warm heart and (pause)a cold head.


Posted By: Colum
Date Posted: 28 Oct 2017 at 9:43am
A Russian athlete goes to her doctor and says "I've been taking steroids for so long that I've grown a penis"

Doctor asks her "Anabolic?"

"No", she replies..."just a mickey"


Posted By: GB 1HughJarse
Date Posted: 30 Oct 2017 at 8:31am
Lewis Hamilton wasn’t the only F1 driver with a Scottish town in his name.

Stirling Moss
Johnny Dumfries
Eddie Irvine
And of course.......Ayr Town Centre


Posted By: Fanny MaGee
Date Posted: 03 Nov 2017 at 5:02pm
What do you call a judge with no testicles?

Justice Mickey.

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Ask MaGee


Posted By: Trap junior
Date Posted: 03 Nov 2017 at 5:05pm
Originally posted by Fanny MaGee Fanny MaGee wrote:

What do you call a judge with no testicles?

Justice Mickey.


I would have thought most judges in this country have no balls


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Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more...

97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC)


Posted By: DUBLIN DOC
Date Posted: 08 Aug 2018 at 10:56am
A bloke wanders into the head park wardens office in the Phoenix park looking for a job, the warden says “well what can you do”  and yer man replies “everything boss” right says the warden come with me, so he walks out to a big open space with a huge oak tree in the middle of it and says to yer man “if you can tell me which is the front and which is the back of the tree I will give you a job” so off yer man goes walking around this huge oak tree and after a bit gets back to where your man is standing and points to the tree and says” that’s the front of the tree there boss” the ranger goes “ how do you work that one out so “ yer man replies “because me mother is around the back of it having a sh*te”

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When all is said and done there is nothing left to say or do


Posted By: Shedite
Date Posted: 08 Aug 2018 at 11:12am
Originally posted by DUBLIN DOC DUBLIN DOC wrote:

A bloke wanders into the head park wardens office in the Phoenix park looking for a job, the warden says “well what can you do”  and yer man replies “everything boss” right says the warden come with me, so he walks out to a big open space with a huge oak tree in the middle of it and says to yer man “if you can tell me which is the front and which is the back of the tree I will give you a job” so off yer man goes walking around this huge oak tree and after a bit gets back to where your man is standing and points to the tree and says” that’s the front of the tree there boss” the ranger goes “ how do you work that one out so “ yer man replies “because me mother is around the back of it having a sh*te”
Did you dream that up yourself?

None of it makes sense. There's no punchline, and the bit about "I can do everything" is unnecessary.

Did someone tell you that or did you just decide to try to invent a joke on a Wednesday morning?


Posted By: nvidic
Date Posted: 08 Aug 2018 at 11:13am
Originally posted by Shedite Shedite wrote:

Originally posted by DUBLIN DOC DUBLIN DOC wrote:

A bloke wanders into the head park wardens office in the Phoenix park looking for a job, the warden says “well what can you do”  and yer man replies “everything boss” right says the warden come with me, so he walks out to a big open space with a huge oak tree in the middle of it and says to yer man “if you can tell me which is the front and which is the back of the tree I will give you a job” so off yer man goes walking around this huge oak tree and after a bit gets back to where your man is standing and points to the tree and says” that’s the front of the tree there boss” the ranger goes “ how do you work that one out so “ yer man replies “because me mother is around the back of it having a sh*te”
Did you dream that up yourself?

None of it makes sense. There's no punchline, and the bit about "I can do everything" is unnecessary.

Did someone tell you that or did you just decide to try to invent a joke on a Wednesday morning?

It is the crap joke thread though..


Posted By: Roberto Baggio
Date Posted: 08 Aug 2018 at 11:14am
Maybe it was the quare wan round behind the tree.


Posted By: nvidic
Date Posted: 08 Aug 2018 at 11:18am
We caught a brother and sister shifting away in the lift in work yesterday.

It was wrong on so many levels.


Posted By: Gary McKay
Date Posted: 08 Aug 2018 at 11:24am
Originally posted by nvidic nvidic wrote:

We caught a brother and sister shifting away in the lift in work yesterday.
 
It was wrong on so many levels.
Bloke phoned in sick to work.
Boss says "how sick are you ?"
Bloke says "Im in bed with me sister".
 


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"Smalling and Jones.... have the potential to be the PL’s best ever pairing in my opinion." - SlurAlex


Posted By: DUBLIN DOC
Date Posted: 08 Aug 2018 at 12:00pm
Originally posted by Roberto Baggio Roberto Baggio wrote:

Maybe it was the quare wan round behind the tree.
Well if anyone was caught with their kacks down around their ankles, I will refer you to the what I learned today thread ya bleeding gobshoite LOL

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When all is said and done there is nothing left to say or do


Posted By: DUBLIN DOC
Date Posted: 08 Aug 2018 at 12:01pm
Originally posted by Gary McKay Gary McKay wrote:

Originally posted by nvidic nvidic wrote:

We caught a brother and sister shifting away in the lift in work yesterday.
 
It was wrong on so many levels.
Bloke phoned in sick to work.
Boss says "how sick are you ?"
Bloke says "Im in bed with me sister".
 
LOLClap

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When all is said and done there is nothing left to say or do


Posted By: DUBLIN DOC
Date Posted: 08 Aug 2018 at 12:03pm
Originally posted by Shedite Shedite wrote:

Originally posted by DUBLIN DOC DUBLIN DOC wrote:

A bloke wanders into the head park wardens office in the Phoenix park looking for a job, the warden says “well what can you do”  and yer man replies “everything boss” right says the warden come with me, so he walks out to a big open space with a huge oak tree in the middle of it and says to yer man “if you can tell me which is the front and which is the back of the tree I will give you a job” so off yer man goes walking around this huge oak tree and after a bit gets back to where your man is standing and points to the tree and says” that’s the front of the tree there boss” the ranger goes “ how do you work that one out so “ yer man replies “because me mother is around the back of it having a sh*te”
Did you dream that up yourself?

None of it makes sense. There's no punchline, and the bit about "I can do everything" is unnecessary.

Did someone tell you that or did you just decide to try to invent a joke on a Wednesday morning?
Seems you have problems reading thread titles  shoite me oul mucker

-------------
When all is said and done there is nothing left to say or do


Posted By: GB 1HughJarse
Date Posted: 08 Aug 2018 at 12:20pm
Originally posted by Shedite Shedite wrote:

Originally posted by DUBLIN DOC DUBLIN DOC wrote:

A bloke wanders into the head park wardens office in the Phoenix park looking for a job, the warden says “well what can you do”  and yer man replies “everything boss” right says the warden come with me, so he walks out to a big open space with a huge oak tree in the middle of it and says to yer man “if you can tell me which is the front and which is the back of the tree I will give you a job” so off yer man goes walking around this huge oak tree and after a bit gets back to where your man is standing and points to the tree and says” that’s the front of the tree there boss” the ranger goes “ how do you work that one out so “ yer man replies “because me mother is around the back of it having a sh*te”
Did you dream that up yourself?

None of it makes sense. There's no punchline, and the bit about "I can do everything" is unnecessary.

Did someone tell you that or did you just decide to try to invent a joke on a Wednesday morning?

Jesus H.......tough crowd


Posted By: Bob Hoskins
Date Posted: 08 Aug 2018 at 1:46pm
Originally posted by DUBLIN DOC DUBLIN DOC wrote:

A bloke wanders into the head park wardens office in the Phoenix park looking for a job, the warden says “well what can you do”  and yer man replies “everything boss” right says the warden come with me, so he walks out to a big open space with a huge oak tree in the middle of it and says to yer man “if you can tell me which is the front and which is the back of the tree I will give you a job” so off yer man goes walking around this huge oak tree and after a bit gets back to where your man is standing and points to the tree and says” that’s the front of the tree there boss” the ranger goes “ how do you work that one out so “ yer man replies “because me mother is around the back of it having a sh*te”

If you'd just written the script from that whattsap sound clip doing the rounds, it would have worked far better, adding in your mother just ruined it.




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Romario 2016: And the ticket mafia gets caught! Well, four years ago I had already told the government.


Posted By: Bob Hoskins
Date Posted: 08 Aug 2018 at 2:27pm
Stop posting up that joke GD




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Romario 2016: And the ticket mafia gets caught! Well, four years ago I had already told the government.


Posted By: jamie2905
Date Posted: 08 Aug 2018 at 2:30pm
Why did the accountant cross the road?

Because he crossed it last year


Posted By: Green Devil
Date Posted: 08 Aug 2018 at 2:33pm
Originally posted by Bob Hoskins Bob Hoskins wrote:

Stop posting up that joke GD



LOL

I was wondering where it was disappearing too!




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"He drives two Ferraris; I think he's a very lucky lad to have 50 caps for Ireland,"

Eamonn Dunphy on Glenn Whelan


Posted By: Roberto Baggio
Date Posted: 16 Aug 2018 at 10:17am
There's a head on collision in Glasgow, the driver of each car gets out to observe the damage, the driver of one car is wearing a Celtic top and the other driver is wearing a Rangers top. Both cars are totally mangled and written off. The Celtic fan says "we were very lucky to walk away from that, makes you think, its time we put all this animosity aside and forgot about the rivalry", goes to the boot of his car and gets out a bottle of scotch and asks if the Rangers fan will join him for a drink. 
"Och I suppose you're right, give us a swig of that bottle" says the rangers fan, drinks half the bottle, hands it back to the Celtic fan and says "go ahead there". The Celtic fan says "no its ok, I think I'll just wait until the police arrive"
 
 


Posted By: lassassinblanc
Date Posted: 16 Aug 2018 at 10:23am
LOL


Posted By: Denis Irwin
Date Posted: 16 Aug 2018 at 10:24am
LOL

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Eamonn Dunphy:"I'll tell you who wrote it, Rod Liddle, he's the guy who ran away and left his wife for a young one".

