Celebrity Death Thread

No. 

Expected better from you Sid.

Frano at his best

Years ago, Gary Halpin and I went skiving into a pub on the outskirts of civilisation when we should have been at a video session or doing something else. We weren't bingeing - just skiving - shooting the breeze.

Some easy time. No matter what you might say about the pair of us, you could not escape the fact that we were, well . . .  obvious. A couple of 18-stone strays just come mooching into a country town. It wasn't long before we became the subject of wonder.

"D'yee play deh rubbee?"

"We do"

"Yee'd have a fair ould feed of shteak and shpuds teh keep yee going"

"Yip"

"Big, strong rubbee min, dats what yee are, huh"

"Indeed"

"Big strong rubbee min God bless yee"

It wasn't long before the whole Irish rubbee team were talking big, strong rubbee min-ese. This phase went on for quite a while. In May of 1992, Ireland toured New Zealand. It was a weakened party - quite a number of the senior members of the Irish squad did not travel - including your correspondent. Work commitments . . . ahem.

It was perceived to be a bad tour all round. There ain't much fun in New Zealand. The penultimate match was against Manawatu. The team from Palmerston North put 58 points on Ireland that afternoon. They were fairly formidable opponents back then. As they scored yet another try under the sticks, Ireland's captain for the day pulled his troops together behind the posts to try and ascertain what the problem was and to see if he could exhort them to up their performance a bit.

Silence.

"Well?"

Gary had this amazing facility for saying the most inappropriate thing at the most inappropriate time.

"Because they're big, strong rubbee min?"

The huddle collapsed in a heap as all the players fell about laughing. The television pictures were incredible. Just as the New Zealand commentators were remarking on how grim the situation had become. Maybe, they ventured, a spirited response from the Irish would come to save their blushes.

Gallows humour and a laughing epidemic was the best we could come up with. I suspect that a certain headmaster of a boys' school in Palmerston North may have been at that game and probably couldn't believe his eyes. Long odds on a repetition of that response on Joe Schmidt's watch. Either way, Manawatu were a grizzled bunch of ruffians who were too big and too physical for Ireland back then.