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Bringing a woman home on a night out
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Metal Paul View Drop Down
Roy Keane
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The Dude

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Points: 11562 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Metal Paul Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Jul 2015 at 6:46pm
Originally posted by Trap junior Trap junior wrote:

I was working in the Shelbourne hotel one year. One night as I was walking the corridor I bumped into Eva Longoria. After a few mins chit chat she asked if I could take a look at her shower as she said it wasn't working properly. Me, being the polite lad that I am went in and examined it. I couldn't find anything wrong as it seemed to be working fine. Eva says 'I dunno why but it never works for me when I am about to take a shower.'  I am thinking to myself. 'I haven't a clue'. Then Eva says 'maybe if you watch me have a shower you might see the problem.' I said ok. She takes off her bath robe and is butt naked. In she goes and starts rubbing soap suggestively over her breasts. She then says  'The water is a bit cold. How about you come in and warm me up?' I was like 'hell yeah!'  So we are getting down to business as you do and then the bathroom door opens. It's some blonde girl. The shower doors are all fogged up so I can't see who it is. She opens the shower door and comes in. It's Taylor Swift and she wants me to show her what a real man is like after having so many break ups. Eva is happy to watch for a while but then joins in.  After a 3 hour session I get dressed and leave the girls to it. They whispered in my ear 'oh my god TJ that wa incredible!'  I got a 500 euro tip and she gave me her number in Hollywood and told me she needs me. 'I said. Go way out of that ye mad yoke!' and left feeling pretty cocky.
True story.
Good man TJ! 
"There are no chicks with dicks Johnny, just guys with tits."
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The Huntacha View Drop Down
Roy Keane
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Points: 12795 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote The Huntacha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Jul 2015 at 3:15am
Pulled this polish bird in Boston last night and brought her back to our hotel. Was sharing the room with 2 other lads who I thought were asleep but seen and heard the whole thing, your one was mortified when they said it to her this morning

Have brought birds home before and got away with it but got caught one time and the aul one went mental so didn't do it again. Off topic but a few years ago I had a posh wank and thought I'd got rid of the johnnie but I'd left it in the jacks in my house. Aul one finds it and starts telling me that I shouldn't be bringing girls back to the house. Rather than have to go through the shame of saying I was pulling the stomach out of myself I just said sorry
Jimmy Bullard - "Favorite band? Elastic."
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horsebox View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
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Born n bred in darndale.

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Points: 34892 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote horsebox Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Jul 2015 at 8:56am
Why would somebody have a wank with a johnny on? I just don't get it.
It was far across the sea,
When the devil got a hold of me,
He wouldn't set me free,
So he kept me soul for ransom.
na na na na na na na na na
na na na na na na na na.
I'm a sailor man from Glasgow to
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FREEWHEELER View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
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sPICE UP YOUR LIFE Gwan MONROY

Joined: 29 Mar 2007
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Points: 24595 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote FREEWHEELER Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Jul 2015 at 9:06am
Originally posted by horsebox horsebox wrote:

Why would somebody have a wank with a johnny on? I just don't get it.

 
A curious wan indeed. Confused
We'll never die, we'll never die, we'll keep the Green Flag flying high......Shamrock Rovers will never die, we'll keep the Green Flag Flying high. 19 Leagues and 25 Cups.....
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The Huntacha View Drop Down
Roy Keane
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Points: 12795 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote The Huntacha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Jul 2015 at 5:07pm
I can guarantee there are plenty others on this that have done the same before, it's hardly a new concept.
Jimmy Bullard - "Favorite band? Elastic."
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pre Madonna View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
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I am MALDING

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Points: 44659 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote pre Madonna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Jul 2015 at 7:22pm
You try it when you are fourteen, realise it is sh*te and that johnny may have have been useful further down the line and never do it again.
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Baldrick View Drop Down
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Points: 32815 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Baldrick Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Jul 2015 at 9:54pm
Maybe he has warts on his hand
AKA pedantic kunt
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eire32 View Drop Down
Roy Keane
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Points: 10372 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote eire32 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Jul 2015 at 11:45pm
Posh wanks are the sh*t.
And with johnnys available in the euroshops it's as cheap as a tissue
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The Huntacha View Drop Down
Roy Keane
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Points: 12795 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote The Huntacha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Jul 2015 at 1:22am
Originally posted by Baldrick Baldrick wrote:

Maybe he has warts on his hand




I was about 17 when I did it, it's a waste of a johnnie so hasn't been a regular occurrence.
Jimmy Bullard - "Favorite band? Elastic."
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Gary McKay View Drop Down
Roy Keane
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Yo Adrian

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Points: 13816 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gary McKay Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Jul 2015 at 9:40am
Originally posted by eire32 eire32 wrote:

Posh wanks are the sh*t.
And with johnnys available in the euroshops it's as cheap as a tissue
Cling film comes in handy too.
 
"Smalling and Jones.... have the potential to be the PL’s best ever pairing in my opinion." - SlurAlex
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Jack Charlton
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The F The F The FAI

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Originally posted by Gary McKay Gary McKay wrote:

Originally posted by eire32 eire32 wrote:

Posh wanks are the sh*t.
And with johnnys available in the euroshops it's as cheap as a tissue
Cling film comes in handy too.
 
Or an empty tayto bag (or similar crisp packet) and an elastic band
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sheasy View Drop Down
500 Club la la la
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Points: 530 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sheasy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Jul 2015 at 4:44pm
Fantastic read, this thread. The amount of utter bullsh*t being spoken is only half as funny as lads genuinely being in awe of the blokes speaking said utter tripe. 

Most entertaining thread for a long time. Clap
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Jessica Rabbit View Drop Down
Alan Kernaghan
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Points: 122 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jessica Rabbit Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Oct 2015 at 7:40pm
Originally posted by eire32 eire32 wrote:

Posh wanks are the sh*t.
And with johnnys available in the euroshops it's as cheap as a tissue
 
Ewww you dirty beast Dead
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Jack Charlton
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The F The F The FAI

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Points: 9155 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DUBLIN DOC Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Oct 2015 at 8:23pm
Originally posted by Jessica Rabbit Jessica Rabbit wrote:

Originally posted by eire32 eire32 wrote:

Posh wanks are the sh*t.
And with johnnys available in the euroshops it's as cheap as a tissue

 
Ewww you dirty beast Dead
Eire them wanks are better when the slut uses her mouth
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cm79 View Drop Down
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Points: 2471 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote cm79 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Oct 2016 at 10:47am
Bump
 
Some cracking stories on this thread.
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horsebox View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
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Points: 34892 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote horsebox Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Oct 2016 at 11:00am
Some fine bumping.
It was far across the sea,
When the devil got a hold of me,
He wouldn't set me free,
So he kept me soul for ransom.
na na na na na na na na na
na na na na na na na na.
I'm a sailor man from Glasgow to
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seanyshuffler View Drop Down
Jack Charlton
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PM snitch

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Points: 9538 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote seanyshuffler Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Oct 2016 at 11:05am
Some fine spoofing here too. LOL
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