My Roy Keane Diary: 'A day in the life' |
Post Reply | Page <12345 40> |
Author | |
FREEWHEELER
Robbie Keane sPICE UP YOUR LIFE Gwan MONROY Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Location: Ireland Status: Offline Points: 24595 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Great stuff son
|
|
We'll never die, we'll never die, we'll keep the Green Flag flying high......Shamrock Rovers will never die, we'll keep the Green Flag Flying high. 19 Leagues and 25 Cups.....
|
|
Sponsored Links | |
Trap junior
Robbie Keane YBIG Minister of Doom & Gloom Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Irish Riviera Status: Online Points: 39778 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Ch 14 Punditry
''I had always sworn I would never be a pundit. In 2008 Sky came looking for me to do a Man Utd game at Old Trafford. I had always hated the idea but they put up big money so I called Michael Kennedy. He knows how I am. ''Go for it Roy. why not?'' he said I reluctantly agreed. Michael made the arrangements. A few weeks later I arrived at Old Trafford. I had started to hate the place ever since I left United. I felt like I was going to place of betrayal. Kick off was 4pm but Sky require you to be at the stadium from 11am for make up and rehearsals. I am met at the security entrance by a Sky crew member. He escorts me up to the Sky studio whereupon I am greeted by sky anchorman Richard Keys. I dislike him immediately but I think ''bite your lip Roy, try to get on with it.'' He is wearing jeans and a white shirt with black suede shoes. He looks like he has stepped out of a MArks and Spencer's catelogue. The one where some gimp has his jacket hanging off the back of his shoulder with his index finger. I had only ever seen him wearing suits before fromwatching the tv coverage from my home. He looked like a clown. He greeted me waith a smarmy handshake ''Welcome Roy'' he said as he told me to have a seat. He handed me a few A4 sheets of paper which had the script for todays broadcast. ''What the fook is this?'' I thought ''Are we in a panto or analysing a f**king football match??'' I said to Keys. He just laughed like a moron. I gave him a hard stare. The one where it looks like red lasers are coming out of my eyes burning a hole in his face. Keys gives me a quick run down of how he wants things to go today and I just wanted to leave. ''Don't do it Roy. Don't take the bait'' I thought. ''Lets go down the canteen for some grub Roy'' ''No I'm ok. Theresa gave me a breakfast.'' ''Well we usually eat at 12 Roy then come back up around 1.30 for make up.'' ''ok''. ''Great'' he said. ''Jamie should be along shortly''. I rolled my eyes. He was referring to Jamie Redknapp. Footballs pretty pin up boy. I played against him many a time. I thought he was a coward. We entered the canteen under the main stand. Keys ordered a Lasagne and chips. I went for a bowl of water and lumps of raw meat. It's what I used to have before a game. After a while in walks Redknapp looking like a complete fool. He's wearing skin tight ripped jeans, a black shirt and a scarf. It's indoors and early September. He has one of those haircuts that just screams 'punch me'. It's a hairdo Theresa would pay good money for. HE has brought his hair straightener along and a multitude of hair products. I know this is going to be one of those days where I will find it hard not to smash him through the window. I am feeling uncomfortable being among these muppets. Then in walks the gruesome twosome. Martin Tyler and Andy Gray. Tyler looks like a pall bearer. All the character of a slug and his scottish sidekick is the Mouth of the Clyde. I hate the pair of them. I made my way to the toilet and stayed there for half an hour. Anything to avoid talking to these fools. When I came back they were s*****ring. ''Have a dose of the old Guinness trots Roy!?'' I felt my hand clench into a fist. Just then the sky make up girls come over to the table to tell us its time to get ready. Keys is saved by the bell. I am already wearing my suit but Keys and the other fool have to go off to change into their Armani suits and Rolex watches. I sit in one of those directors chairs while the girls do their thing. They are lovely but I dont like wearing make up. 40mins till we go on air. We are all in the studio. Keys is drining a cup of tea talking about some tart that worked in Sky Sports News. Redknapp is giggling like a schoolgirl. ''I'd like to smash her backdoors in'' Keys boasts like a pubescent prick. ''Why dont you shut your mouth or I'll smash your face in'' R.Keane can be cutting too. Keys sits stunned. Nobody''s ever pulled him on acting like a sexist pig before. I have a mother, a wife and daughter. Pricks like him degrading them. Keys and the other muppett sit in silence like choir boys until we go on air. The game is a snorefest. At half time Keys wants us to go over the highlights of the 1st half. ''Highlights?'' I thought . I was nearly asleep. I was getting sick of this imposter. A 58 year old man acting like a horny kid. I grabbed him by the hair on the back of his hands and stuck him a headbutt from across the table. Redknapp ran like a girl in terror. I'd get him another day. People were scurrying for cover. Security was called. I made my getaway down the gantry stairs. Luckily I brought my trusty basball cap. I pulled it down over my face. No one recognised me as I left the building. Then all of a sudden... |
|
Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more...
