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My Roy Keane Diary: 'A day in the life'

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Charlton's Child Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2018 at 1:21pm
LOLLOLLOL Ha brilliant as always 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ConorMac77 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2018 at 1:43pm
''Do us a favour mate!! We've seen your teams play! You're definitely NOT in the coaching business!  What's your real job!'' .
 
And the cop shop bursts into hysterical laughter.
 
LOLLOLLOL
The nation holds it's breath...YES, WE'RE THERE!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Roberto Baggio Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2018 at 1:52pm
I was literally laughing out loud in bed last night at about 12.30 reading that. Nearly woke the wife up.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bob Hoskins Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2018 at 2:09pm
another classic one LOL
Romario 2016: And the ticket mafia gets caught! Well, four years ago I had already told the government.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mbyrne15 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2018 at 4:06pm
Great read to kill a bit of time in work on a Friday afternoon LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Trap junior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Sep 2018 at 12:23pm
September 25th.  Exhibition match in Pairc Ui Chaoimh Cork.  United v Ireland legends.  First half I will be playing for Ireland.  O'Neill is going to be manager.  Roy Carroll will coming for the match. I wsn't too impressed by his antics at Cliftonville v Linfield.  He refused to shake the taigs hands.  I had arranged a special welcome to the Republic for Roy.
 The United players take to the pitch before us.  They wait for us to come out.  The stadium goes into darkness and silence leaving the United team in confusion as to what is going to happen next.  A spotlight shines as James Brown music starts over the public address as the lights and razzmatazz starts.  Girl dancers take to the pitch wearing balaclavas dancing around in front of Roy Carroll.  Then from a hydraulic stage appears Gerry Adams wearing a tricolour spangled outfit as he bursts into song:


Super highways coast to coast just easy to get anywhere
On the trans continental overload; just slide behind the wheel
How does it feel when there's no destination that's too far
And somewhere on the way you might find out who you are?

Living in The EIRE, eye to eye, station to station
Living in The EIRE, hand to hand across the nation
Living in The EIRE, got to have a celebration!
I live in The EIRE!
I live in The EIRE


As Adams is doing his thing Irish tricolours appear from all the crowd, a plane flies over the stadium spraying a green white and orange smoke lines.  Midgets wearing balaclavas dance in unison wearing IRA outfits holding rifles. The girls playfully and flirtatiously tickle Carroll's face with a tricolour feather.

The song continues:

You may not be looking for the promised land
But you might find it anyway
Under one of those old familiar names, like
New Grange
Derry
Dublin City
Pairc Ui Chaoimh, P.A.
New Grange
Derry
Dublin City
Pairc Ui Chaoimh, P.A.
Newbridge City
Athlone
Kilkenny City
Newbridge City
Atllone
Kilkenny City
Cork and Galway.
Living in The EIRE, eye to eye, station to station
Living in The EIRE, hand to hand across the nation
Living in The EIRE, got to have a celebration!

The music comes to sudden halt with a voracious roar from the crowd

The match starts.  Carroll looks sharp initially easily saving a couple of early shots.  After a few minutes I fire a hard shot from the 18 yard line.  It catches him on the head knocking him out for a moment.  He gets up and recovers to applause from the crowd.  A few minutes later I again have the ball and fire a bullet of a shot at Carroll again striking him flush in the face.  Carroll is down and not moving.  Medics rush onto the field. Gary Neville shouts at me ''what the hell is wrong with you man! This is supposed to be an exhibition! An exhibition!''.   There is pandemonium.  The tv commentator George Hamilton is shocked.  ''what was supposed to be an exhibition has turend out to be a disaster.  Corks Red FM stick a microphone under me to comment.  Roy, Mr. Carrol seems to be in a very serious condition.''
''If he dies, he dies''.



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote McG Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Sep 2018 at 1:29pm
Rocky IV LOL
YBIG Table Quiz winner 2016 & 2017
AS YOU WERE McGx

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote newrynyuk Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Oct 2018 at 11:42am
Anybody here listens to the Top Flight Time Machine podcast?  The concept is each episode Andy Dawson and Sam Delaney look back at a Premier League season.  They also did a look back at the last few World Cups during the summer.  They've recently expanded the series to do previews and reviews of each weekend's action.

