Jeremy Hopkiss - Britain's NUMBER ONE columnist! |
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sid waddell
Roy Keane On a dark desert highway Joined: 20 Nov 2009 Status: Offline Points: 12173 |
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That was one of the bits I missed. The Tim Farron bit was good.
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pre Madonna
Robbie Keane I am MALDING Joined: 30 Nov 2014 Location: Trumpton Status: Offline Points: 44659 |
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The 'po-up' bit was Shoreditch to a 't'.
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ErsatzThistle
Liam Brady Joined: 05 Nov 2013 Location: Glasgow Status: Offline Points: 1013 |
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A few guys who post on the TAMB were actually on that show when we played a friendly against England at Wembley a few years back. The set up was the two guys in character as an out of touch posh Tory and a weak, hopeless Lib Dem who were asking Scotland fans to save for the union. They got one hell of a reaction
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pre Madonna
Robbie Keane I am MALDING Joined: 30 Nov 2014 Location: Trumpton Status: Offline Points: 44659 |
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I have watched that, it was quite funny! He does a similarly out of touch Tory in this as well, alongside a Blairite 'Tory' and a 'save the world' Lancastrian Corbyn supporter. Some of it is hit and miss but at least they are trying to be subversive and raise some issues that the media choose to ignore.
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Bob Hoskins
Moderator Group Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Status: Offline Points: 20175 |
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I saw that Revolting show last week - the UKIP candidates and Dale Maily were good. Smart show, not too many laughs but still enjoyable
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Romario 2016: And the ticket mafia gets caught! Well, four years ago I had already told the government.
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sid waddell
Roy Keane On a dark desert highway Joined: 20 Nov 2009 Status: Offline Points: 12173 |
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Jezza's prepared to go to war with the Spanish over Gibrawlta! A rain of pain will fall from a plane, on Spain! HEY, SPAIN! HANDS OFF GIBRAWLTA! JEREMY HOPKISS AT LARGE - BRITAIN'S NUMBER ONE! I hate the Spanish. Always have. Lazy, greasy, smelly, paella-eating spivs who only bother to expend any energy when they talk their lisp-plagued nonsense at 100 miles an hour. Their young are like locusts, dawdling and wandering aimlessly around London during the summer, nattering their incomprehensible heth-the-theths, taking over our buses and Tubes and preventing, good, decent hard-working British people from getting the seats that their tax money entitles them to. Hey, Spanish students, stop being so rude, stand up and let our pensioners sit down! The feckless attitude of the Spaniards was summed up perfectly by the useless Spanish waiter in Fawlty Towers, Manuel. Manuel was from Barcelona. And he knew nothing. And neither did the rest of the Spaniards. While Britain became the economic powerhouse of the world through good, old fashioned hard work, Spain became a wasteland. That's hardly surprising given the Spaniards spend every afternoon literally asleep. Or having a “siesta”, as they call it. You snooze, you lose, and Spain lost. Until the 1970s, Spain was a backward place ruled by the Roman Catholic Church, full of peasants who scrounged a living by taking their rickety old boats out to sea to catch the strange fish that inhabit their waters, making cheap, poor quality wine, hawking oranges and lemons (say the bells of St Clement's) around Seville, or getting their donkeys to plough the arid landscape so they could grow whatever it is they grow in that semi-desert they inhabit. They were the Arabs of Europe. A backward people living in a place with sunny weather. Hardly surprising to know Spain was once ruled by Arab Muslims. It shows. Spain would be nothing only for the British Even the one important thing the Spanish could be said to be actually good at – football – was given to them by the British, when British companies invested in mining in Spain, and British mine workers and railway navvies spread the gospel of the game amongst the locals. British managers brought Spanish teams success – Patrick O'Connell, John Toshack, Terry Venables, Ron Atkinson, Bobby Robson, David Moyes. Have you ever heard any gratitude from the Spaniards for this? No, neither have I. Then in the 1970s, Britain saved Spain. Our holidaymakers flocked to the sun. Through the money British people brought, civilisation came to Spain. Pointless fishing villages like Benidorm and Torremolinos were turned into thriving holiday resorts with skyscrapers along the beach. British bars brought culture. British restaurants brought real, proper food to Spain for the first time. We flocked to work on our tans and spent the peseta, a currency that was as valuable as toilet roll, like it was going out of fashion.The laughter of British families filled the beaches. British families bought holiday homes, British expats made their lives there, our pensioners moved there to enjoy a well earned retirement in the sun. Prosperity and civilisation had finally come to Spain. And, like in so many other places throughout the world, it was the British who brought it. Our proud Rock But there is one place on the Iberian peninsula that has always been a beacon of prosperity, civilisation and decency – Gibrawlta. The rock which dominates the landscape of Gibrawlta symbolises the strength of British identity of these great British people. Gibrawlta is as British as Finchley. And now, like the rest of Britain, it has once again reaffirmed, through Brexit, that it is part of a proud, sovereign nation, free of the shackles of EU fascism. But oh no, the Spaniards don't like that. They have to go poking their greasy, dago noses into internal British affairs. Who do these Spaniards think they are by claiming Gibrawlta? Who do these Spaniards think they are by threatening to