97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC) |
|
Sham157
Moderator Group Joined: 17 Jul 2009 Location: Monaghan/Dublin Status: Offline Points: 33206 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|
|
Claret Murph
Paul McGrath Hmmm, Goodness, I must say Joined: 16 Apr 2009 Location: Tibet Status: Online Points: 15733 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
" Bowl of water and raw meat " and still no sign of a Tea Bag , but there is still time . |
|
Lansdowne Road debut aged 52 and 201 days .
|
|
RogerMilla
Moderator Group #TEAMJAVIER #ENGANCHE Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Location: Delaney Park Status: Offline Points: 34858 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
He has one of those haircuts that just screams 'punch me'.
|
|
The first time the Devil made me do it. The second time I did it on my own.
|
|
FREEWHEELER
Robbie Keane sPICE UP YOUR LIFE Gwan MONROY Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Location: Ireland Status: Offline Points: 24595 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Superb, Roy O Carroll Kelly
|
|
We'll never die, we'll never die, we'll keep the Green Flag flying high......Shamrock Rovers will never die, we'll keep the Green Flag Flying high. 19 Leagues and 25 Cups.....
|
|
Barna Bee
Liam Brady Joined: 02 Nov 2009 Location: Brisbane Austra Status: Offline Points: 2389 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
very good , you are a bit of a talent .....keep it up!
|
|
"in di cup for Tottinghang!"
|
|
McG
Moderator Group SISAO? What the hell is SISAO? Joined: 27 Jan 2008 Location: Christmas Island Status: Offline Points: 26977 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Absolute gold. I'll get it linked on the twitter machine.
|
|
YBIG Table Quiz winner 2016 & 2017
AS YOU WERE McGx |
|
FREEWHEELER
Robbie Keane sPICE UP YOUR LIFE Gwan MONROY Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Location: Ireland Status: Offline Points: 24595 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
"Tyler looks a pallbearer", ha ha.......
|
|
We'll never die, we'll never die, we'll keep the Green Flag flying high......Shamrock Rovers will never die, we'll keep the Green Flag Flying high. 19 Leagues and 25 Cups.....
|
|
Flanno7hi
Liam Brady Joined: 26 Jul 2010 Location: Chester Status: Offline Points: 2614 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
I went for a bowl of water and lumps of raw meat. It's what I used to have before a game.
hahahaha
|
|
Our City. Our Community. Our Club
IG @flanno_7hi |
|
BigStrongMan
Robbie Keane Just Modding Like Joined: 22 May 2009 Location: Ireland Status: Offline Points: 107625 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|
|
PM me for all forum moderation queries.
|
|
Baldrick
Robbie Keane Peyton-tly Pedantic Joined: 18 Sep 2008 Location: Ireland Status: Online Points: 32731 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Roger Millla made reference to Keane's solcitor having an issue with this. Can SuperDave or Gerk or someone advise as to why this could not be put into a newspaper under a parody article and use that as defence. Surely this would be comedy gold for a newspaper to print once a week.
|
|
AKA pedantic kunt
|
|
FREEWHEELER
Robbie Keane sPICE UP YOUR LIFE Gwan MONROY Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Location: Ireland Status: Offline Points: 24595 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Surely if you changed the various names to something else, there couldn't be any issues, not that there should be anyhow, it's only a piss-take, I'd say Roy would even laugh.
|
|
We'll never die, we'll never die, we'll keep the Green Flag flying high......Shamrock Rovers will never die, we'll keep the Green Flag Flying high. 19 Leagues and 25 Cups.....
|
|
Baldrick
Robbie Keane Peyton-tly Pedantic Joined: 18 Sep 2008 Location: Ireland Status: Online Points: 32731 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Or maybe it could be read out loud on radio like the way Joe O'Connor had his slot on Drivetime on Radio 1. Cork Accent would be a pre-requisite though
|
|
AKA pedantic kunt
|
|
McG
Moderator Group SISAO? What the hell is SISAO? Joined: 27 Jan 2008 Location: Christmas Island Status: Offline Points: 26977 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Gift Grub dont have any issues with their portrayal of Roy.
And as FW said, Roy would have a good chuckle at this stuff. Someone tweet it to Alfie Haaland there.
|
|
YBIG Table Quiz winner 2016 & 2017
AS YOU WERE McGx |
|
t_rAndy
Robbie Keane Joined: 06 Feb 2008 Location: Ireland Status: Offline Points: 26217 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Started off brilliant. Like a lot of good screenplays it seemed there was a difficulty wrapping it up and it felt a little rushed with the McCarthy bit
|
|
t_rAndy
Robbie Keane Joined: 06 Feb 2008 Location: Ireland Status: Offline Points: 26217 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Just read the updated diary with keys and gray. Now that was classic!
|
|
El_nino
Jack Charlton Santa Slayer Joined: 31 May 2011 Location: London/Leitrim Status: Online Points: 5015 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Bowl of water and lumps of raw meat
Quality work Edited by El_nino - 13 Feb 2014 at 11:41am |
|
Post Reply | Page <12345 40> |
Tweet
|
Forum Jump | Forum Permissions You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum |