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My Roy Keane Diary: 'A day in the life'

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Ray Houghton
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote irish_major Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Sep 2018 at 6:45am
Brilliant LOL
Here we go again
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gary McKay Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Sep 2018 at 8:33am
Brilliant stiff.
 
Also Gift Grub this morning.
Keane checking the players Irishness by getting them to sing the theme song to Bosco
"Smalling and Jones.... have the potential to be the PL’s best ever pairing in my opinion." - SlurAlex
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Charlton's Child Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Sep 2018 at 8:44am
Brilliant LOL Clap
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Charlton's Child Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Sep 2018 at 8:56am
Originally posted by Gary McKay Gary McKay wrote:

Brilliant stiff.
 
Also Gift Grub this morning.
Keane checking the players Irishness by getting them to sing the theme song to Bosco

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Devrozex Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Sep 2018 at 9:47am
Top notch as usual TJ. Clap

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote The Huntacha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Sep 2018 at 10:36am
"Callum O'Dowda is showing the lads his new trainers" LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BippityBoop Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Sep 2018 at 11:26am
Originally posted by Charlton's Child Charlton's Child wrote:

Originally posted by Gary McKay Gary McKay wrote:

Brilliant stiff.
 
Also Gift Grub this morning.
Keane checking the players Irishness by getting them to sing the theme song to Bosco


That's hilarious!

We should start a petition to get the Bosco theme tune sang at Irish games LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bob Hoskins Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Sep 2018 at 11:31am
LOL LOL LOL LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote pre Madonna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Sep 2018 at 12:42pm
Originally posted by Charlton's Child Charlton's Child wrote:

Originally posted by Gary McKay Gary McKay wrote:

Brilliant stiff.
 
Also Gift Grub this morning.
Keane checking the players Irishness by getting them to sing the theme song to Bosco

This can be added to the 'things that make me embarrassed to be Irish' thread.
How is that **** still making money off this? It's abysmal.
Greed has won, big finance has won. Whatever small role elite clubs still play in the local communities from which they grew is dwarfed now by their position as global brands.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote FrankosHereNow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Sep 2018 at 12:55pm
LOLLOLLOLLOL
YBIG Quiz Champion 2016, 2017 & 2018.

As You Were
Three in a row
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Trap junior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Sep 2018 at 7:12pm
Keano's Revenge

September 2018 and the Nations League rolls around for the first time. Myself and O'Neill were still in the job. We had been thrashed 5-1 at home to Denmark in a vital world cup playoff game in Dublin the previous November.  In the weeks after the game we had gone job hunting. O'Neill sent off a few CVs.  He was in the frame for a few but then Delaney offered us new contracts. We couldn't believe our luck! It was a no brainer.  We played a few mickey mouse friendlies over the summer.  That English **** Arter was in the squad. I didin't like him. He was a bit soft. Too cocky and cockney for my liking. He was about as Irish as Dennis Wise!  I was determined to take him down a peg or two. I don't need any invitiation when I hear he is sitting out training on 'medical advice' from the FAI physio.  ''why the fcuk aren't you training!?'' I say as I storm into the physio treatment room finding Arter lying back with cucumbers on his eyes getting a massage. ''Eh what Roy?''  ''Why the f**k aren't you training?!''  
''The physio reckons I've got a grade 1 tear in my calf Roy and need to recover''
''Blah blah f.airying blah.  Get the f**k out on that training pitch you ***t so I can kick you up and down it!''
''But Roy I'm injured. Honest.''
''I'll give you a real injury you w**ker. You ***t. You English fcuking prick.  You t**ser! You're a f**king w**ker and a ***t!!  I bombard him with a torrent of abuse.
You ***t! You English fcuking prick!  You t**ser! You're a f**king w**ker and a ***t!
You ***t! You English fcuking prick!  You t**ser! You're a f**king w**ker and a ***t!
You ***t! You English fcuking prick!  You t**ser. You're a f**king w**ker and a ***t!

Arter stands up and starts walking away. 
''Come back here and take your abuse like a man!!''
''I'm going to my room Roy.''
''****!!''


In September Arter tells O'Neill he won't be coming back.  I was f**king raging. I was looking forward to kicking him in training. Now I won't get my chance.

We get another hammering away to Wales.  We are still in the job.  This is f**king great! We can't get sacked!  We travel to Poland.  A voice recording of Stephen Ward emerges online of him retelling the story of my altercation with some of the players a few months ago.  I told the players on day 1 when I got the job. 

''RULE NUMBER 1.  YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB
RULE NUMBER 2.  YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB''

Ward had betrayed me in the worst way possible.  He was going to f**king pay.

  To be continued....
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote UCDFAN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Sep 2018 at 7:26pm
Which one is keane?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Trap junior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Sep 2018 at 7:31pm
Originally posted by UCDFAN UCDFAN wrote:

Which one is keane?

I don't know
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Trap junior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2018 at 12:45am
After returning home from Poland I had a mission.  Ward was going to pay.  I took a train with Martin from Manchester to Burnley on Saturday 15th September.  We found out where this Judas lived, a leafy suburb a few miles outside the town.  We returned by train on the Sunday and sprinkled the nerve agent Keanochok on his door handle.  We caught a train swiftly home.  All I had to do was sit back and wait. 
  Burnley had a live game on Sky on Monday night.  Symptoms after exposure to Keanochok show up 18 hrs after exposure.  But Burnley's normally brutal left back with no touch suddenly developed the touch of the toes and was controlling the ball like never before and suddenly had super human co-ordination and was passing the ball around like Pirlo!  He scores 4 goals and is MAn of the Match.  Suspicions are raised.  The Keanochok, instead of destroying his nervous system had altered his foot-eye co-ordination beyond all recognition for the positive.  Then I realised I hadn't put enough of the stuff on his door handle and instead of killing Ward, I had inadvertently altered his nervous system and turned him into the best left back in the world.
  That night at 4am I got a knock on the door.  Its Manchester Metropolitan Police.  I'm bundled into car and rushed into an interrogation room.   A few cops arrive on the scene as a light is shone into my face. 
''Do you know why you're here?''
''No'' I reply.
''We know you poisoned Ward.  There's no way he has that natural ability''.
''What are you talking about?''

A man under a blanket appears in the room and is bundled down onto a chair beside me.  Its Martin.  We are being charged with attempted murder.

''We didn't do anything. We're innocent.  We don't know anything about this incident''
''Yes you f**king do!!  Bollox!! ''  Shouts the bad cop interrogator.
''We have you on CCTV in thetrain station and walking past ward's house.  What the f**k were you doing in Burnley on Septermber 15 and 16?'''
''Our friends have told us how amazing Burnley is.  With its population of 73,021 its famous town hall and Leeds-Liverpool canal and its famous singing Ringing Tree.  We decided to take a trip on the 15th but we could only stay an hour as the weather was so hot that day. So, we returned ont he Sunday because we did not want to miss out on these beautiful Burnley landmarks.''  I say.

''You spend an awful lot of time together if you don't mind me saying'' one of the interrogator says.
Martin chips in  ''I know.  I was afraid too that people might think we were a couple of queers.  I like women. Well, only the good looking ones.  I only tell my players they can bring their wives away if they are good looking. Definitely no ugly ones allowed.''

I give a sarcastic clap in my own head and roll my eyes ''well done Martin''.  Gobsh*te.

''What line of business are you two in then?'' The cop asks.
''We would rather not say''. O'Neill retorts.
''Why not?  People have questions. I think it looks rather guilty if you are being all evasive''
''We're in the football coaching business''

The whole police station falls about the place laughing. For about 10 mins.

After a while the laughing dies down.

''Do us a favour mate!! We've seen your teams play! You're definitely NOT in the coaching business!  What's your real job!'' .

And the cop shop bursts into hysterical laughter.




Edited by Trap junior - 14 Sep 2018 at 11:00am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Roberto Baggio Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2018 at 12:49am
LOLLOLLOL
Brilliant 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote pre Madonna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2018 at 1:28am
That one is actually funny!
Greed has won, big finance has won. Whatever small role elite clubs still play in the local communities from which they grew is dwarfed now by their position as global brands.
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Hmmm, Goodness, I must say

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Claret Murph Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2018 at 7:11am

Hummmm site seeing in Burnley , now beat me he should have gone to the weavers triangle or Townley Hall .

Or better still should have been murdered in the town centre .
Lansdowne Road debut aged 52 and 201 days .
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BigPodge Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2018 at 1:16pm
Excellent work TJ LOLClap
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