blockade Gibrawlta because Gibrawlta is a bastion of free trade, and of freedom? Who do these Spaniards think they are by threatening Britain? Who do these Spaniards think they are threatening our British expats who are keeping Spain going? Don't mess with us Last Sunday, Lord Howard spoke for a nation, when he said that the Prime Minister would defend Gibrawlta by any means necessary, including war, if it came to that. It was a proud moment of British affirmation to hear such words. They were almost Churchillian in their moral clarity. War against Spaniards is nothing new to us. It holds no fears. It never has. Do the Spaniards know their history? Have they never heard of Sir Francis Drake, who heroically fought off the Spanish Armada in 1588? Do they know that the words “scatter her enemies” from the national anthem were written about Drake's rout of them? Have they never heard of the Falklands, where we destroyed another bunch of Spanish-speaking fools who thought they could take sovereign British territory? Have they never heard of the Belgrano? Are they prepared to endure their own Belgrano, and more, over Gibrawlta? If they keep talking like they've been talking over the last week, they had better be. The Spanish have never been any good at fighting, unless they're fighting bulls. They never bothered their lazy wet backs to fight in either The Great War or the Second World War. Politically they were utterly ignorant. Their civil war in the 1930s was a fight between a bunch of Hitler lovers and a bunch of Stalinists. They hold no fears for us. Let them send an Armada if necessary. The Spaniards can talk all they want. The Union Jack will always fly proudly from the summit of the Rock. Gibrawlta will always remain British. Be gone, Juan. Otherwise, you'll pay, José. Edited by sid waddell - 05 Apr 2017 at 3:43pm |
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Denis Irwin
Robbie Keane Stay Home & watch Lethal Weapon Joined: 03 Feb 2008 Location: Ath Cliath Status: Offline Points: 37886 |
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Excellent work Sid |
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Eamonn Dunphy:"I'll tell you who wrote it, Rod Liddle, he's the guy who ran away and left his wife for a young one".
Bill O'Herlihy: Ah ye can't be saying that now Eamonn |
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Roberto Baggio
Robbie Keane UNBELIEVABLE JEFF Joined: 28 Jan 2010 Status: Offline Points: 37149 |
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irishmufc
Robbie Keane I love Vulvas Joined: 09 Aug 2011 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 24975 |
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Wings? They're only the band The Beatles could have been.
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GB 1HughJarse
Liam Brady Joined: 03 Sep 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2091 |
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Good lord, is that column real or a piss take?
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pre Madonna
Robbie Keane I am MALDING Joined: 30 Nov 2014 Location: Trumpton Status: Offline Points: 44659 |
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Real, he has his own column in the Mail over here every Wednesday and also in the Mail on Sunday. He has a radio show on LBC too, not sure what days.
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Denis Irwin
Robbie Keane Stay Home & watch Lethal Weapon Joined: 03 Feb 2008 Location: Ath Cliath Status: Offline Points: 37886 |
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Yep. Apparently in talks with Sky News for his show which will be similar to Bill O'Reilly's on Fox News |
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Eamonn Dunphy:"I'll tell you who wrote it, Rod Liddle, he's the guy who ran away and left his wife for a young one".
Bill O'Herlihy: Ah ye can't be saying that now Eamonn |
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Het-field
Roy Keane By Appointment to His Majesty The King Joined: 08 Mar 2016 Status: Offline Points: 10345 |
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The latter.
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Denis Irwin
Robbie Keane Stay Home & watch Lethal Weapon Joined: 03 Feb 2008 Location: Ath Cliath Status: Offline Points: 37886 |
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Jaysus Hetfield
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Eamonn Dunphy:"I'll tell you who wrote it, Rod Liddle, he's the guy who ran away and left his wife for a young one".
Bill O'Herlihy: Ah ye can't be saying that now Eamonn |
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Het-field
Roy Keane By Appointment to His Majesty The King Joined: 08 Mar 2016 Status: Offline Points: 10345 |
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Crap! I didn't know we were doing something. Mea Culpa! I am humourless. |
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irishmufc
Robbie Keane I love Vulvas Joined: 09 Aug 2011 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 24975 |
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Wings? They're only the band The Beatles could have been.
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sid waddell
Roy Keane On a dark desert highway Joined: 20 Nov 2009 Status: Offline Points: 12173 |
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If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can write to... Dear David, David says: Dear David, David says: But to answer your question, no Hannah, I’m very confident your teacher won’t notice. You can be perfectly relaxed about arriving into school tomorrow morning with no homework done. Dear David, David says: Dear David, David says: Dear David, David says: Dear David, David says: Dear David, David says: |
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Bob Hoskins
Moderator Group Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Status: Offline Points: 20175 |
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Sagely advice from Dear David
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Romario 2016: And the ticket mafia gets caught! Well, four years ago I had already told the government.
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