The crap joke thread
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URL: https://forum.ybig.ie/forum_posts.asp?TID=52153
Printed Date: 20 May 2024 at 1:44am
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Topic: The crap joke thread
Posted By: daithi
Subject: The crap joke thread
Date Posted: 06 Aug 2015 at 9:15pm
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What does the football do when it is placed on the centre spot by the referee ? it looks round ------------- Just because it's tradition does not make it right |
Replies:
Posted By: Borussia
Date Posted: 06 Aug 2015 at 9:28pm
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Did you hear about the lad who drowned in a river of gin & tonic ? Fell in and got schwepped away.... |
Posted By: lassassinblanc
Date Posted: 06 Aug 2015 at 9:39pm
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What's the difference between people from Dubai and Abu Dhabi? People from Dubai don't like the Flinstones but people from Abu Dhabi do
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Posted By: Claret Murph
Date Posted: 06 Aug 2015 at 9:41pm
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Jeeezzzz i going to bed these are bad at the best of times . ------------- Lansdowne Road debut aged 52 and 201 days . |
Posted By: dotts101
Date Posted: 06 Aug 2015 at 9:43pm
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A fish swims into a bar, what does he order?? CARP Lager |
Posted By: Ballycastle
Date Posted: 06 Aug 2015 at 10:20pm
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Have you heard about the magic tractor? Drove down the lane and turned into a field  |
Posted By: Deane
Date Posted: 06 Aug 2015 at 11:08pm
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Why did the boy drop his ice-cream? Because he was hit by a bus... |
Posted By: drog addict
Date Posted: 06 Aug 2015 at 11:49pm
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Why did the boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms Why did he not get back up on the swing? Because he had no legs ------------- Chips don't bounce |
Posted By: coyne
Date Posted: 06 Aug 2015 at 11:59pm
| My mate David lost his ID on a night out last night, does that mean I call him Dav from now on? |
Posted By: Mr.Mojo Risin'
Date Posted: 07 Aug 2015 at 12:00am
Why did no one help him?? Because he had no friends ------------- Ahh heya! |
drog addict wrote:Posted By: Mr.Mojo Risin'
Date Posted: 07 Aug 2015 at 12:01am
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What kind of bees make milk?? Boo-bees ------------- Ahh heya! |
Posted By: drog addict
Date Posted: 07 Aug 2015 at 12:12am
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What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk ------------- Chips don't bounce |
Posted By: pre Madonna
Date Posted: 07 Aug 2015 at 1:50am
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2 flys fighting in a teacup, how does it start? one flew off the handle Have you seen the film the tractor? Have only seen the trailer myself The bees are on strike...... the want less flowers and more honey How many german electricians does it take to change a lightbulb? Vun, ve are trained in such matters How many Vietnamese veterans does it take to change a lightbulb? YOU DON'T KNOW!YOU WEREN'T THERE how many French philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, firstly oui must decide if oui are truly in ze dark ------------- Greed has won, big finance has won. Whatever small role elite clubs still play in the local communities from which they grew is dwarfed now by their position as global brands. |
Posted By: pre Madonna
Date Posted: 07 Aug 2015 at 2:02am
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How many Daily Mail readers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, cos it is all been dunne by foreners wot cant speak propah inglesh. ------------- Greed has won, big finance has won. Whatever small role elite clubs still play in the local communities from which they grew is dwarfed now by their position as global brands. |
Posted By: lassassinblanc
Date Posted: 27 Apr 2017 at 1:13pm
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Found out I was colour blind the other day, It came right out of the purple |
Posted By: Sham157
Date Posted: 27 Apr 2017 at 1:22pm
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Posted By: pre Madonna
Date Posted: 27 Apr 2017 at 1:25pm
Not sure why I either but I struggled to read it aloud for someone. You found my level! ------------- Greed has won, big finance has won. Whatever small role elite clubs still play in the local communities from which they grew is dwarfed now by their position as global brands. |
Posted By: FrankosHereNow
Date Posted: 27 Apr 2017 at 2:39pm
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What does a politician have in common and a German pornstar's mouth? They're both full of sh*t. ------------- YBIG Quiz Champion 2016, 2017 & 2018. As You Were Three in a row |
Posted By: greenlad
Date Posted: 27 Apr 2017 at 4:39pm
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What do you call an Irish woman who throws her bills in the fire? Bernadette. |
Posted By: GB 1HughJarse
