Percy's Rant

Before I begin moaning, I'd like to thank the Welsh supporters on the hill for their valiant attempt at putting an end to the Mexican wave effort that, seemingly, was the highlight for many on our first visit to Croker.
        Now, indulge me, if you will, on my financial breakdown of my experience on that historic day. I paid 70 euro for a ticket in the Hogan lower stand. This equates to 78 cent per minute for the 90 minutes ( that, of course, is making the assumption that the FAI provided the half time entertainment and injury time at their expense).
        During the course of the 90 minutes, I was interrupted on numerous occasions, by numerous people, trying to get out for Cornettos, hot dogs, chips, eclairs or simply trying to get out for a slash. In total, this cost me 5 minutes. I had a Cornetto and a hot dog myself, carefully trying to keep the crap off me jersey ( although the hot dog lacked red sauce, the mustard well and truly made up for that). This cost me a further 5 minutes. I had a slash myself ( bogey Northside Smithwicks )- costing roughly 7 minutes. I can sort of understand now why some Dubs still have a piss on the hill.... long walk to the jacks.
        Like many, I was distracted by the infernal Mexican wave which went on for a good 10 minutes. Then theres the big screen..What was the story with that? Looking at it, expecting to see replays of key moments in the match and to see nothing but replays of that poxy Eircom ad cost me about 8 minutes. Truthfully, I don't think there were many key moments in match the anyway.
        There was a considerable gap between seats in the stand, giving the youngfella behind me plenty of room to swing his legs, much to his delight and my annoyance. I spent about 5 minutes continuously turning around to the little bollix ( yeah, you, in the Leinster rugby jersey ya little ****). Then there was the muppet with the camera round his neck that appeared from no-where and sat in one of the lads seats ( he was off getting the hot dogs!). 3 minutes wasted trying to figure this geezer out.
        In fact there was quite a lot of figuring out to be done that day. What about the 5 minutes trying to figure out what the Cusack stand were singing. Finally came to the conclusion that they were trying to sing around a mouthful of hot dog or were, like the youngfella sitting beside me, trying to sing even though their jaws were welded shut by one of those Cadbury eclairs ( he didn't even offer them around and he had TWO bags of them- you know who you are). What about the 3 minutes trying to figure out what the idea of wearing white T-shirts was in the corner of the Cusack stand ( still don't know the answer to this). What about the 3 minutes spent looking for flags around the ground apart from the plastic efforts that stabbed you in the arse when you first took your seat. At least the Germans gave us real flags in Stuttgart albeit it was their flag..... thought counts though.
        Half time comes... and its out for a smoke and a bit of sunshine on the steps.... forgot what steps to go back up.... another 5 minutes lost. Second half starts and i reckon I spent about 8 minutes watching the sideline antics of the master.. Stan and wondering when he's going to tell Doyle and Hunt to take off the orange bibs and get on and inspire us before they wear out the touchline ( and themselves ).
        Our position in the Hogan stand along with the distance from the pitch made watching a lot of the match like watching a game of Subbuteo just above eye level, hence the 6 minutes trying to see who was who on the pitch. Finally I spent about 5 minutes deep in thought as to how to get out of this stadium in a direction that would lead me to McGraths.... a pub unheard of to me up until 2 minutes before kick off. Also had to figure out how would I get back to the gaff from there and wondering if I had enough money for the taxi ( did anyone find a Banklink in or around Croker??), and more importantly, would taxi men over here know how to get to Tallaght ( at a reasonable rate).
        Anyway, adding all this up amounts to 78 minutes....... 60.84euro. I don't recall what I was doing for the other 12 minutes......... maybe there was something exciting happening on the pitch.......

                                                                              Rant on
                                                                                          Percy