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Does anyone know if when you’re calling the emergency services, they act like they do on those reality tv shows or documentary re-enactments?

So you’ve been shot in the neck and blood is spouting out all over the shop and you use all your resolve to crawl across the broken glass on the floor and over the body of your dead enemy to get to the mobile phone. You manfully battle to input 999 and splutter as the damage from your internal wounds start to block your air passage.

Then the dope on the phone answers and asks you a million Q’s

“Whats your name and the nature of your call”

“What service are you in need of”

“What specifically happened?”

“Who else is in the house?”

“Do you have time to answer a quick survey to give us your feedback on this call?”

“Please outline in no less than 1000 words your thoughts of the impact of Brexit on the Irish agriculture industry”

Can they not just send the ambulance first and then get yer mans life story while it’s in transit?

To use a real life example, what happens if you hear burglars or some sort of intruder in your gaff and you ring the cops? Do they need all the info as well or can you just whisper for help to be sent to your address? The last thing you want is to be trying to remember your PPS number whilst hiding under the bed with some knife wielding psycho wandering about out on the landing. You should be able to text for assistance rather than giving away your location to Jason from Friday the 13th by having to shout down the phone to some hard of hearing halfwit.