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Crap Joke of the Day

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pre Madonna View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
Robbie Keane
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I am MALDING

Joined: 30 Nov 2014
Location: Trumpton
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    Posted: 11 Feb 2020 at 1:20pm
I have a Blur alarm clock and it is mostly very good, it wakes me up every morning, except of course for Thursday.
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TonyNotJack View Drop Down
Liam Brady
Liam Brady


Joined: 16 Oct 2015
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote TonyNotJack Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Feb 2020 at 1:05pm
Jimmy Savile,Rolf Harris & Stuart Hall walk into a pub in Ireland.


Barman says '' Not yew tree again.''
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lassassinblanc View Drop Down
Paul McGrath
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Cheese, it’s not just for eating

Joined: 27 Sep 2010
Location: Clairefontaine
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lassassinblanc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Nov 2019 at 6:23pm
I just got a new job as a street cleaner! 

Turns out there’s not much training involved, you just pick stuff up as you go along. 
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armahibee View Drop Down
Liam Brady
Liam Brady


Joined: 11 Apr 2012
Location: belfast
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote armahibee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Nov 2019 at 5:58pm
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?? I've never had a lentil on my face
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Trap junior View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
Robbie Keane
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YBIG Minister of Doom & Gloom

Joined: 25 Jan 2010
Location: Irish Riviera
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Trap junior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Nov 2019 at 12:12am
Originally posted by drog addict drog addict wrote:

Just talking to someone who used to work for the Anti Doping Agency in the 70s.He said he found a Bulgarian female wrestler in the 70s who used that many steroids she started to grow a penis. Anabolics I said? No, just a penis.


My friend is a 34 year old premier league footballer playing for a top 10 club. He failed a drugs test for cannabis. He told me over a beer that at least he ended his career on a high.
Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more...

97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC)
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drog addict View Drop Down
Jack Charlton
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Castleknocker

Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Location: Sunnyvale
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote drog addict Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Nov 2019 at 12:05am
Just talking to someone who used to work for the Anti Doping Agency in the 70s.He said he found a Bulgarian female wrestler in the 70s who used that many steroids she started to grow a penis. Anabolics I said? No, just a penis.
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ChesterCopperpot View Drop Down
Liam Brady
Liam Brady


Joined: 28 Feb 2019
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ChesterCopperpot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Oct 2019 at 11:16am
Is it possible to have a skin graft taken from a buttock to donate to someone who isn't a relation?
Arse skin for a friend.
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Trap junior View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
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YBIG Minister of Doom & Gloom

Joined: 25 Jan 2010
Location: Irish Riviera
Status: Offline
Points: 39348
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Trap junior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Oct 2019 at 10:44pm
Originally posted by DUBLIN DOC DUBLIN DOC wrote:

Originally posted by Territorial Territorial wrote:

.


LOL try again


He has a point
Pied Piper to: Baldrick, Brendan 88, 9Fingers, Borussia and more...

97.6% chance this post will be replied to by Baldrick (source: PWC)
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DUBLIN DOC View Drop Down
Jack Charlton
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The F The F The FAI

Joined: 30 Jun 2009
Location: Abbottstown
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DUBLIN DOC Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Oct 2019 at 10:38pm
Originally posted by Territorial Territorial wrote:

.


LOL try again
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Territorial View Drop Down
Jack Charlton
Jack Charlton


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Territorial Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Oct 2019 at 10:36pm
.




Edited by Territorial - 06 Oct 2019 at 10:38pm
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DUBLIN DOC View Drop Down
Jack Charlton
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The F The F The FAI

Joined: 30 Jun 2009
Location: Abbottstown
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DUBLIN DOC Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Oct 2019 at 9:43pm
My sister asked me if I wanted to wind her new born baby

I thought that was bit harsh so I just gave him a dead leg instead


Edited by DUBLIN DOC - 06 Oct 2019 at 9:44pm
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coyne View Drop Down
Paul McGrath
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Joined: 17 Aug 2013
Location: Sunderland
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote coyne Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Oct 2019 at 9:42pm
Originally posted by Trap junior Trap junior wrote:

How does a pilot like his burger?


Plane

Originally posted by pre Madonna pre Madonna wrote:

My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.

I'm dead again LOL


Edited by coyne - 06 Oct 2019 at 9:43pm
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DUBLIN DOC View Drop Down
Jack Charlton
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The F The F The FAI

Joined: 30 Jun 2009
Location: Abbottstown
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Points: 9155
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DUBLIN DOC Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Oct 2019 at 9:40pm
Originally posted by pre Madonna pre Madonna wrote:

A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
LOL
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DUBLIN DOC View Drop Down
Jack Charlton
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The F The F The FAI

Joined: 30 Jun 2009
Location: Abbottstown
Status: Offline
Points: 9155
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DUBLIN DOC Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Oct 2019 at 9:39pm
I was watching porn last night when my mother walked in 

Wasn’t the best way to find out about her new job 
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pre Madonna View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
Robbie Keane
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I am MALDING

Joined: 30 Nov 2014
Location: Trumpton
Status: Offline
Points: 44659
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote pre Madonna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Oct 2019 at 9:38pm
A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
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pre Madonna View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
Robbie Keane
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I am MALDING

Joined: 30 Nov 2014
Location: Trumpton
Status: Offline
Points: 44659
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote pre Madonna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Oct 2019 at 9:33pm
Originally posted by DUBLIN DOC DUBLIN DOC wrote:

I was that excited when the hosepipe ban was lifted I wet my plants
LOL
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DUBLIN DOC View Drop Down
Jack Charlton
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The F The F The FAI

Joined: 30 Jun 2009
Location: Abbottstown
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Points: 9155
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DUBLIN DOC Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Oct 2019 at 9:32pm
Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of the boat ?

Because if they fell forward they would be still in the boat
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DUBLIN DOC View Drop Down
Jack Charlton
Jack Charlton
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The F The F The FAI

Joined: 30 Jun 2009
Location: Abbottstown
Status: Offline
Points: 9155
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DUBLIN DOC Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Oct 2019 at 9:29pm
I was that excited when the hosepipe ban was lifted I wet my plants
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