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Crap Joke of the Day

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horsebox View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
Robbie Keane
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Born n bred in darndale.

Joined: 03 Feb 2010
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote horsebox Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Nov 2018 at 9:26pm
What do you call an Irish body guard?

Liam Malone
     
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Jack Charlton
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Spoofer Supreme

Joined: 30 Jun 2009
Location: Madagascar
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DUBLIN DOC Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Nov 2018 at 9:38pm
Paddy and mick looking at a flag pole, paddy says “I wonder what height that is” me too says mick, then a builder nearby overheard them and says sure I will measure it for yas, so he pulls the pin at the base and drops the pole on the ground and measures it and tells them 14 foot 4” to which paddy says “ ye fckin eejit we wanted to know the height not the lenght
When all is said and done there is nothing left to say or do
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Roberto Baggio View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
Robbie Keane
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UNBELIEVABLE JEFF

Joined: 28 Jan 2010
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Roberto Baggio Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Nov 2018 at 11:25pm
Was at the cash machine at lunch time today
Man in front of me was a bit weird, was standing on one leg with his arms outstretched. Asked him what he was doing, he said he was just checking his balance 
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BigPodge View Drop Down
Paul McGrath
Paul McGrath
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I'm the Gaffer

Joined: 18 Feb 2008
Location: 123 Fake Street
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BigPodge Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Nov 2018 at 9:14am
Originally posted by Roberto Baggio Roberto Baggio wrote:

Was at the cash machine at lunch time today
Man in front of me was a bit weird, was standing on one leg with his arms outstretched. Asked him what he was doing, he said he was just checking his balance 

LOLLOLLOL
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The White Cafu View Drop Down
Liam Brady
Liam Brady
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote The White Cafu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Nov 2018 at 12:40pm
I walked in on my sister masturbating with a carrot earlier.
I kicked off.
I was going to eat that later but now it will taste like carrot.
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Gabrieléire View Drop Down
500 Club la la la
500 Club la la la
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Location: Belfast
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gabrieléire Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Nov 2018 at 3:54pm
Someone knocked my door today, went to open it and he was some 3ft 3 fella. asked who he was and he said “I’m the meter man”
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Bob Hoskins View Drop Down
Moderator Group
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bob Hoskins Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Nov 2018 at 4:03pm
Originally posted by horsebox horsebox wrote:

What do you call an Irish body guard?

Liam Malone

please explain Embarrassed Embarrassed Embarrassed
Romario 2016: And the ticket mafia gets caught! Well, four years ago I had already told the government.
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Liam Brady
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Joined: 22 Apr 2015
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ConorMac77 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Nov 2018 at 4:06pm
Originally posted by Bob Hoskins Bob Hoskins wrote:

Originally posted by horsebox horsebox wrote:

What do you call an Irish body guard?

Liam Malone

please explain Embarrassed Embarrassed Embarrassed
Ffs Hoskins. LOL
 
Try saying it out loud quickly...LOL
The nation holds it's breath...YES, WE'RE THERE!!!
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Jack Charlton
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I like Klopp

Joined: 02 Jun 2011
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote FrankosHereNow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Nov 2018 at 4:29pm
Originally posted by The White Cafu The White Cafu wrote:

I walked in on my sister masturbating with a carrot earlier.
I kicked off.
I was going to eat that later but now it will taste like carrot.
FFS LOL
YBIG Quiz Champion 2016, 2017 & 2018.

As You Were
Three in a row
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Lostandfound View Drop Down
Davey Langan
Davey Langan


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lostandfound Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Nov 2018 at 4:46pm
Teacher:  Your grammar is dreadful. 
Pupil:  And your granda is a c***. 


Edited by Lostandfound - 07 Nov 2018 at 4:47pm
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The White Cafu View Drop Down
Liam Brady
Liam Brady
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote The White Cafu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Nov 2018 at 10:21am
Some fella walking round my park yesterday trying to convert people from white to brown bread. 

f**kin Hovis Witness
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pre Madonna View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
Robbie Keane
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Grinds my gears.

Joined: 30 Nov 2014
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote pre Madonna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Nov 2018 at 12:01pm
That's f**king breadful!
you were probably told to leave an Irish centre one night but kept mouthing off and some big church going Gaa player f**ked you out the door hence your hatred for the Catholic Church and Gaa aswell!
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Denis Irwin View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
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#No1 on breaking news on bad news

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Denis Irwin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Nov 2018 at 12:02pm
I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.
Eamonn Dunphy:"I'll tell you who wrote it, Rod Liddle, he's the guy who ran away and left his wife for a young one".

Bill O'Herlihy: Ah ye can't be saying that now Eamonn
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pre Madonna View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
Robbie Keane
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Grinds my gears.

Joined: 30 Nov 2014
Location: Trumpton
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote pre Madonna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Nov 2018 at 12:02pm
LOL
you were probably told to leave an Irish centre one night but kept mouthing off and some big church going Gaa player f**ked you out the door hence your hatred for the Catholic Church and Gaa aswell!
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lassassinblanc View Drop Down
Roy Keane
Roy Keane
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Cheese, it’s not just for eating

Joined: 27 Sep 2010
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lassassinblanc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Nov 2018 at 12:04pm
Have you seen the romantic comedy about bread?

It's called "Loaf Actually".


You can motorboat but no whistling
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Newryrep View Drop Down
Roy Keane
Roy Keane
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Just can't get enough of lists

Joined: 14 Jan 2009
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Newryrep Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Nov 2018 at 12:23pm
wife complains that I never take her anywhere expensive so I took her to the petrol station
'Irish' Songs for an Irish team - no SPL EPL generic sh*te
Richard Dunne - 6th Sept 11 - best marshalling of a defence in Moscow since General Zukov Russia V Germany 1941
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Sligo Hornet View Drop Down
Roy Keane
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Runner Up, Branson lookalike 2003

Joined: 07 Aug 2008
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sligo Hornet Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Nov 2018 at 12:43pm
Originally posted by Newryrep Newryrep wrote:

wife complains that I never take her anywhere expensive so I took her to the petrol station

This is funny because it is a TRUE story
Wallet ?? What the fcuk is that ?
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PaulB View Drop Down
Kevin Kilbane
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Joined: 08 Aug 2017
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaulB Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Nov 2018 at 1:00pm
What does a perverted frog say? 
 
Rubbit.
 
Ill get my coat Embarrassed
 


Edited by PaulB - 29 Nov 2018 at 1:00pm
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