Date Posted: 27 Apr 2017 at 7:36pm
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Where was pole vaulting first mentioned in the Bible? When Jesus cleared the Temple. |
Posted By: lassassinblanc
Date Posted: 27 Apr 2017 at 8:24pm
| I like jokes about eyes, the cornea the better |
Posted By: daithi
Date Posted: 27 Apr 2017 at 8:29pm
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2 nuns in a bath, 1 say's to the other "where's the soap" the other nun say's "it does does'nt it" ------------- Just because it's tradition does not make it right |
Posted By: rossieman
Date Posted: 27 Apr 2017 at 8:42pm
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Two Nuns driving in their car when a vampire lands on the windscreen, 'Quick Mary show him your cross ' f**k OFF OUR CAR YOU C*NT ! screams Mary. |
Posted By: horsebox
Date Posted: 27 Apr 2017 at 8:44pm
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What do you call a Kerry woman with a limp? Eileen. What do you call a Kerry woman without a limp? Noleen. ------------- It was far across the sea, When the devil got a hold of me, He wouldn't set me free, So he kept me soul for ransom. na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na. I'm a sailor man from Glasgow to |
Posted By: daithi
Date Posted: 27 Apr 2017 at 8:50pm
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What do you call a Kerry woman standing between 2 houses ? Elaine What do you call a Kerry woman standing in goal ? Annette ------------- Just because it's tradition does not make it right |
Posted By: daithi
Date Posted: 27 Apr 2017 at 8:53pm
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A pig and a chicken walk into a bar, barman say's sorry we don't serve pigs here, so the pig say's to the chicken comon we will go across the road and the chicken say's are you taking the piss ------------- Just because it's tradition does not make it right |
Posted By: horsebox
Date Posted: 27 Apr 2017 at 8:54pm
 ------------- It was far across the sea, When the devil got a hold of me, He wouldn't set me free, So he kept me soul for ransom. na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na. I'm a sailor man from Glasgow to |
Posted By: Hickster74
Date Posted: 27 Apr 2017 at 8:56pm
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When's the first mention of football in the bible? Jesus went up for the cross. |
Posted By: daithi
Date Posted: 27 Apr 2017 at 8:57pm
Firstly read the thread title again, secondly did you never hear any "why did the chicken cross the road" jokes ------------- Just because it's tradition does not make it right |
Posted By: pre Madonna
Date Posted: 27 Apr 2017 at 10:16pm
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What was the first mention of tinkers in the bible? Hosanna in the Hiace. What was the first mention of constipation in the bible? When Moses took the tablets and went behind the bushes. What is the first mention of elasticity in the bible? When Jesus tied his ass to the tree and walked to Jerusalem. Jesus walks into an inn on Good Friday, throws a few nails on the counter and says; "any chance you could put me up for the weekend?". What did Jesus say to Peter on the Cross? Don't touch my chocolate ya ****, I'll be back by Monday ------------- Greed has won, big finance has won. Whatever small role elite clubs still play in the local communities from which they grew is dwarfed now by their position as global brands. |
Posted By: tony grealish
Date Posted: 28 Apr 2017 at 9:48am
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What kind of key can open any lock? A pi-key. ------------- ''I've had a rough night and I hate the f**kin eagles, man!!'' |
Posted By: GB 1HughJarse
Date Posted: 28 Apr 2017 at 3:15pm
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Why was the L'Oréal girl happy? Because Max Factor. |
Posted By: sid waddell
Date Posted: 28 Apr 2017 at 3:37pm
What's Marine Le Pen's favourite brand of skincare products? Vichy. ------------- Edited by Trigboy 10 at 10:03pm |
Posted By: Denis Irwin
Date Posted: 28 Apr 2017 at 3:38pm
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------------- Eamonn Dunphy:"I'll tell you who wrote it, Rod Liddle, he's the guy who ran away and left his wife for a young one". Bill O'Herlihy: Ah ye can't be saying that now Eamonn |
Posted By: reddladd
Date Posted: 28 Apr 2017 at 3:48pm
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A Paddy walking through a field sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand. The Paddy shouts “Na ol an t-uisce, ta sé lan de chac bo” (Don’t drink the water, it’s full of cowsh*t.) The man shouts back “I’m English, speak English, I don’t understand you”. The Paddy shouts back “Use both hands, you’ll get more in.” ------------- I could agree with you but then we'd both be wrong. |
Posted By: Newryrep
Date Posted: 28 Apr 2017 at 9:33pm
 ------------- 'Irish' Songs for an Irish team - no SPL EPL generic sh*te Richard Dunne - 6th Sept 11 - best marshalling of a defence in Moscow since General Zukov Russia V Germany 1941 |
Posted By: lassassinblanc
Date Posted: 08 May 2017 at 5:14pm
| I wouldn't say jokes about Poo are my favourite but they're definitely number 2 |