But of most interest to readers here is their Keane Odyssey series, a forensic examination of Roy Keane's second autobigraphy.  It was only supposed to be 3 episodes long, but they already done 3 episodes and still haven't covered all they want to discuss so the series will be expanding to many more.  It's a tad pureile, but really funny.  Plenty in it for Keane fans as well as haters.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote longford claret Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Nov 2018 at 10:25pm
Quiet on here. Nothing much must be happening re Roy lately.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Trap junior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Nov 2018 at 10:31pm
Originally posted by longford claret longford claret wrote:

Quiet on here. Nothing much must be happening re Roy lately.


Reality became stranger than fictionLOL

There might be one on the way soon
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Denis Irwin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Nov 2018 at 10:35pm
Originally posted by Trap junior Trap junior wrote:

Originally posted by longford claret longford claret wrote:

Quiet on here. Nothing much must be happening re Roy lately.


Reality became stranger than fictionLOL

There might be one on the way soon


This has to be part of it Clap



Originally posted by Trap junior Trap junior wrote:

Originally posted by forza trapp forza trapp wrote:

Had the honor of sitting beside Keane on a flight from Manchester last Sunday night. He looked like a man who dreaded the week ahead or mabey he always looks like that 🤨
I think his reputation has dived by association with MON, if he had any balls he would walk away.

I can just imagine him staring at you as you ask him to move ao you can go to the toilet. Worse still spilling tea during the flight.



Edited by Denis Irwin - 21 Nov 2018 at 10:35pm
Eamonn Dunphy:"I'll tell you who wrote it, Rod Liddle, he's the guy who ran away and left his wife for a young one".

Bill O'Herlihy: Ah ye can't be saying that now Eamonn
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Trap junior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Nov 2018 at 10:42pm
Originally posted by Denis Irwin Denis Irwin wrote:

Originally posted by Trap junior Trap junior wrote:

Originally posted by longford claret longford claret wrote:

Quiet on here. Nothing much must be happening re Roy lately.


Reality became stranger than fictionLOL

There might be one on the way soon


This has to be part of it Clap



Originally posted by Trap junior Trap junior wrote:

Originally posted by forza trapp forza trapp wrote:

Had the honor of sitting beside Keane on a flight from Manchester last Sunday night. He looked like a man who dreaded the week ahead or mabey he always looks like that 🤨
I think his reputation has dived by association with MON, if he had any balls he would walk away.

I can just imagine him staring at you as you ask him to move ao you can go to the toilet. Worse still spilling tea during the flight.



I will have to embrace my inner John Sullivan to come up with a storyline with lots of plot holes
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Trap junior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Nov 2018 at 11:33pm
November 2018. Last game of the Nations League. I'm flying to Dublin. The FAI have laid on a private jet to whisk me over to Dublin.  Have they fook!  They've booked me on the 06.30am flight out of Manchester with the official airline of the FAI- Ryanair.  Both are always looking for money and both would sell you out to save a few quid. Today fate has handed me seat 12 E.  I usually like an aisle seat and requested one but the FAI haven't stumped up the 8 euro to do so.  They waited until the free random seat check in became available 24 hrs before the flight. It's a fooking middle seat.  I hate middle seats.  I'm in bad form as I take my seat.  In my head I am unleashing a torrent of abuse at the FAI. ''Fooking ****s!'' I thought. ''Tight bastards!''.
There's a fat bloke in the aisle seat and he has already taken his seat. 
''Sorry can I get in there. That's a statement not a question'' I growl
He manages eventually to get out of my.  I manage to squeeze through. 
The other side of me at the window seat is a 4 year old child.  I fasten my seat belt and off we go.  5 mins into the flight the fat lad decides he needs a nap.  His head dangling down onto his chest.  He's snoring away. I'm trying to get on with reading my book ''how to make friends and influence people''.  I'm on page 25 when the fat lads head falls onto my lap between my book and my face. 
I push his head firmly over to his side.  He wakes up. He looks at me and drifts back to sleep.
Halfway into the flight here come the trolley dollies.  Fatso order a tea and criossant.  Down comes his foldout table.  He's fumbling about with cartons of milk. He pulls firmly on the lid and the milk flies back and hits me on the face.  Milk drips slowly down my face as I stare sternly ahead for a moment contemplating my next move. ''Don't react Roy'' I thought.  I'm now faced with two options.  A night in the cells or go on about my day. ''f**k it. It's worth it'' and I let fly with my elbow into the guy's face knocking him out straight away.  ''You wanted to fooking sleep did you!?''
Miraculously nobody has seen me do it except the 4 year old boy beside me.
''You're a bad man!''
''Ever hear of the boogie man?'' I say
''Yes''
''Well I'm the fooking boogie man.''
The kid starts crying.
sh*t.  I've gone a bit too far.  I try to calm him down.
''Don't cry kid! Please don't cry. I was only messing.  Want to hear a joke?''
''Yes please'' he sobs slowly coming round.
''I get paid 600,000 a year to do fook all''



