Join my new political party!

THE PLAIN PEOPLE OF IRELAND is a party that will fight for our values and fight to make us right again.

For years, we, the silent majority, have sat on our arses, afraid to say anything, while all the traditional values which we hold dear and which have served us well, have come under attack from the insidious liberal mafia.

These trendy liberal fascists will stop at nothing to force their communist agenda upon us.

And this is why we must organise to stop them. 

i) No to queers

The queers are the worst. Mark my words, they'll stop at nothing, and I said it in 1993 when the sick act of sticking a man's cock up another man's arse was legalised. It was the thin end of the wedge, the first step on the slippery slope which would end in these deviant perverts running our country. They got civil partnerships, and that wasn't enough for them. They want to get married, and that won't be enough for them. They criticise the Church, and yet they want to twist the minds of innocent children by rearing them. None of that will be enough for them. They want to stop our wholesome young men and women  from getting married. They want to demolish the foundations of civilisation.

ii) Blacks out

The blacks are as bad. Who do they think they are, coming here, taking our jobs, riding our women, and driving our taxis. They're bone idle spongers - they sit around all day and do nothing. And they have women as well who do nothing but whore themselves around, getting pregnant. The whores.

iii) A mass a day helps you work, rest and pray

The day religion was done away with was the day this country died. But some us still like a like bit of religion in our lives, thank you. Priests are being persecuted and victimised by a Godless law. They call them "peadophiles". Well let me tell you, there's no law above God's law, and the people who condemn these good priests will have to answer to God when their day comes.

iv) A woman's place is in the home

These feminist Nazis are a blight on our country. They abolished the dowry, and look where that got us. They allowed them to work, and look where that got us. Then they don't want to work because they're off getting pregnant outside of marriage, popping out their illegitimate children, one by one.

v) NO to abortion.

Murder is all it is. It's time the death penalty was introduced for this heinous crime. Ireland has an acceptable level of childbirth mortality. Allowing women to go to England to murder their babies was the first wrong move we made here. Every pregnant woman should be tagged and if caught leaving the country should be held under house arrest. There is no place for murderesses in this country.

vii) Ban unions

The unions are another shower of bone idle spongers who don't know the meaning of the word work. A shower of spongers, that's all they are, sitting around getting their dole. It's time we made them work for it.

viii) "Depression" is a sham

This nonsense about people being depressed is another thing that really gets my goat. There was no depression in my day. You got up and got on with it. But now it's an "illness". The only illness these bluffers have is lazyitis. It's time to kick these softies up off their arse. They're not sick. They're useless.

ix) Kick cyclists off the road

Cyclists are a nuisance. Under my detailed plan, they'd be put off the road. Roads are for cars. End of.

x) No to bus lanes

And there won't be any bus lanes when I'm done. They cause traffic jams and promote anti-social behaviour.

xi) Stop the persecution of people driving home from a night at the pub

After a hard day at work, a man likes to relax with a few pints. But now, because he can't drive home, he can't. That's an outrage. So called scientific studies about alcohol making you a worse driver have never been proven. The road safety mafia spread their lies and spread their hate of us plain people of Ireland.

THE PLAIN PEOPLE OF IRELAND will work for YOU.

THE PLAIN PEOPLE OF IRELAND needs YOU.

Come to our MONSTER MEETING (CRINNIU OLLPHEIST), next Saturday, assembling outside the Pro Cathedral, before a MONSTER MARCH (MARSEAIL OLLPHEIST) to Dail Eireann.

I invite you to submit policies for our manifesto. Any policies submitted will be looked at and considered by our leadership.

Together we can make this country great again.

Thank you.