Bill O'Herlihy: Ah ye can't be saying that now Eamonn


Posted By: lassassinblanc
Date Posted: 20 Aug 2018 at 2:30pm
I've a friend who's addicted to frozen poultry

I've told them many times they need to quit cold turkey


Posted By: drog addict
Date Posted: 20 Aug 2018 at 5:38pm
My friend sadly died after dropping and slipping on some Nescafe coffee granules while making her breakfast. At least it was instant.


Posted By: GB 1HughJarse
Date Posted: 20 Aug 2018 at 10:37pm
What’s the first sign of Madness?

Suggs walking up your driveway.


Posted By: Lenny82
Date Posted: 20 Aug 2018 at 10:45pm
What do you call a mermaid's pubic hair?

Gee-weed!


Posted By: Zinedine Kilbane 110
Date Posted: 30 Aug 2018 at 6:35am
Pope Francis was stopped by a woman in the Pheonix Park over the weekend and she begged him to help with her 19 year old son's hearing. He looked at the young man and walked towards him. He placed both hands over his ears, closed his eyes and said a beautiful prayer. The pope took his hands off the lads ears and smiled "how's your hearing now my son? "
The lad replied " I haven't a f**kin clue, Im not in court til Wednesday”


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Posted By: Bob Hoskins
Date Posted: 30 Aug 2018 at 10:17am
Originally posted by Lenny82 Lenny82 wrote:

What do you call a mermaid's pubic hair?

Gee-weed!

in the past few weeks there have been some sh*te jokes but this is the worst, yet it's the only one I laughed at LOL


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Romario 2016: And the ticket mafia gets caught! Well, four years ago I had already told the government.


Posted By: The White Cafu
Date Posted: 30 Aug 2018 at 1:08pm
How many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a lightbulb? 


You wouldn't know man you weren't there


Posted By: McG
Date Posted: 30 Aug 2018 at 1:36pm
LOL

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YBIG Table Quiz winner 2016 & 2017
AS YOU WERE McGx



Posted By: lassassinblanc
Date Posted: 30 Aug 2018 at 1:37pm
Brought a chuckle

thanks


Posted By: pre Madonna
Date Posted: 30 Aug 2018 at 2:21pm
Originally posted by The White Cafu The White Cafu wrote:

How many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a lightbulb? 


You wouldn't know man you weren't there
To be told around the same time as this:
 
How many German electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
 
"Vun. Ve are trained in such matters."


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Greed has won, big finance has won. Whatever small role elite clubs still play in the local communities from which they grew is dwarfed now by their position as global brands.


Posted By: The White Cafu
Date Posted: 30 Aug 2018 at 2:32pm
Or this, 

Why did so many African-Americans die in Vietnam?

Every time they were told to get down they started dancing.


Posted By: lassassinblanc
Date Posted: 31 Aug 2018 at 10:46am
How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

More then 8 because my basement is still dark


Posted By: Devrozex
Date Posted: 31 Aug 2018 at 10:51am
LOL Good man Lass.


Posted By: Lenny82
Date Posted: 03 Sep 2018 at 10:08pm
My girlfriend's dog died so I bought her an identical one to cheer her up.

She was livid. "What the f**k am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs?"


Posted By: pre Madonna
Date Posted: 04 Sep 2018 at 1:41am
What's the biggest crustacean in London?

King's crustacean.


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Greed has won, big finance has won. Whatever small role elite clubs still play in the local communities from which they grew is dwarfed now by their position as global brands.


Posted By: Trap junior
Date Posted: 04 Sep 2018 at 2:02am
Originally posted by pre Madonna pre Madonna wrote:

What's the biggest crustacean in London?

King's crustacean.


That's not funny you tube! 


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Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more...

97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC)


Posted By: pre Madonna
Date Posted: 04 Sep 2018 at 2:10am
Originally posted by Trap junior Trap junior wrote:

Originally posted by pre Madonna pre Madonna wrote:

What's the biggest crustacean in London?

King's crustacean.


That's not funny you tube! 
Of course not, it wasn't even a video...


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Greed has won, big finance has won. Whatever small role elite clubs still play in the local communities from which they grew is dwarfed now by their position as global brands.


Posted By: HuntysCousin
Date Posted: 04 Sep 2018 at 8:17am
Did you know: towels are the leading cause of dry skin


Posted By: BigPodge
Date Posted: 04 Sep 2018 at 8:50am
Originally posted by Lenny82 Lenny82 wrote:

My girlfriend's dog died so I bought her an identical one to cheer her up.

She was livid. "What the f**k am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs?"

LOLLOLLOL


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Posted By: DUBLIN DOC
Date Posted: 04 Sep 2018 at 4:05pm
Bloke walks into the bedroom where his wife is in bed with a sheep under his arm and says “this is the pig I have to sleep with when you have a headache” to which the wife replies “that’s not a pig it’s a sheep”  i know says the man I was talking to the  bleeding sheep

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When all is said and done there is nothing left to say or do


Posted By: drog addict
Date Posted: 10 Sep 2018 at 9:54am
why are mountains so funny?



















Because they are hill area's 



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