Edited by Trap junior - 21 Nov 2018 at 11:34pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ConorMac77 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Nov 2018 at 11:35pm
Got my hopes built up there when I saw this thread being bumped...Unhappy

So this could be your last diary entry on the thread TJ, better be a good 'un. Thumbs Up

No pressure then. LOL

Edit: just seen it. Not bad. LOL


Edited by ConorMac77 - 21 Nov 2018 at 11:38pm
The nation holds it's breath...YES, WE'RE THERE!!!
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More on the way
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Denis Irwin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Nov 2018 at 11:43pm
Originally posted by Trap junior Trap junior wrote:

November 2018. Last game of the Nations League. I'm flying to Dublin. The FAI have laid on a private jet to whisk me over to Dublin.  Have they fook!  They've booked me on the 06.30am flight out of Manchester with the official airline of the FAI- Ryanair.  Both are always looking for money and both would sell you out to save a few quid. Today fate has handed me seat 12 E.  I usually like an aisle seat and requested one but the FAI haven't stumped up the 8 euro to do so.  They waited until the free random seat check in became available 24 hrs before the flight. It's a fooking middle seat.  I hate middle seats.  I'm in bad form as I take my seat.  In my head I am unleashing a torrent of abuse at the FAI. ''Fooking ****s!'' I thought. ''Tight bastards!''.
There's a fat bloke in the aisle seat and he has already taken his seat. 
''Sorry can I get in there. That's a statement not a question'' I growl
He manages eventually to get out of my.  I manage to squeeze through. 
The other side of me at the window seat is a 4 year old child.  I fasten my seat belt and off we go.  5 mins into the flight the fat lad decides he needs a nap.  His head dangling down onto his chest.  He's snoring away. I'm trying to get on with reading my book ''how to make friends and influence people''.  I'm on page 25 when the fat lads head falls onto my lap between my book and my face. 
I push his head firmly over to his side.  He wakes up. He looks at me and drifts back to sleep.
Halfway into the flight here come the trolley dollies.  Fatso order a tea and criossant.  Down comes his foldout table.  He's fumbling about with cartons of milk. He pulls firmly on the lid and the milk flies back and hits me on the face.  Milk drips slowly down my face as I stare sternly ahead for a moment contemplating my next move. ''Don't react Roy'' I thought.  I'm now faced with two options.  A night in the cells or go on about my day. ''f**k it. It's worth it'' and I let fly with my elbow into the guy's face knocking him out straight away.  ''You wanted to fooking sleep did you!?''
Miraculously nobody has seen me do it except the 4 year old boy beside me.
''You're a bad man!''
''Ever hear of the boogie man?'' I say
''Yes''
''Well I'm the fooking boogie man.''
The kid starts crying.
sh*t.  I've gone a bit too far.  I try to calm him down.
''Don't cry kid! Please don't cry. I was only messing.  Want to hear a joke?''
''Yes please'' he sobs slowly coming round.
''I get paid 600,000 a year to do fook all''




LOL
Eamonn Dunphy:"I'll tell you who wrote it, Rod Liddle, he's the guy who ran away and left his wife for a young one".

Bill O'Herlihy: Ah ye can't be saying that now Eamonn
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ConorMac77 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Nov 2018 at 11:46pm
Originally posted by Trap junior Trap junior wrote:

More on the way
Clap
The nation holds it's breath...YES, WE'RE THERE!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MarkDev Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Nov 2018 at 12:15am
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