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Crap Joke of the Day

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OnionBag View Drop Down
Ronnie Whelan
Ronnie Whelan


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote OnionBag Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Oct 2010 at 11:38am
Originally posted by The Lurker The Lurker wrote:

I recently suggested to my wife that she try masturbating with fruit.

She went f**king bananas.
 
LOL
ClapClap
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Paul McGrath
Paul McGrath
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I'm the Gaffer

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BigPodge Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Oct 2010 at 5:04am
Originally posted by The Lurker The Lurker wrote:

I recently suggested to my wife that she try masturbating with fruit.She went f**king bananas.



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ScruffyR View Drop Down
Liam Brady
Liam Brady
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ScruffyR Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Oct 2010 at 5:09am
Originally posted by The Lurker The Lurker wrote:

I recently suggested to my wife that she try masturbating with fruit.

She went f**king bananas.
 
Ahahahahahahahaha i'll definetly be using that today Big%20smileLOLLOLLOL
"Football isn't a matter of life or death, it's much more important than that."
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Roy Keane
Roy Keane
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Cheese, it’s not just for eating

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lassassinblanc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Oct 2017 at 7:41pm

I’ve developed a taste for fabric conditioner.

My doctor says I’m fine, I’ve just been comfort eating.

You can motorboat but no whistling
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SuperDave84 View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
Robbie Keane
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ooh Thomas, how could you do this to me!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SuperDave84 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Oct 2017 at 8:00pm
Why did the psychic have no trouble finding clothes that fit?

Because she was a medium.
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Roy Keane
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Runner Up, Branson lookalike 2003

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sligo Hornet Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Oct 2017 at 8:05pm
Originally posted by SuperDave84 SuperDave84 wrote:

Why did the psychic have no trouble finding clothes that fit?

Because she was a medium.


Medium sized clothing is regularly the size that sells out quickly in shops , making it actually more difficult for your psychic to find clothes that fit
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Jack Charlton
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I love buses

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Steve Amsterdam Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Oct 2017 at 8:36pm
All the old threads making a comeback!
Molly Malone's pub- The home of YBIG in Amsterdam!
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Paul McGrath
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ShamtheRam Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Oct 2017 at 8:50pm
Paddy's out the back garden and he sees the next door neighbour throwing seeds all over the garden.

"Jaysis Mick, what are you at now?"

"Well Paddy, just throwing out some elephant repellant"

"There's no elephants around here Mick!"

"I know Paddy. Super stuff isn't it!"
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.
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Jack Charlton
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote reddladd Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Oct 2017 at 9:04pm
I've killed a few black widows. That's why they wouldn't let me in to Nelson Mandela's funeral.
I could agree with you but then we'd both be wrong.
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500 Club la la la
500 Club la la la
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote stokeirish Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Oct 2017 at 9:17pm
2 parrots sat on a perch. One says to the other, can you smell fish
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Liam Brady
Liam Brady


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote TonyNotJack Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 12:09am
I took a vegetable to the library last week.


That was a turnip for the books.
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ShamtheRam View Drop Down
Paul McGrath
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ShamtheRam Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 9:00am
Two sausages in the pan. One turns to the other and says 'phew it's bloody hot in here'... The other one goes 'jesus Christ a talking sausage'
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.
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Moderator Group
Moderator Group
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bob Hoskins Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 2:08pm
Some cracking jokes in here. None of which are from Shamtheram I might add
Romario 2016: And the ticket mafia gets caught! Well, four years ago I had already told the government.
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SuperDave84 View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
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ooh Thomas, how could you do this to me!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SuperDave84 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 2:16pm
Cavan man joke

Jimmy and Paddy are sitting in the pub having a pint. Jimmy turns to Paddy and says "I'm in an awful state Paddy. The wife's after turfing me out of the house."

Paddy: "Ah that's awful altogether, Jimmy"

Jimmy: "And sure I don't even have anywhere to live. I've been sleeping in the park."

Paddy: "Ah that's shocking Jimmy, sure you know if I had two houses, I'd give you one."

Jimmy: "Ah I know, I know. It's not even that. Sure if I had the car, I could sleep in the car and get around and that. But sure hasn't she kept the car as well"

Paddy: "Ah that's awful Jimmy, sure you know if I had two cars, I'd give you one."

Jimmy: "Ah I know, but it's not even that. I wouldn't even need a car, sure if only she hadn't taken the pushbike"...

Paddy: "You know I have two bikes, you bastard!"
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Robbie Keane
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UNBELIEVABLE JEFF

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Roberto Baggio Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 2:18pm
So why doesn't Paddy just give Jimmy the other bike then?
 
 
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Trap junior View Drop Down
Robbie Keane
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www.revolut.com

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Trap junior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 2:21pm
Martin O'Neill walks into a crowded pub. Orders a whiskey and due to his luck a seat becomes vacant at the bar and sits down.  After a few mins a man order a pint through the 3 deep crowd.  The barman takes his money and puts the pint down on the bar.  The man taps MON on the shoulder and says ''could you pass me that pint?''  ''Pass it? I don't do passing'' says MON.  So he tells yer man to go down to the end of the pub near the wall and he boots the pint 30 yds through the air to him.  The pint glass spins in the air but due to centripetal force it lands in yer mans hand without spilling a drop.

True story.


Edited by Trap junior - 27 Oct 2017 at 2:27pm

YBIG, we had an agreement. I do the thinking. You don't.


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rolo View Drop Down
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Moderator Group


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote rolo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 2:45pm
Originally posted by Roberto Baggio Roberto Baggio wrote:


So why doesn't Paddy just give Jimmy the other bike then?
 
 


Hahaha was thinking the same thing.

Matt Cooper: What do you think is different this time?
John Delaney: Well we can understand our manager which is great. I tell you what, his English was always great when we were discussing the wages!
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Robbie Keane
Robbie Keane
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Just call me Hughie Lewis

Joined: 18 Sep 2008
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Baldrick Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Oct 2017 at 2:51pm
thick thread lads
AKA pedantic kunt
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